MC-53

2010-12-05T02:01:00.003+11:00

Everybody knows the beginning and the end.. The Abstinence and the Sin...

Everyone knows how to abstain.. there are moral guidelines... religious teachings.. strict parental guidance.. friend to friend accountability and so on.. we pretty much know how to maintain a life of abstinence.. we know how to avoid and prevent.. whether or not we end up doing it is another matter

Everyone knows how it feels too.. To feel justified and righteous... to know that you did the right thing and will continue to do so... the security and peace it brings to whoever that observes it.. it is good..

Similarly, everyone knows the consequences of sinning.. we have all the warning we can get in a lifetime and as far back as history can tell, many people have fallen before and we can pretty much expect the same cause and effect when we do something wrong.. not just anything wrong.. but the clear , definable , distinct wrong.. socially recognised and despised.. whether or not we end up committing the sin is another matter...

Everyone also knows how it feels.. we know what to expect when we commit such hideous crimes.. the shame it brings, the self-loathing, the penalty to pay, the apologies to make, to patches to amend... we know it well... all too well...

But what happens when someone falls inside the in-between? what happens in the gap? how are we supposed to feel or react? do we deal with it or shove it aside? it is blurry and grey.. people can't really tell what is going on... there are no manuals, no socially accepted set of values and penalties ... just you and the gap...

Just you and the gap

2010-10-16T02:41:00.002+11:00

sin by pure definition is living out of God's will.. if that is the case, i am in deep trouble ...

today we asked what is the point of suffering. why is it there? the answer is there is no point. there isnt meant to be any point.

suffering is a resultant of sin. and tht's tht.. no point to it. it just is.

therefore suffering will always be there. till the very end...it will remain till God comes back again.. (Rom 5:18-25)

an interesting point today was that we are both born in the image of God and man. (1 Cor 15:49)By that virtue we can choose between the two. to live in the flesh or to live in God...

so if sin by pure definition is living out of God's will... hmmm......

note to self: i should go back for more

oops i did it again

2010-10-10T17:13:00.002+11:00

disclaimer: i predict from now on, considering the latest trends in posts, it will be a very moody ride.. so dont bother reading from now on, i will just waste your time

yeap i did it again.. i had an excuse last week.. but no excuse today... i blame the bed? ahh... stupid.. i dunno why this is happening... i think i know.. maybe i am just lazy... last night my mother asked me if i lost my zeal to go to church... she even asked me if my name is written in the book of life... i fell silent for a while, staring into space.. i didnt know what to say... cos to be frank i dont know.. am i a christian? do i believe in God? is He real to me? i just muttered back to my mum 'i hope so'...

i thank God for friends like jessica. who is dedicated and cares. she tried to wake me up to go to church. and when she was at church she texted me to asked if i am coming to church. she came home and called my apartment to ask why i didnt go to church. haha.. so cute la she... but it is nice to know that someone cares and still bothers.. but do i bother?

to think that last time i was the one that would look around the church wondering where is she and i would be the one texting her to ask if she is okay, if she will be coming.. guess the table's turned..

i think deep down this is a culmination of all that trash that has been happening in my life for the past couple of years.. maybe it started from the day i got my spm results.. maybe.. maybe i was pushing it away all the time and never really addressing it.. falling deeper and deeper each time and sugar coating it with innocence... nice job Richard... a masterpiece for a disaster...

its not like i dont wanna share.. but who can i share it with? everybody is so busy.. everybody have their own priorities.. i hope someone would notice.. because i am tired of reaching... maybe i put on a strong front too much.. ppl stop wondering if i am permeable... oops sorry you're very wrong.. im just a puppet on a string.. string's broken now.. but no one notices... nice job Richard

who am i gonna share it with? no one. cause no one will listen and not change their opinion about me.. everyone will go, uhh, so you're like that wan ah? i see...... and go into deep thought... nah, no one will listen... it has become so personal and deep with history, pain and shame, i just wonder who will listen.. its not something you can solve in a jiffy.. so i wonder who will have the time...

maybe it was a bad idea after all to have an imaginary church in your head. cause eventually you will join that church in your head and stop believing in the one on earth.

when did i become so bitter?

what am i living for? what is this life all about? my dad told me that when he was my age he didnt have the time or luxury to ask that question. cos he just has no money and he gotta do whatever it takes to survive.. but that doesnt really solve the question, does it?

but considering that my dad doesnt have the luxury to ask this question. that he had no money so he had to work his life out, and now here i am asking this question, with all the providence that he never had.. a roof over my head, money to spend, food to eat, a uni all the way down under, yet i am asking this question... makes me wonder what kind of person i am.. i must be a monster.. an ungrateful bastard...

they say your greatest enemy is yourself.. so i guess i have to kill this bastard... which another ever so popular and recurring question will present itself again - what is life about? what am i living for? what is the point? eat love pray and eat love pray again...

what am i doing?

back to the mouse wheel called circle of life... *cues Lion King Opening Sequence*

2010-10-02T02:52:00.002+11:00

It is so short isnt it? This thing called life... Found out that Ng Zhi Qi is with us no more. Not like I know her or anything... I just happen to have a habit of adding random girls.. *shy...* ANYWAY... THE POINT IS.... life is so short... u never know when u will just poof~ and byebye~ *wave hands*

sigh...

it shook me a little tho'... couldnt really sleep last night.. at the back of my head i kept thinking what if like zhi qi, u die in ur sleep, and this is the last night ever.. i bet she never knew what was coming... i bet in her quiet slumber, as her soul left her body, she must have been holding on for a while... there are so many things left to achieve .. so many things yet to do... so many dreams, shattered, gone...

Makes me wonder what am I doing with my life...

Sometimes i am so bad at what i do, i really wonder am i cut out for this.. do i really wanna do architecture? one of the comments i got from my tutor is - can u critically analyse what you are doing... but that is the problem isnt it? i never critically analyse what i am doing...

sometimes its not that i dont want to, i dont really know how... but sometimes it is has become a habit.. a very bad habit...

i am a bit of a mess, arent i?

i will always rmb the time when pastor ruth shared her testimony of how she felt so small and insignificant when compared to a youth leader in her church. he was talented, did many great things... she wondered how could she compare... but God revealed to her that this boy is actually like a tin sausepan, shiny on the outside but rotten and decayed on the inside... i'm sure pastor Ruth had her good intentions of sharing such a testimony.. it's great, beautiful story... but it just reminds me of myself, a reflection of who i really am...

i have done many wrong things in the past.. most of them i keep a secret.. most of them will probably destroy the image of me in your eyes... i have done so many wrong things i dont know if i remember what it feels like to do it right anymore...

one of my fears and struggles is... i dont know if i can love someone a right way anymore... i guess it is silly for me to say so... but really... right now right here, i dont know how... to look at a person with teenage innocence... to blush when your eyes meet.. to look back again with no regrets... to hold a hand and not let go... making memories together that will last a lifetime...

sometimes i ask myself.. so what if you graduate, find a job, get paid, rise the ranks and do what? everyone working everyday, pay bills pay rent pay mortgage, becoming like a mouse on a wheel of consumerism, making the world go round n round n round... for what? what am i living for?

what am i living for?

i'll share with u one last story before i go off...

working at subway, u meet all sorts of 'amazing' ppl... and i mean amazing to both the extreme ends of the scale.. most times its really amazingly horrid... but sometimes, like this one time, you get a really amazing customer walk in...

she wasnt young.. probably in her 60s.. very soft spoken and gentle... came up to the counter for 4 subs... later she asked if the breads will be too hard for ppl with dentures to eat... i gave her the soft ones and the whole process and making the four subs probably took 5 minutes... and we had a lil small talk about the old folks she is buying them for. maybe they are homeless.. maybe they are from a home or shelter... we get a lot of such places here... all along while i was putting the sandwiches together, i wondered if she was a christian but i didnt want to ask, some ppl might find it offensive... and after i passed her her change, she smiled back at me and uttered a gentle ' God bless you..'...

at that point I really wanted to cry... cos i saw an image of what i was before in her eyes.. the passion for ppl.. the passion for souls.. and i know deep down inside she is fulfilled and happy.. to know that her life is a blessing... i was like that... a distant memory of who i was.. but somewhere along the way somethings happened.. and... i dont really know how to get there anymore...

2010-09-22T01:27:00.003+11:00

hi blog...

yea i am back.. i dont know why but maybe i need you again... i dont know when will i write something here again, so i am gonna make this long...

i have been so busy lately i dont think i will have time for u... actually, i dont think i havetime for anything or anyone lately... i dunno... it's like i am in a new phase of life...

life... life has been changing so constantly the past years.. i dont know how to feel or what to make of it...

it's like i was a dreamer.. one that would lie on their bed, staring at the ceiling, dreaming of things that will happen... envisioning a possible future that is so full of potential and fun.. oh the excitement that runs through your veins... you draw pictures, make lil thingamagics.. u keep a diary of every single feeling and thoughts.. because they are precious, nostalgic in many ways... u get excited and try to make a difference... you never really thought of what to do and how to get there... u just dream and look forward to the destination, the beauty of it and how awesome it would be, but never really gave thought about the road to that happy ending...

yea i was a dreamer.. i was idealistic.. i had passion.. i believed... i had innocence to believe that dreams do come true...

but somewhere along the way i think sin stole it all away... maybe i saw it coming maybe i didnt... maybe i got used to it.. and never really bothered after a while... then, throw in a few 'realities'... marinate it with a lil 'eye opener'... rub in some 'fact of life'... and things changed...

i wont elaborate on the various stages cos it will take too long.. but right now right here.. the dreamer is no more.. i dunno... maybe he is still here.. just different.. how is it different?

im not too sure if i will find that happy ending anymore.. not that excited about my future anymore... start to wonder what am i passionate about anyway...

like, right now, i am incharged of games at camp... honestly, 5 years ago, when i was still in high school... i would be all gungho.. pushing for ideas... very pumped very hyped... idealistic in some ways, altho i would have disagreed back then... i would take pride in the stuff i did... take ownership .... and encourage others to take ownership too... i would not feel tired... not an ounce of frustration...

it is different now... somehow... i am tired and cant be bothered... i dont wanna care and dont wanna go for camp, altho i paid for it already... i dont mind just not going... but i cant... cos its already so late into the planning stages and to pull out now is just gonna upset everybody... and it would be dubbed 'iiresponsible'' blah, whatever... but it is not just that.. i have alot of uni work to do.. i am even stopping work for next month cos that is how much i need time to work on uni projects.. i just cant afford the time to work at subway...

and also the ppl... i am rather annoyed and tired of their attitude and just really cant be bothered to do anything anymore... this time last year i was all gungho... but they are so fixated so what is the point... yes maybe last year it was good that i came to this church... but maybe it is time to move on... i looked back at the aisle of the church last sunday... and i noticed a drastic reduction in chairs... something is wrong.. but yet they dont wanna be open.... so i just keep my thoughts to myself...

i really dont know wat to do now... i am afraid that if i dont go to camp it will upset ppl, but if i go for camp, i am not even exicted for it, and i need time to do work... i just hope tht the speaker is worth my time... got selected from some random nowhere... that is another issue altogether...

maybe i am being critical... maybe i am... i am not ashamed of it.. cos maybe we should all stop thinking that things are rosy and fine... maybe some will say 'if you're so critical, why dont u b the solution?' yea sure... but when i wanted to show you something u defied, u were so fixated... so waht is the point???

that is just one of the things running thru my head i guess...

another thing is my career , my future... i guess there will be a time when teenage dreams come to die... and you realise that it may not happen after all.. but then u ask, what then? what is gonna happen? i supposed i am split opinionated about this... on one hand, i like to be exicted about it... i dont know what will happen.. it doesnt matter... just take it one step at a time... i am thinking of taking a year out again next year.. this time in Australia... perhaps with the company that euric is attached with.. since they are willing to handle the visa stuff for international students.. i think it will be so exciting... well, it will mean that i will graduate one year later, but who cares? what is the rush? i think working with them gives me a better chance of getting employed again in the future... i am also thinking of changing uni to rmit... or maybe to another state... cos melb uni sucks... just plain simply sucks... hmm... it's exciting right? the world is your playground!! =) then, maybe i wont stay here... maybe i will work in london, france, denmark, china, singapore, the possibilities are endless!!

but on the other hand, i feel scared... cos i dont know what is gonna happen... it's all a blur... i dunno wher will i settle down.. i dunno when to get a girlfriend.. dunno how to get a girlfriend in such circumstances...

hmm... but anyway... i guess this aspect is not as daunting as church atm.... at least it is still exciting... at least i still look forward to it somehow....

but church has become such a drag... it's like i am wasting my time.. i dont know how to voice out cos i know it will be pushed away anyway... it's always - 'that's not how we work around here' or 'we are not ready for this' or 'that may be ur opinion but we have ours and we think that works'...i dont know how to ask for help cos i know it will be put down anyway... it is always - 'do u know how packed our leaders are?' or 'we dont have enough mentors to mentor you' or 'the mentors are all taken atm,they have their own mentees already' or whatever they can cook up...

everyone is too happy with where they are.. everyone wanna keep everyone happy... well im sorry, i am not happy.. but do u notice it? are u doing anything about it? but honestly i dont quite care... but i know i should...

i just know that there are much more than this.... i once dreamed... i came and i saw such a beautiful picture.. i saw the possibility... but u put me down so much...so i guess somewhere along the way, i just stopped dreaming...

2010-01-17T19:40:00.002+11:00

It's been a while huh....

Yeah, very long time indeed....

So, let's see.. It has been a year here in Melbourne... I started out strong and mighty, ready to face the day.. Yes it was difficult but through the storm I learned to find my way, to pace myself, and I know I found God in a whole new level... In many ways life has changed...

But like any other euphoria of first loves, the reality of life will finally sink in.. and i guess i wasn't ready to swim.. cos i started to sink... I sank very very deep... I became very self centered.. Everything was about me.. about what i wanna achieve, about what i hope to be, about my future, everything that concerns me, i was all out for it.... i gave my heart and soul into it...

and i forgot about everything else

i came to the point where i asked myself in bed, staring at the ceiling, "Please remind me what is all this for again?"

Cause it's true.. i dont rmb anymore... i lost the passion, i lost the fire... i started questioning the point of living and the point of a hope and a future... i felt like a dead man walking, living each day like a machine... i practically lost it....

but it's funny cos u can never ever go too far away from God that His grace is not sufficient for you nor a place where His mercies can never reach you...

The past two months has been a chain of outrageous events that started breaking me to the core... it broke my ego, broke my pride, and it shock the very foundations of the pillar of sand that i built over the year...

it gave me failure to understand the meaning of success; heartache, to teach me how to love selflessly; rejection, to know and appreciate the value of love; regret, to understand the extends of forgiveness; emptiness, to accept that everything is in God's Hands and the best plan is always His plan...

God's plan...

I am still trying to fully understand God's plan and the idea of God's plan.. but undoubtly, everything that has happened so far, everything that went wrong, God turned it back for good..

Just a few weeks before, i was questioning will i ever find a job, and i got a job... and i didnt even need to apply for it.. it was so effortless... and it was given to me on a platter... i tot will not be going home this year, but before i even know it, i am booking a flight ticket back home in a week's time...

Euric asked me why did I decide to work with Ian.. why dont i go for larger firms (since i am gna work in malaysia, might as well go for the big and famous ones).. i dunno how to answer his question.. all i know is that at this point of time, this is the right decision.. i have the peace in me that this is right.. whether or not am i supposed to develop a career in malaysia or not, that is a totally different story.. for much later. but for now, for this few months, i am pretty confident that working at Ian's is the right choice....

And i am suddenly reminded of a post i made earlier.. about the architect who i wanna be.. i am not the architect who works in a big and famous firms, who makes a name for himself and gets in face published on a magazine cover.. i am the architect who wanna build homes for the homeless.. that is my conviction.. and i know i will get there one day.. and somehow i know working with Ian, being thrown into the deep end, to learn how to handle projects by myself, having to run the office almost single handedly (cos Ian will be away some days, and the firm has only a staff of two to three) I know that i will learn so much more about being an architect and how i can reach that goal one day....

so here it is, here is now... just a week ago i was wondering how will my story of 2010 will unfold, cos everything was stil so blurry and uncertain.. but now it has been laid straight, never clearer than ever.. and i know it will be an exciting one....

2009-12-05T01:12:00.002+11:00

The best things in life arent things

so true isnt it?

and if you just turn your eyes upon the small little things that really matters, you would see that life is really so beautiful...

Like a simple wave from a child to say goodbye to you
Like a simple photograph with a friend that you cherish in black n white
Like a simple party that turned out well because of a good group of young people that is willing to go the extra mile for each other

funny how im the one that asked that we do not be bitter and move on with happy memories while turns out that i am the one that kept on the bitter train and never really got off in the first place...

Gotta stop this bitter train..

bcos life is beautiful and too short to be wasted away sulking....

yes and amen

2009-11-01T00:11:00.004+11:00

sometimes i wish blogging is telepathic... like u just gotta think it in your head, and everything will just get recorded without u having to type it all down.. cos most of the time, when i finally come around to it, it's either i have forgotten all of em, or i just cant be bothered cos it will take up so much time and i have too much on my mind...

but anyways

alot of things happened this week... particularly the last 24 hours... alot of drama.. mostly in my head.. but it's still alot of drama...

but in the end, i know, that God is trying to tell me something...

all these weird series of events that just builds up to one story - i am made for God sized dreams.. i am made for something better than this...

1) i have to stop redigging old graves.. let bygones be bygones and dont revisit it anymore... cos there is no point... u cant change the past.. what is done is done... move on ... live on... you are made for better things than this... the past will inform your future and you will become someone better.. never say that you are a monster... becoz you are not defined by what you did, but by the very deeds that you are gonna do

2) i will never be that perfect item.. so dont even bother... and stop kiling urself over how you have been tainted by the past and how you messed up ur "perfect"ness... u will not be perfect becoz you are not... so stopit dammit..stop.... but dont voluntarily shelf yourself too... you may be imperfect, but every toy deserves a loving child.. and you know deep down inside you are made to love... so dont stop youself from that.. but embrace it whole heartedly.... but always keeping in mind that love comes with responsibility and a price to pay...

3) i do not need to have the approval of anybody... so say it with me "NOBODY"... it's not about finishing your education for the sake of it... dont ever do it because you wanna please your parents.. dont do it because it is your duty as a child to finish your studies... it is funny how marc said what he said after i complained to him how certain companies are taking so long to reply my intern applications..

"i am just saying this as a friend, but dont go into something that you will dread for life.. becoz that is exactly what our parents are doing"

i nodded..

"but they are doing it because they didnt have a choice.. but you do... they are giving you that choice..."

i pondered for a while when he said that.. altho i was super busy working towards a deadline in like 4 hours... but i pondered.. becoz it is true.. i have choice... so, do i really wanna be an architect? do i really wanna spend my whole life doing architecture? or am i just continuing this because "my parents paid great money to send me here so i should finish it off"?

i wondered... i seriously questioned myself... and again... i felt like i wasnt standing anywhere... felt so uncertain... at that point everything just seemed so uncertain....

but that night i walked to their apartment.. i havent walk in a while... so i decided to just stroll... had some me time... and i realized that i was not just trying to please my parents... subconciously i was also trying to please other ppl...

and i realized - "so what??"

so what if architects dont make much money?? so what if architects will have a hard time looking for a job?? so what if architects will graduate late?? so what if architects will likely have to end up with a wife that has already worked 3 years by the time he graduates?? so what if the wife will likely have a fatter bank account by then?? so what if i probably wont even have a car yet?? so what if she could possibly afford a car now?? so what ??? seriously... so what???

and then i realized -"why??"

why am i so worried if i will get a job?? why am i so worried if i will be able to retain the job even after my year out is over?? why am i so worried if i will like my job?? why am i so worried?? why??? seriously.. why???

and then it dawned on me - " i am made for something bigger than this.."

i was suddenly reminded of a Simpsons episode i watched during the week... it was about Bart getting an F and how he tried so hard to pass so that he will not have to stay back in 4th grade.. he finally prayed to ask for divine intervention so that he will have more time to study... it happened.. and the episode ended with the family gathering in front of the family fridge, looking at the D- history paper pinned onto the fridge door... he passed... barely... but the last line of the show was amazing... seriously.. i didnt see it coming... considering how shitty The Simpsons have become... i am only watching it cos that is my only source of meal time entertainment in this horrid stressful week...

it ended with Bart saying " A part of this D- belongs to God.."

then God brought me back...

I am made for bigger things than this...

pretty much alot of my life thus far feels like that.. a D-.... its barely there.. but still doing ok... but feels like shit too... but i just felt like at that point, that very point God was speaking right to me saying I AM MADE FOR BETTER THINGS THAN THIS

no matter how shitty i was or how i feel... no matter how many expectations are upon my life... no matter no matter, it just doesnt matter... i am better than this....

4) so you will not stop me... you will not bring me down... i have God-sized dreams... i will be an architect... and yes i damn well will... i will be the architect of my own making ... of my own goals... and i will get there.. somehow someway... u dont like it? u cant accept it? well, too bad, it's your lost... not mine... because i am going to do what i know i want to do and i will not let you hold me back...

5) and because of all these, i know God is ultimately also asking me to wait... i am not ready... rather, my life at this point is not ready... so many things are unsure... uncertain... if you take it up now, you know you will surely fall.... it's not about a matter of faith... but a matter of diligence...

you have so much more to accomplish first... go ... do those things... if you really wanna have faith.. then trust this - let God take control... if it is meant to be, then God will preserve your hearts, that whoever you become and where ever you go, God will bring both hearts back together again one day... so its never too late... but u know very well, that it is too early.... so please wait....

u cannot afford to fear... cos fear is not an option...

but right here right now, it is your moment... in your deepest darkest moment, where you feel like you have totally no more control of your life.. at the end of your rope... this is the time where God will mold you, shake you, break you, make you....

it's funny how this week as well, anita asked me, "so all these while you have been living by circumstances?"...

but no more.. no more.... ever since the day i received news that i will be staying with cathy and desmond back home in msia, things just havent been the same anymore... it changed.. God changed it.. and now i know i am not the same man anymore... but who am i exactly? i dunno... im like a butterfly in my coccoon... waiting.. waiting... waiting... but at the same time, changing...

i cant say that i dont know how the future will be... cos i do see it... i smile everyday knowing that it is there... i know in my heart it is there... but just , how exactly do i get there? this is the question that scares me the most... cos it spells uncertainty...

but i cannot fear.. cos fear is not an option...

but to top it all off.. do you know what i really wanna be??

i wanna be an architect...

but not the award winning one.. not the one that wants to set up his own firm and put his name on magazines... no tht is not me....

i am the architect who works for a mid size company... make my way up the corporate ladder as much as i can... whilst making enough time for God, family and church...

i wanna be the architect that builds communities and impact lives... i wanna be the architect that builds homes for the homeless, schools for the fatherless... i wanna be the architect that designs to bring people together... that fosters unity and harmony...

i wanna change the world, with my designs... with my work... i wanna touch lives... to see people interract with my work and take a piece of it back with em, into their hearts somehow someway.. to connect with people in a deeper heartfelt way....

yes, i will probably not make too much money.. there is always that risk....

but i will always rmb the day, when my junior came up to me on my last day of high school and said, "Richard, i wanna grow up to be just like you.." i will always rmb that... becoz that is what i wanna do...

i wanna inspire... lead lives.. directs lives... show them the right way.. and encourage them to take their own journey and discover it for themselves what life has to offer... that is me... the designer and architect in me...

it's not about the money.. it's not about the fame....

i will be an architect... but i will define my own profession... so, sorry if i am not your cup of tea... or if you thnk it is pointless... but no, i dont wanna live my life, looking back one day and think what could have... no, i wanna look back, and be able to smile... cos i know i did that.. i did what i know i wanna do....

i am made for bigger things than this

Redemption's Call

2009-10-25T03:09:00.003+11:00

Strangely... Listening to Linkin Park playing live on their Road to Revolution album reminds me of my old band back home...

ahh... i miss you fellas........

chemistry is hard to come by... once its gone... u will wish it never did go....

i miss being able to just look at you and know you will follow my lead
i miss being able to just stomp my feet and you will know when to build
i miss those times we skipped lunch for jamming
i miss playing spontaneously with you and just singing whatever comes to mind
i miss being able to just blast the sanctuary's speakers and play like no one is annoyed
i miss writing our own songs and cracking our heads over what to do next
i miss cramming into the store room as we pray before the services
i miss scavenging thru the stockpile of songsheets minutes before the practices while hoping pastor helen will not catch me doing last minute preps.. haha
i miss jumping with u at that delirious concert
i miss the night we played church songs at prom.. that was awesome...

Redemption's Call started with a dream
now that i am gone.. i hope the dream continues
perhaps with a different name
or under a different banner
but yea.. i will never forget you...
and hopefully i can take what i learned from you
and turn it into something else even more beautiful...

2009-10-24T21:58:00.003+11:00

Ed asked me last night..
"How do you see yourself in church in the next five years?"

I smiled...
There are certain things in life that happens, and you just can't help but smile...

Things like.. watching a person grow..
helping them every step of the way...
from strength to strength...
yes you get annoyed when they dont listen
yes you feel fustrated when you dont really know what to say or do
but oh the joy you get when you see that person rise up
deciding to take a stand
choosing to follow God
and you just see the blessings of God just pouring and pouring and pouring into their lives...
Things like these
Makes you smile

Therefore
I'm proud of you
Proud of who you have been
Proud of who you are
Proud of who you will be

How do I see myself in church in the next five years?
We'll find out
Step by step...

Cooking with MC (Season 1 Episode 0.01)

2009-10-21T17:19:00.005+11:00

for those who arent entirely informed about my current status..

well, let's just say it has been a very very busy studio week...

and in the very colloquial malaysian term,

it is a very "CAN DIE AH" week...
so naturally u become quite... not yourself...

for example...

what do you do when u are just so tired mentally and u just cant be bothered to cook or eat cos you just dont really wanna move ur butt off the chair but u know u need to eat so u just gotta cook something but at the same time there isnt anything new in the fridge or storage and all tht is left are those dreaded dreaded dry and cold and yucky leftover sushi from Cathy's workplace??

you improvise... *grins*

so firstly... u chop em up

fry em up...

but add some eggs, processed cheese, salt pepper and some pasta sause...dont ask me why i chose them, i just. had a feeling..lol

i have no idea why this picture is portrait and not landscape

and you get...

TADA~!!!!

Fried Assorted Leftover Sushi

Copyrights Reserved @ Richard Lee 2009

didnt taste tht bad, honestly.... but dont try this at home, kids...lol.. i wont be liable for any tummy eggs..=)

toodles~

Open + Close

2009-10-19T15:47:00.002+11:00

I am just so fascinated with Kim Walker lately..=)

anyway...

YAY~!!!!

yeap... one door closes, another opens.. and it did!!!

i got another interview...=DD

it's this friday (23rd Oct 2009) at 2pm...

more daffodils by the sidewalks again today...=)

please keep me in prayer yea....

so just as i wrote before

***

i will do my part

i will try my best

and the Lord will bless

when the time is right

You make everything beautiful in Your time

Mary + Martha

2009-10-18T15:27:00.005+11:00

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
Yeah, He loves us

Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

How He Loves Us by Kim Walker from Jesus Culture

something about these people.. people like them and people like Hillsong... they write songs that are so relevant.. and they speak directly to my heart.. why don't we sing such songs anymore...?

but i'm not here to whine...

i teared when she spoke... about a love encounter.. like a sloppy wet kiss when heaven meets earth... that love encounter, and you will never be the same again...

martha is so tired.. in fact i feel martha lost track of time.. time is like a distant memory now.. she cant really rmb what she did neither does she really know what to do next... it scares her.. to face the future.. to face what might be, what could be... it's scary.. many a times she just wanna curl up and hide away.. but no, she cant.. the realities of life just catches hold.. and the drama begins again... like a puppet on a string... always struting on the stage of life... hopefully getting somewhere... hopefully.... going to bed everyday wishing more things has been done... waking up everyday wishing she doesnt need to face the day.... her song died... her dance ceased...

mary, oh where is mary? i miss mary... we used to sing heaven's songs... i even rmb the day we teared while cycling back home from uni... tht was just so random... or the day on our knees... just giving back our lives to God... or the day we prayed and prayed and saw God's hand moved... dearest mary, where art thou...

i've just been too busy... too too busy... and distracted.... *sigh*

i guess i did whine after all...

2009-10-17T18:00:00.004+11:00

***TO INFINITY AND BEYOND..!!!***

-Toy Story-

***My Mumma always say, 'Life is like a box of chocolates,

you never know what you're gonna get..'***

-Forrest Gump-

AJA AJA!!!

2009-10-14T22:21:00.005+11:00

you, white washed walls
will you speak?
of course u wont
but i realize that i sit here all day
while u stand there
in your four corners
observing from a distance

you, black topped laptop
will you speak?
of course you wont
but i realize i sit here all day
while you feed me free music
everyday fueling my crave with a new song
but somehow no new tune is ever enough

you, windows live messenger
will you speak?
of course you wont
but i realize i sit here all day
while i maintain my online status
still you remain dormant
still you remain silent

you, yes you
you dont have to speak
all i need for you to do is just listen

you, yes you
dont think too much
cos sometimes things are just not so complicated

dont try too hard
cos really, in the end
the best thing to do
is to just stay silent
because your presence alone
speaks a lot to my heart

cos i think in the end
all that really matters
is that i dont wanna be alone
no, i dont wanna be alone

P.S- Holidays, WHERE ART THOU?

You make everything beautiful in Your time

2009-10-14T02:14:00.002+11:00

I sit on the tram asking why
Is it because I asked too much?
or is it because I didnt ask enough?

i came to a conclusion

from now on i will not ask God for anything
if He wanna bless He will bless
if He wanna take away He can just take away

i dont wanna ask for anything anymore
cos in the end i am not in control
i will do my part
i will try my best
but i guess i will not ask
i will just let Him surprise me

that is so much better than asking for something
and if it doesnt happen, u get dissappointed

i dunno why...
but thru out this week i kept asking
and for some strange reason i felt tht it was wrong
i had tht uneasiness in my heart
telling me its selfish and immature
i dunno why...

so in a way, i didnt really ask for it too
cos at the back of my mind, i felt it was wrong

but is it? is it wrong to ask?
i guess not...
the Bible nevr forbids us to ask
just tht i guess i am just deciding that i will not ask
i will just do my part
i will try my best
and if it's time to bless
He will...

i guess one of the reasons why daffodils and february trees
are just so nice and warm n fuzzy
it's because i didnt ask for them
God dropped em on my doorstep
and i picked em up as i go
and i follow as He leads

yes, i think in the end i took this opportunity for granted
God made it so easy, dropped everything along my path
i took it for granted, and wanted to make it my own
i guess tht's why i felt bad
and i guess tht's why it didnt fall thru in the end

but it was a good experience..
cos it showed me i have what it takes
and i know i almost got there

so, it's decided

i will do my part
i will try my best
and the Lord will bless
when the time is right

You make everything beautiful in Your time

Waiting: Day 1

2009-10-12T19:25:00.002+11:00

Waiting sucks...

Really... like

OH MY GGOOSSSHHHHHHH

yeap, like that....

yes i know i know, it's not yet time right? they say they'd decide today and email me tmr... but who knows? they might be super hardworking and decide to do it today...

but nope..

nothingggg.....

i woke up at 9, switch on the com, and left my inbox open and keep an eye on it till 5pm

FIVE PEE (H)AMMM

but nope, nothingggg.... *WAIL*

guess i just have to wait till tmr...

sigh

patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue... amen

***

on a lighter note....

i realized today, on the way back...
i burped.. and it tasted like marshmallows~!!!

oh it's so grossly yummy....lol

2009-10-11T21:14:00.002+11:00

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
silver white winters that melt into springs,
these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

My Favourite Things from Sound of Music

dear Lord, please let it happen.. i really really really want it to happen....
but it's out of my hands now....
so dear Lord, if You said that no father will give his son a stone when the son asked for a bread...
then dear Lord, please, give me bread...

but still in the end, not mine, but Your will be done...

into Your Hands I commit my spirit again...

2009-10-08T14:47:00.002+11:00

oh i am so excited.. like a little boy in a corner... waiting for the right time to leap in joy and say "YYAAAYYYYYY....."

yet at the same time i feel... weary.. kinda... a lil... haha... i'm in denial... well, yes of cos, who wont be a tad afraid if he is going for his first interview? =DD

but yes i am... tmr.... wow wee~! =DD

i am just so happy right now because the week is almost over.. and the only thing left this week is that interview.. OH DEARS....

and i guess i am tired.. cant wait to get home and crash... oh but i bought oh-so-lovely mars bars just now... just to help me feel less crappy... just so tired...

***

dear God

i know life is such that You give me sweets in times of weariness.. like Mars bars in my tiredness.. You are just so random sometimes.. or rather, lately, You have been just random.. so many surprises... so many lovely gifts You have given me...

but i am afraid.. afraid i will lose it all.. but then sometimes i think about it.. what do i have anyway.. everything and everyone i have now is from You... You own them all... i have no control..

i used to be so self driven and self assured... i never really think twice about what i do... but now things are different... i dunno why but they just are... i guess i just need to be really sure this time, before i take the plunge...

i guess its time to take my prayer to another level... to not just persevere and preserve but i guess in the end, show me, show me that this is meant to be.. i must confess i am very skeptical about how this will all work.. and really in the end, the best way i know how to test if this is real, is thru time.. is to wait... because all along i have never waited... so this time i will wait....

so just as Jacob made a list and believe for you to fulfill it.. i am now making my own list.. untill You fulfill em or prove me wrong.. then i will just wait...

and while i wait.. help me to be contented with daffodils and mars bars.. that life is such that the end will justify the pain it took to get us there...

You make all things beautiful in Your time

So i lay this interview in Your Hands.. if they are for me, i know You will see me thru..

Amen

2009-10-07T03:08:00.002+11:00

first of all

why didnt anyone leave a comment about my last post? haha... is the mention of my father that intimadating? lol or is it not funny? =(

watever~

it's 3am... honestly i cant be bothered going thru the portfolio again.. i'm just so so tired already.. should be fine la... some pages are so boring, i must confess.. but some are just so nice..=) haha.. i guess i will just have to be quick with the boring pages when i am presenting...

OH DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET EM LIKE ME...I'M A NICE PERSON RIGHT?

okay... i am starting to whine.. not good... but I'M JUST SO TIRED...

cant wait for friday..seriously.......

oh.. i just realized... stupid blogger doesnt know how to auto update himself on daylight saving.. tsk...

OK TIME to CRASH..

*side note*

Dearly beloved reader,

i know you love me that is why you are stalking this whiny blog..=) SO.. do me a favour? please pray for me.. this Friday 4PM... is my interview... i dont wanna get my hopes up... but i really do find this company interesting.. and i really like their people... and since they called me back for an interview, i hope they will like me too...

please pray that i will have a clear mind, confident and steady. pray that they will be cheerful and open towards what i have to offer.. i guess ultimately, just help pray that God's hand will be over the entire interview..

amen? amen..=) thank u... will keep u guys informed of what happens

Mid Autumn Day

2009-10-02T16:40:00.004+11:00

Once upon a mid autmn night, there was a young man...

He just started working not too long ago..

And is beaming with hope and a bright future...

But unfortunately, just a little naive and under exposed... (lol)

Then came a fellow colleague who had an insatiable craving for em round thingies called mooncakes...

Said that greedy fellow colleague to the beaming young man,

"Hey, Leslie, would you mind going down to the bakery across the road..

and get for me two 'ping pei (cold skin)' mooncakes please?"...

And so he did...

Moments later, the beaming young man came back disturbed..

He passed the paper bag of mooncakes to his fellow colleague ...

His colleague immeadiately digged into the bag expecting to find his 'ping pei' mooncakes..

But turned to Leslie and asked,

"Didn't I asked for 'ping pei'? You brought me the normal ones.."..

Leslie shrugged and said, "You meant the green ones in the fridge?"

"YeAH.. that's the one!"

Disgusted, Leslie bounced back, "But they 'fatt mou (fermented)' already wan wo !?"

*SWEAT DROP*

YEAP... that is my daddy~

i will never forget this story.. i rmb the first time he told us the story,

grace and i couldnt stop laughing in utter amazement..

OUR FATHER?? THAT NAIVE???? LAUGH OUT LOUD~!!!

haha.. but yes, i guess we all have our share of youthful innocence

that we just lost somewhere along the way in the name of maturity..

but that is my dad.. he can be so random and unexpected at times...

Love you Pups.. Always...

When Reality Sinks In

2009-10-01T16:43:00.002+11:00

everything around me in still silence
as i breathe a long sigh
my eyes stares into nothingness
my mind starts to drift away

but my heart pulls me back
gives me two tight slap
like a puppet on a string
i jerk myself back to life

the celebration ended
the parade stopped
now the streets are left empty
quiet and barren, i hear the wind speak

this is reality
this is now
and it's now or never

yes, it's really simple to be happy
but i find it's even easier to just slip away
slip away into the temptation of just hiding
just plain ol cowardly hiding

is it alright to say that i am scared?
yes i am scared...
i feel so foolish..
standing here in the middle of His providence
yet i shrink away in fear and doubt
i feel so foolish..
claiming to be the son of the Almighty God
yet my eyes tremble instead of looking up
where my help comes from...

this is reality
this is now
and it's now or never

Teach me to rid myself of selfish desires
Teach me to not depend on mountain moments
Teach me to believe for greater things
Teach me to understand that even when i make my bed in the depths of hell
You are with me

Yes, this is reality
and You are with me

O-M-G

2009-09-30T18:05:00.004+11:00

here i am sitting here in my room
still trying to digest what just happened
well.. not like the world ended
but i'm just so baffled at how many times God has proven Himself true to me
all the lil n random n often funny and unexpected ways
i just dunno what to say

when i needed an ironing board
He gave me one for plus size apparels and the board turned out SO huge..lol

when i needed a reason to smile
He gave me daffodils on the sidewalks and pretty cherry blossums to look at

when i needed proper food
He overloaded me with sushi and sushi and more sushi

when i needed a friend
He gave me the best bff ever =)

when i needed a family
He gave me everyone in RCC

and when i thought i have messed it all up because of my own procrastination and lack of wisdom in time management
He gave me a job interview

like can you believe it ??

just out of the blue..!!!!
i am just so lost for words...
this is really happening..

O-M-G....
O-M-G....
O-M-G....
O-M-G....
O-M-G....

haha.. ok i need to pee now.. bye

Dear Jubilee

2009-09-24T22:12:00.002+11:00

Dear Jubilee

I sit here every night wondering how are you gonna be? yea, i know it's totally too early to think about it.. but sometimes i just cant help it..

will u have my eyes? no wait, no pls dont have my eyes (dear God, please take note..lol) i dont like em.. well, do me a favour, and look like ur mum! lol.. i bet she will be beautiful..=) but i hope you'd share my same sense of immature humour and laugh along with me whenever i try to cheer u up.. always dream big. because u have a God that is watching over you always, and you deserve the best...

have you seen mummy? well neither have i.. she's a mystery, that one.. never really understand or understood her till now.. quite honestly, i dont even know how she would look like... haha... you should pray along with me~ dont worry about me tho.. daddy will be fine.. just a lil confused... hopefully mummy will find her way home one day..=)

i know God is placing the lil pieces of you together right now.. deciding on which parts of me to include into your system.. haha.. but i know you will be beautiful..=) prolli God is planning out your life right now, all your hopes and dreams, all your tears and joy.. every single laughter and every single cry..hmm...

but always rmb everything happens for a reason and always know your existance will never be in vain.. always rmb your life has God sized dreams... and dont ever ever let your past dictate who you're gonna be... because you are Jubilee.. and you are special.. always will be...

Love,
Daddy

Small Gestures

2009-08-05T18:13:00.003+11:00

Small gestures and simple pleasures
Always something we take for granted
But somehow, these few days, i get it a lot...

This week has been crazy crazy crazy
Firstly, my leg is a BIG pain in the butt
Cos for some strange a reason i cant figure out
I overworked my leg and now my thighs are so freaking weak
Cant even climb the stairs properly

And i am like trying to juggle between my portfolio and my current uni work...Felt so terrible on tuesday night cos i knew i could have come up with something way better than any of those .... well, common ideas that were being explored by the class... i just knew i can do better than that... but i spent so much time on my portfolio.. haiz... not dead yet.. still coping.. still alive! =)

but when i say simple pleasures.. well, its just the little things God would put along the way... just to make my life sweeter..

like.. somehow... as much as i was hating the fact that i have to walk to uni this week, and having my legs being such a pain... i noticed lil white daisies sprouting out all over the green strips along royal parade... i mean, they're so pretty~! haha.. small lil pretty things... quite nice to look at.. made my journey to uni that slightly better..=)

simple gestures like my lecturer postponing a lecture this week and resulting in my appointment with annemarie being postponed to next week as well... which gives me more time to work on my portfolio.. which consequently gives me more time to work on my studio idea..=)

and i guess one of the biggest example of God's faithfulness is what happened just now...

i didnt take my breakfast and had to rush to uni.. and when it was all over it was already 1.30pm... i didnt wanna spend money on lunch so i decided i should just go home and cook... and i had quite alot to carry.. and i was hungry enough to eat a cow and my legs were killing me.. and well, i was VERY TEMPTED to hitch a free ride from the trams...

and its funny how the devil likes to tempt us... cos when i walked out to the main road... the tram was already leaving the stop... so i was like .. ok whatever.. i missed it, just walk... then suddenly, i could see ANOTHER oncoming tram from the stop further down the road... and again.. VERY TEMPTED to get on it... besides.. no one checks ur ticket anyway once u left the city area... i stood at the stop and contemplated for quite a while.. haha...

but i decided i shouldn't anyway.. it's not right...=)

so i walked... with my headphones on.. i just sorta started to do some thinking... the walk didnt feel tiresome at all... and before i knew it, i was home...

but then i realized something... on my way home, i actually came up with a fantastic idea of what to do for my pop architecture project (just one of the many other things that i am trying to juggle with)...!!! and this idea actually happened ON MY WAY HOME...haha

and i realized that if i had hitched a free ride on that tram... i would mostly be SO pre-occupied with looking out for em tram officers that i would never have time to come up with this idea... !!! =)

so yea, God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him.. even in little things such as not hitching a free ride from the tram... haha.. cos i think the idea i received is way more precious..=)

WEEK 2 OF UNI (AGAIN)

2009-08-03T12:41:00.007+11:00

and so it begins, another week in uni...

this time i started out with sore thighs, arms and a sore back.. thanks to the game of paintball last saturday... i really need to work out more.. i mean, even siting down on my chair hurts~!!! LOL... crazy i know....

but what can i say? it has been a wonderful week... God opened many doors for me... nothing really concrete now, but it's a start...=) and it's really up to me now to make the most of them...

***

now on a side note... just wanna give a shout out to all T.U.G.ians and GTSDians!!!
HAPPY 17TH ANNIVERSARY~!!!!!!
was stalking Keng's fb.. and here's a few shots i love... =)

it was nice to see the Leong Family around again.. =)

goodness Keng.... Allison is becoming more like u~!! LOL

Pastor Helen and the worship band

i can't say that i do not miss you guys...
the time we painted the youth room with that dove
the time we came together to work out our first self written song
the time when all we had was a stereo for sound effects in our sketches
the time we shared in kids church and all that screaming
the time we presented our first fully self composed Christmas presentation
the time the invited pastor prophesied over our future as a youth group
the time where we had to relocate to a new building
the time where we had our first youth rally
the time where we had our first TUG race
the time where we had to learn table manners
the time where we had to learn self control and leadership by example
the time we hit 30 strong
the time pastor clement prophesied that we will no longer be the Upcoming Generation but the Ultimate Generation

all the times spent in the bus on the way to camp
all the times spent sleeping on the bus coming home from camp
all the times where we had to send ppl away
all the times where we celebrated someone's birthday
all the times we held hands and sang and jumped in unison

all the times we thought we were going to lose it
all the times we know we are undefeated

and i am sure there are more memories... too much to list down

after 17 years of being in almost every picture of the church... now tht i am not in any... makes me happy... cos the picture i see is a picture of a youth that is growing and will continue to grow.. i hear it is now 40 strong? touching 50 already? =)

keep it going.. you are the ultimate...

FIRST DAY OF UNI (AGAIN)

2009-07-27T22:23:00.003+11:00

July is coming to an end already...

Time passes by so fast.. but when i come to think of it... I have learned a lot.. Grown a lot...

In a way i think life now makes a lot more sense... and my existence has got more meaning... because this time around it is up to me to make my own life...

No more living under the shadow of somebody else.. no more living on the faith of somebody else.. on the providence of somebody else... no more reaping the blessings of someone else's toil...

Time to make my own life... wear my own armour... fight my own battles....

And in a way.. life makes more sense this way... more meaning.. with a sense of purpose...=)

I feel that this year God is really teaching me faith... and it is very surprising how far i have gone in this department... to learn to let go...

Letting go... one of the hardest things i can do... i have an uncertainty avoidance personality, so what can i do? haha... i tend to wanna take control... and i guess in many ways when i am not in control... it scares me....

but it's amazing how much i have learned to let go.... and learning to have faith and not be afraid...

Staying all alone with house parents i never met before
Living by myself in a strange and foreign country
Adapting into a new school system
Writing my first research paper
Learning to control and manage my finances
Joining a church full of people i never knew
Learning to surrender my heart, my whole heart
Learning to seek God for an answer
Learning to be at peace with whatever God's answer will be, He still loves me and He's got it all planned out

and i guess in the same way

I am learning to be at peace that God will provide me with a job here

this is going to be a crazy semester...

the heat is ON..!!!!

2009-07-21T19:42:00.002+11:00

I am falling down to reach you
Close my eyes to see you
Annihilate my body
Elevate my soul

I am coming round the corner
And looking over my shoulder
Living like its over
Cause all I want is You

All I want, all I want
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You

I am taking hold of liberty
Counting on the mystery
Jumping for the energy
And going out of my mind

Cause You are speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
And that's why You are

All I want, all I want (that's what I want)
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You

All I want, all I want (all I want)
This life is amazing the moment that I chose
All I want is You

All I want is You
All I want, All I want is You,
All I want is You, All I want is you

Speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
And that's why You are

All, All I want
All, All I want
Tonight all I want is You

All I want
All I want
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You

All I want
All I want
This is life is amazing the moment that I choose
All I want is You

Cause You are Speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
Now all I want is You

All I Want by Jared Anderson

2009-07-19T14:23:00.002+11:00

it's unfair isnt it?

very

as an unborn child, lil Rick choked himself with his umbilical cord in his mother's womb... cutting the oxygen supply to his brain... making him a born vegetable.. forever paralyzed...

the doctors recommended that he put to rest.. i'm sure if he could speak, he would ask for the same thing...

but his parents chose to keep him. Dick was his father...

one day in his primary years, Rick and Dick joined a marathon together... Rick was once an athlete so he pushed his son all the way to the finish line...

after the race, Rick told his father that when he was out there running, he felt normal again.. ever since then... Dick never stopped running... just so his son will feel normal again... to be normal... to be accepted....

and as the whole church fell silent watching the father and son duo make it thru the triathlon... i cant help but smile... but at the same time, i could not hold back what i know very well is tears at my eyes...

Dick would swim and drag Rick along with him on a inflatable boat... He would run with him, pushing him along on a wheeled basket... He would sit Rick in front of his bike and cycle with him...

everything just so his son would be normal again...

........

just so unfair isnt it?

but such is the love of God for me

i do feel retarded almost all the time... unlike Rick who was borned that way... i feel retarded coz i chose to be... and it's just all a mess....

but still God died for me

so unfair...

but such is the Father's love

God is like constantly reminding me of His love for me, again and again...

No more sorrow, no more pain...

You hold me now, You hold me now...

2009-07-18T19:19:00.002+11:00

OMGOSH OMGOSH OMGOSH...!!!!!!!

RELIENT K IS COMING TO MELBOURNE~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-18T17:53:00.003+11:00

this is going to be a long post... if you dont have the time, come back later...haha

i was talking to floflo last night on9... and the question "what do you wanna be in TEN years time" came up...in ten years time i'd be 31... wow... old man...haha

but wel for me, career wise, i wanna be in the process of getting accredited...

family wise, hopefully, seriously hopefully..lol, i'd be expecting my first child~!! =)

and i told floflo... if it is a girl i wanna name her Jubilee... if it is a boy... i will just let the mother decide..haha... but yea Jubilee..=)

she asked me why... i said it's because of what Jubilee means to me... freedom, glad tidings and celebration.... below is what Pastor Joel Osteen said about Jubilee at Hillsong Conference 2009...

"every fiftieth year was a very significant year.. it was called the year of Jubilee..it was a time of great celebration...most ppl back then, they only experience it once every lifetime and what made this year of Jubilee so significant was because....in this year, all the debts wil be canceled...all the slaves would be set free...all the servants, they would be released to go back to their original homes, be reunited with their families...not only that, all the property would be returned back to their original owners..

"for instance, if you sold your home years back cos u needed the money..and somebody pays you rent year after year...perhaps they even paid the property off. it didnt matter..in this fiftieth year, if it had your name on it.or your families' name on it... it would be returned back to you...

"it was a year that everybody looked forward to...a year of release...release from debt.. release from captivity.. release from unfair situations.... you could be working hard night and day... struggling year after year...but you knew if you could just make it to Jubilee, everything will be okay... Jubilee is coming...

"as great as Jubilee was, the great prophet Isaiah prophesied that something that was coming that was even better... he said, "the Spirit of LORD is upon me, to announce the year of God's favour / a day where the free favour of God profusely abounds.." Isaiah was saying there was a day coming, it's not here just yet..but there will be a day where God's people dont have to wait fifty years for Jubilee... but they can live IN Jubilee...

"many years later.. Jesus quoted this same passage...but he said," I'm not here to announce like the prophet Isaiah that Jubilee is coming. I'm here to declare that Jubilee has arrived."...and because of what Jesus has done, you and i dont have to wait 20 years to be blessed...you dont have to wait ten years to be free... you dont have to wait 5 years for God's favour...no, friends, this is your year of Jubilee...

"God is saying to you, this is your year to be released from every bondage...this is your year to be released from debt..to be released from sickness... to be released from addictions... to be released from depression... to be released from anything that is holding you back.. not only that, everything that has your name on it... God is saying that this is d year that He wanna restore that back to you... He wants to restore the business... restore the property... restore the dreams.. restore the health... this is your year to see the free favour of God profusely abound in you...

So yea, Jubilee..=)

i think it's just beautiful..haha...floflo agrees too..=)

but then floflo was saying if my family name is Lee.. then won't the gal be - Jubilee Lee? LOL.... well, we'll crack that nut later...

i just know that this year is my year of Jubilee... it's like suddenly life makes so much more sense... i cant really say how but i just know it in my soul...

i just know in my soul that this time i cant go wrong because i am letting God take control... i just know in my soul that this time it will be okay.. i dont have to be afraid.. just let go... and God will show the way...

it's like this year, the past doesnt matter anymore... because i can see the future.. a future of bright glory... a future waiting for my arrival... it's not a dream... i can see it.. but i just have to work it.. and walk towards it...

and everything that the enemy stole from me, i am claiming it back..

oh i went to the enemy's camp
and i took back what he stole from me
yes i took back what he stole from me
Oh i took back what he stole from me

he's under my feet
he's under my feet
he's under my feet
satan is under my feet

Enemy's Camp

2009-07-15T18:12:00.003+11:00

Damn you bastard child
The ghost of my past
That still lurks in the corners of my mind

I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you

You came to me in the form of a secret
Disguised yourself in innocence
And took root in my mind

Inch by inch i allowed you to stay
With every thought i entertained
i allowed myself to fall captive to your chains

years! years! i have laid motionless
years! years! i have stayed complacent
but no more!

you know i have a future!
you damn well know i have a purpose!
you bloody well know that you are afraid of what i can become!

so you haunt me in my memory
steal me in my dreams
but i am done playing games!

I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you

Now i understand even more why i am given this gift
To cry along with the lost...
To show them there is still a hope...
That a God still cares
A God who loves them so much that He came to die for their sins
Sins that they thought they should be the one to die for
Sins that I thought I should be the one that should be dead for
But love unfathomable came, and gave itself for us
so that we may live
so that I may live
and yes! I WILL LIVE...

yes! be afraid! be very afraid!
cos I am coming!!
i am coming even stronger than ever!!
and you will NOT BRING ME DOWN!!

The end will justify the pain it took to get us there

Do not rejoice over me, my enemy
When I fall, I will arise
When I sit in darkness
The LORD will be a light to me
Micah 7:8

****

Close my eyes
Falling on my knees
The hope that’s inside
An overwhelming peace

As time’s slowing down
Your soft spoken words
On my heart left a stain
Though no one’s around
And everything’s broken
Your beauty remains
And I realize the reason You came

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Shedding a tear
The taste becomes stale
‘Cause this is why I’m here
The scar of a nail

Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
Angels sing welcome home
Welcome home

And this is what I’ll sing for You
And this is what I’ll sing for You
Oh

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
I realize the reason You came

Hallelujah by Krystal Meyers

*back to normal blogging*

I really like this song... kinda fell in love with it accidentally... something about girls that can rock the guitar turns me on...(omgosh... sounds so wrong..lol) but yea... like how i always fancy ppl like Katy Perry, Avril Lavigne, Michelle Branch...Krystal Meyers?....lol....

i still wanna go see Katy Perry tho... anyone? =( *sobs*

well i apologize if you were horrifically astounded by what i wrote up there... it's just one of those moments.. when you really feel like gutting the devil's belly? yea.. one of those... it was very intense... haha... i was staring at the screen most of the time... with tears clogging up my eyes... those were genuine emotions...XD

but ah well, i learned my lesson today.. dont be complacent.... the devil knows.... and he will attack in every possible direction... what pastor preached last last week was very true... the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness... i need em more....

like Jesus, getting baptised in Holy Spirit was just one part of my journey... i still need to go thru the wilderness... still need to face my demons.... and like Jesus, i should counter the attacks with the Word of God... and not just try by my own will... cos we fail all the time...

it's just that well, things are starting to look well around here... i was telling a friend last night, that everything seems to be turning out well and exciting... so exciting that i grew a tad complacent.. and he struck...ah...well... no more... i will be prepared.. i will guard my heart..=)

long holidays are bad for richard lee... im growing lazy... cant wait for uni to start again....haha...XD

2009-07-11T16:56:00.004+11:00

OMGOSH................... HI CHARMAINE!!!!! =DDDD MC-53 officially has a THIRD FOLLOWER...!!! =DDDD

ahem

u know what i miss?

i miss driving along the LDP Freeway at the wee hours of the day... no one on the road but me... crazy drivers speeding... but i keep my cool... and just cruise through along the tarmac.... everyone asleep in their homes.... with hints of dim lighting somewhere in that sea of slumbering darkness.... the street lights above me... the radio beside me.... and there's something magical about the dashboard... the way it lids up at night... it just cool.... driving pass 1U...empty, desolate, quiet.... i dunno... something about it makes me feel alive.... something fun about it....

yea i do drive home late alot last time... cos i had to stay back in uni for work most of the time... never thought that i will miss it... it never crossed my mind... but it's the simple things like this u just miss.... when everything comes to a halt... and u suddenly realize u do miss it after all...

i miss getting stuck in a jam... and how i force my way thru... so that i can get to uni on time... it is hilarious thinking about it now... i was SO agressive... and i am shouting in my car most of the time... astho the other drivers can hear me...haha.. JJ and Rudy on Hitz.fm..... ah... miss those jokers....

i miss annoying ppl by tailgating em ... i missed being annoyed by people tailgating me... and i miss annoying those ppl that tailgate me....lol..... how i annoy those that tailgate me? well i just wouldn't budge... and they will be forced to overtake me... i mean, i dun care.. im travelling at the maximum speed allowed... if u wanna go faster... then by all means over take me... but since im already on the fast lane... u just gota scoot over to the left then.. aint my problem... haha...but yea i know such attitude can get me bad if i bump into a road bully... thank God i have been discreet so far...XD

i miss fighting for car park space on the 4th floor of 1U... i do so often i can navigate it with my eyes closed... haha... it was fun... the anticipation of a car driving away... the watchful eyes carefully scanning the area for shoppers heading back to their cars... and the sudden jolt of my feet at the clutch, speeding towards them... and slowly inching behind em as they reached their cars... it was fierce... fierce indeed...

and as crazy as it sounds... i miss drving with my sister... we do the craziest things in the car... like seriously.... i miss teaching her how to drive... altho i would be screaming most of the time... but it was fun..=) yet nerve wrecking... cos u never when she's gonna dent the car... but hallelujah praise the Lord.. no harm is done to the car YET... haha...

i miss driving around not knowing where on earth am i going... and discovering new roads... its SO fun... especially when its late at night... why at night again? i have no idea... architects are owls... seriously....

and as much as i hated it, i miss having to constantly watch out for the heat meter at the dashboard.. cos the old Proton have a very old radiator.. and i needed to constantly moniter it... u never when it will need a refill again... so yea, gone thru a few times where i had to switch off the AC... it was just irritating... cos of the heat in Malaysia.. and ur on the road.. which makes it hotter.... and the dust and smoke from the cars... just eeww... i hated it... and have i mentioned how much i HATE bad exhaust? seriously, hate it BIG TIME.... ever since i came here, kinda miss the feeling of hating it... lol.... would like to hate it again...lol

simple things that we take for granted...oh wells.......

2009-07-09T06:14:00.003+11:00

it is 5.14am... im crazy

this is wat i have been working on all night..
COMMENTS PPL

it's not final, of course... it's just a first attempt at giving it a fresh look, whilst still retaining the idea of a palm.... can u see it? =) it's kinda like a eye illusion... cos it is both a palm and a dove at the same time..=DD

COMMENTS PPL

gonna show pastor this friday....

2009-07-08T13:18:00.004+11:00

I want to....

I WANT TO WATCH ICE AGE 3..!!!!!
so kill joy lar yesterday.... and now that the date is called off i wonder who will go with me.... =( since those that wanna watch are already making their own plans for the next attempt...and everyone else sure no more mood to watch it already by now.... it's either they will be lazy to go cinema to watch it, or they will be just too mature to watch a cartoon...*bluek* =(

don't care... GRACE RMB TO GET THE DVD...i'm coming home to watch...=DDDD

*mumble mumble*

i guess i'm just the kind that doesn't realy go out much.. but when i do, i wanna make sure i gett do what i set out to do, or else i'd be disgruntled... lol... it's true... even for shopping... i dun shop much... but when i do, i take it to the max.... and if i come back empty handed......well... u wouldn't wanna know... it will be raining the whole day i guess....XD (by that, i don't mean crying.. i just mean it wll be a moody day, sometimes..depending on how much i was banking on being able to watch it.haha...kidd....)

I WANT TO WATCH TRANSFORMERS...!!!
i am anyway, tonight.. so wat the heck....

I WANT TO WATCH KATY PERRY LIVE IN MELBOURNE
but no one will go with me...=( but isn't she so cool? why don't u ppl like her? =( or would i go alone...? hmmmm....... nah

I WANT TO WRITE A NEW SONG...!!!
i have so many ideas bubbling in my head right now..SO MANY..... and my hands are so itchy now... but no guitar..=( WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY GUITAR???? *wail*

I WANT TO *holds breath* STOP THINKING AND JUST START ON MY RESUME AND CV AND PORTFOLIO SO THAT I CAN FIND A EMPLOYER AND THEN GET THE VISA DONE AND THEN I CAN STOP WORRYING IF I WILL HAVE TO FLY BACK TO MSIA

there u go... i'm done whining... now, time for lunch....

oh one more thing

I WANT ALTERED FREQUENCY'S NEW ALBUM..!!!
why la they take so long to release it? now that i'm here, only they decide to happily announce the new album is in stores...

somebody please go buy and rip and send over..=DDDD

2009-07-06T15:32:00.002+11:00

oh my gosh...i re-read my recent posts and i realize my English SUCK big time....

like how i wrote "late back" instead of "laid back" and how i wrote "taking pictures are so not my thing" instead of "IS so not my thing"....@_@

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME????????

i just finished watching Australia... after like wat... breaking it up to 3, 4 times? it was just so boring i had to stop watching it and continue another time.. and today i officially finished watching one of the most boring shows ever... but i guess i just wanted to watch cos after all i AM in Australia.. so no harm watching a show about its history (more like a super drama-fied history in the case of this movie).... and it is just SO BORING.....

but for some strange reason i teared again in this show... WHY LAAAAAA.........

i-am-ab-nor-mal...

but hey, as much as my english suck... im getting paid lately to take trial english tests.. wohoooo~!!!! FIFTY DOLLARS again tomorrow...=DDDD

2009-07-06T01:18:00.004+11:00

the word of the day is

SERIOUS

am i too serious? will i ever learn to take it easy?

i guess it is just the way i am brought up... pa was never too laid back about anything he puts himself into... i also dunno why am i so serious... i thnk too much i know....

but i am learning

i am learning to find stability
i am learning to find a job
i am learning to control my finances
i am learning to take care of my health
i am learning to stand on my two feet
i am learning to control my emotions
i am learning to love selflessly
i am learning to surrender my heart
i am learning to be faithful in little things
i am learning to be true to myself
i am learning to be a man of integrity

i am learning...

i guess i am learning to be less serious as well.....

anyway...

YAY...annoying lil nameless squirrel.... here i come...!!!!!! i hope u really do get to eat ur nut this time... =DDD

2009-07-05T20:34:00.003+11:00

first of all, i wanna give a shout out to Wina SW..!!!!! Hope i spelt ur username correctly...lol... i have no idea how u found my blog, and i dunno wats so good about my blog...but since u decided to follow my blog...

WELCOME~!...=DDD

Camp was fantastic.. and no... i have no pictures... i did bring my camera... and i did bring my charger too... but i just didnt take any pictures.... so weird isnt it.. i guess taking pictures are just so not me...@_@ sorry fellas... but i guess when my church members like Mat uploads the pics on FB and i get tagged thn u can view some... there is a geisha family portrait u guys gotta see...!!! =)

One thing i take away from camp

i realize that i have been having a wrong perception of my gift all along. my role is not to pray FOR anyone... but to pray WITH... so i sudnt be so concerned with what will God tell me... Cos God will in His own time... i'm just there to pray with em...

and i noticed that it's mostly simple words or sentences like 'victory', 'joy' or 'you are precious'... and i just go on from there... it's exciting i must say... =)

*****

you know, i like to think that i am emotonaly stronger now, but i realize that sometimes when u are not careful, u can mess things up pretty much again... i tok a walk with Geoff today, just to talk... i tot that it will help confirm the actions that i have taken lately. but i got even more confused towards the end of the day.... i started to stare into blankness again...@_@ so i got some of the guys to go for chocolate... heavenly chocolate...=DDD just to u know, get away.... but it didnt really help... came back home after and i had to sit on my bed... i started to talk senses back into myself... to realign myself again.. then, ah...yes... this was what i wanted to do... and this is what i am doing...

all's good now... i'm back on track.... but im just reminded of how murky it can all get sometimes....

2009-07-01T23:28:00.003+11:00

the author apologizes for the appalling lack of proper sentence structure and amount of grammatical error in this post... sometimes we get caught in the moment..haha

today was a very very fun day... seriously...=)

but i guess there is a time and place for everything... right now... right here... i just wanna write my thoughts......

it's funny how when you think you are the strongest that's when you are the weakest... because hey, it's not by your strength... cos our flesh fails... way too many times we fail.... but it's God... and every time we forget that simple truth is when we let our own flesh overcome us... but i thank God for His mercy... that i have not allowed myself to slip away again... life gets tough i guess....

camp is tomorrow... i am very excited... because not only will i be able to see 30cm tall penguins..=DDDDDD i also know in my heart that God will be moving in this camp... that change is inevitable and a revolution is starting... be it in our hearts, our attitudes or our minds... change will come... and it will come on like a flood...

probably excited also because this is my first winter camp... went to mornington peninsula with marc and euric today and it was CRAZY.... the winds were SO strong... i lost my beanie today...it flew off from my open bag....=( *sobs* but yea, it was CRAZY.... u cannot move at all sometimes... cos its jst so strong... so i was telling myself, if this is just a cape and it's like this...imagine what will it be like tmr when u are on an island....EIK!!! haha....

but one thing i know i seriously need to let go off in this camp, is to stop regretting and move on and do something about the here and now... so many times it has happened.. every time when i am reminded of how much i allowed slip by me when i was in msia, every time without fail i get moved to tears... because i just can't forgive myself for what i have done.... i dunno why... but i just do... i beat myself up every time.... and i will cry and cry before God... but i never seem to get over it....

like last sunday... zita was so nice to be open enough to go to church with marc and euric... i was very happy that she decided to go along with them... and so i went along as well... for moral support... the service was great.. i mean hey it's PLANETSHAKERS...what do u expect? but anyway... at the end of everything, towards the alter call... i just suddenly had this familiar burden once again falling upon me...so so strong burden that i just couldn't sweep aside... and it was talking to me... it said, " Richard, u had THREE years with Zita when you were still at college back home, but u did nothing... now she's here, came alll the way here to visit u guys and shes here at church..and u're gonna do nothing?"....

it broke me... it seriously did... i kept asking God for forgiveness...and that He will have mercy on Zita... so that she may know Him... i just couldn't stop tearing... and a part of me fought back... a part of me was afraid to ask her if i can pray for her... i didnt know how she'd react... but u know what, i did it anyway...

me: can i pray for u?
zita: yea sure why not? =)
me: okay =)
zita: what do i do?
me: just close your eyes

and i prayed... the music was blaring...so i went close to her ears... and i prayed my heart out... i surrendered her life, her studies, her family, our friendship all into God's hands... after the prayer... she hugged me.. for quite a while i must say... i dunno... maybe she was touched... but i knew right there and then, i planted another seed in her life...

i had to go off early cos i was gonna meet pastor and sharon back at RCC... but u know, while i was on the tram, i was fighting to hold back the tears that are just clogging up my eyes... right there and then God was speaking to me... and i said yes Lord, i will do what you want me to do from now on...

i was worried that i'd get too emo and will need somebody to pray with me later when i reach church... i was thinking maybe Ed or Geoff... but when i entered the hall, someone called out my name... and somehow it all just dissolved away... and i didnt even notice it happening until i reflected on the day at my bed, but yea, my tears were swept away just like tht... oh well, but thats another story altogether...

but yea, having said all this, i realize that altho i have this awful burden on me, but it made me grow closer to God... like seriously... Richard Lee is entering into the prayer ministry, believe it or not? i dun... haha... but... since the time i last prayed for Wil at church, till now, many things has happened... and it made me grow... and since then i have said many more prayers... for different individuals... and for some reason sometimes i duno how and why, but they'd come to me and say tell me how i said words that they needed to hear or words that they wanted to express themselves but didnt know how to... and somehow, my prayer helped... somehow.... i honestly dun really know what i am blabbering most of the time... but recently i prayed for Wil... and after the prayer i told him i didnt know what i was blabbering about... but he said i blabbered all the right things... that, i didnt expect...

But yea, i wanna go to this camp expecting to bless someone as well.... anyone for that matter... just wanna be there to pray with somebody.... yea, i would love that... and i realize that the more i pray, the more confident i am in my prayer.. and i pray differently now... it's more forceful...somehow...

so yea... camp here i come~!!!!!!

time to shower and pack..=DDDDD

2009-06-29T19:08:00.002+11:00

"Well, i have a wide range or music preferences..From Vivaldi to Metallica..From Charlotte Church to Linkin Park..."
-
"You like Charlotte Church too?"
-
"Yea, I do, I have one of her albums"
-
"I LOVE Charlotte Church..How random.."

*****

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe

The Prayer by Charlotte Church

Running made me stronger
Knowing made me wiser
Loving will only make me more like You

2009-06-27T02:51:00.008+11:00

i decided to make this the very last of the Running Series... I have no need for them anymore...

i stopped running

by the river bank, i sat
and watched lil paper boats pass me by
capitals and cursive words, its pages filled
I watched em all sail away, one by one
Beside me was a book, its pages torn
But it still smelled of chocolate sundaes
Its edges still kept a hint of its past

I got up

I dug a hole with my hands
Cold dark earth numbed my fingers
But i kept digging
I folded what's left of the book
and buried you under that February tree

I got up

I reached into myself
Cold hard hands against a warm feeble heart
Yes, it's still there
I turned to look at the distant night sky
Do i miss the moon?
I do
All the stars above?
I do... I do...

But over across the far edge
Suddenly a bucket full of sunshine I see
It tumbled and fumbled
And made a mess of the valley

I chuckled

The bucket shouted at me
"I'm sorry I made a mess
But i guess sometimes u just can't go back no more..."

I turned

Around me the river I see
As clear as ever my reflection is
And next to me stood the tree
It's branches high as its roots are deep

i guess i will never forget this place
because this is where it all started
Standing under that February tree
and as i looked around
i realized, suddenly
there are no more walls
there are no more windows
just the river, tree, and me
and that silly bucket down the valley

I have arrived

here again at the beginning
but things are not the same
as i watch the the paper boats sail away
as i feel the edges of the book under my feet
i know in my heart i am not the same anymore
running made me stronger
knowing made me wiser

so i shouted back at the bucket
"welcome back! we missed you!
but u gotta put ur heart to it
if u wanna make it up here with us.."

"we can talk all night if you want
but hey i hope u dont mind
i am bringing a friend this time
dont worry tho', She doesn't bite..."

I smiled and I looked away
coz I dont think there is ever getting over you

She looked at me and said
"Do not fret
Running made you stronger
Knowing made you wiser
Loving will make u human"

I looked up to gaze upon Her face
and I said, "It's okay....
You can have the bucket
And everything within it
Just remind that silly bucket once in a while
That You love it very much..

"Cos You changed my heart
Made me see this world thru Your eyes
You made me stronger
You made me wiser
Loving will only make me more like You..."

The End

2009-06-24T09:51:00.003+11:00

it was so hard to sleep last night... probably cos of the exam this afternoon.. but my gosh... it's the exam already, and when the clock strikes 4.15pm... tht's the end of semester one of my first year at Melbourne University...WOW

i woke up to this song.....

Chorus
(Then we'll go) sweepin' through the city,
(where my) captain has gone before
(and we're gonna) sit down by the banks of the rivier;
I won't be back,
I won't be back,
I won't be back no more, no more.

Verse
Blessed are the pure in heart for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).
Blessed are the poor in spirit for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).
Blessed are they that mourn for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).
Blessed are the children of Israel for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).

Sweepin' Thru The City by Ron Kenoly

It will be a smashing day..=)

2009-06-22T23:24:00.001+11:00

RICHARD LEE PLEASE DONT FALL SICK..!!!!!!

no appetite lar...how? =(

2009-06-22T04:43:00.003+11:00

i was running
but something caught my eye
is that indifference i see staring back at me?
i was shocked
i paused and wondered
i looked down and saw my shoes
i fell silent to hear my heart beating
yeah, it's still there

i pulled out a map
made sure i knew where i was going
but i had no idea
am i heading for certain indifference?

so i fell silent again
and i heard my heart beckoning
i reached out to touch it
and realized it's hardly breathing

so i realize i cannot care anymore
i need to brave the valley
i need to fight the demons
and i am going to go to that place
where indifference is a risk i have to take

maybe you're already there
feeling indifferent in your own way
we all feel the pain
we just speak it differently
but i guess, in the end
it's a mystery

i can only pray that you'll find your way
and that indifference will never find you

but for now
i am going to that place
a place where there are no walls
a place where there are no windows
a place where i can stop running
and who knows?
maybe my feeble heart will beat again
and these shoes will dance in the rain again

2009-06-20T02:10:00.006+11:00

Sitting all alone in my room
Thinking that the worlds let me down
All I ever wanted to do is to trust someone to always be around
I've had a lot of lessons to learn from
Some of them hit me so hard
And (but) I keep believing that someday you will see

That I am not alone

so smile, sing, dance..
do whatever you want
know that the fact is i am not alone

i have a friend
a very special one
we go karaoke together
we do the miley cyrus dance together
we take walks up and down the streets
we race each other to and from uni
we get confused over how to cook my lunch of the day
we party hard every friday night
we stay up all night eating marshmallows
we get lost together while taking tram
we complain about ridiculous movie ticket prices all the time
we go crazy over yummy purple jackets
we fall asleep in each other's arms
we laugh together
we cry together
we rule the world together

my friend is the ardent fan at the bleachers
my friend is the girl with that secret love letter
my friend is the footsteps beside me in the sand
my friend is the one living inside my heart

so smile, sing, dance..
do whatever you want
know that the fact is

i will not be alone =)

2009-06-10T01:09:00.002+11:00

it's 6 degrees outside...
i have no idea what temperature it is in here...
but the glass window is all fogged up...

u know, when i told some of the gals at church during lunch that i once did the mohawk style before... they were so astonished... lol.... is it that hard to believe? maybe i should do it again..=DDD

here i am... listening to electrica dance music, bobbin my head... and it's still 6 degrees outside...

have your hands ever get so cold till it hurt? it happened today... IT WAS SO FREAKING COLD THIS MORNING... i was cycling... by the time i reached uni, i could barely feel my fingers... should have wore gloves...

i had to go to the jamban (toilet) to warm my fingers... @_@ and it hurts... but numb at the same time... weird sensation....

but i earned FIFTY DOLLARS today just by doing a trial english test..lol....all because i went for the DELA... first it wa the 25 dollars and now double pulak (sorry no translation for that..=P) so happy...=D

FIFTY DOLLARS~!!! i need to get a job......lol

2009-06-10T00:07:00.002+11:00

i was running
but something caught my eye
is that a window?
yea, the window was gone
u erased it
but i see the pencil again...
at that silent corner
i paused
i thought
i remembered
i remembered why i was running
i turned my head away
and i smiled
at least the pencil is there
i guess i can always draw it again one day
but i remembered
i remembered why i was running
i picked up pace
and continued running
its okay
i will just keep on running
maybe one day u will catch up
maybe you're already there
i dunno
but for now
im going to that place
a place where there are no walls
a place where there are no windows
a place where i can stop running
and who knows
maybe i will dance in the rain again

2009-06-08T23:22:00.006+11:00

........first of all

OMG

my dear mummy.... u are so gullible~!!

okay background check....

few days back i posted this as my msn and facebook pm

"Richard Lee is signed, sealed, but not delivered cause i got quarantined.."

the following few days i have been receiving miscalls from home.. i thought it's just again concern for me and so on...

mana tau (who knew)....

just now
mum: u got swine flu ah? u got quarantined?
me: T_T

LAUGH OUT LOUD

In case some of you who doesnt share the same sentiment and taste as me in music, Signed, Sealed, Delivered is a classic okay... HOW CAN U NOT KNOW THE SONG??

but it's okay.. im very touch-ed..thanks for ur concern, mummy =)

and yes jess, it's touch-ed... maybe its a KL thing... but then again, im not surprised u dunno that slang... after all u dont even rmb mee rebus..!! lol

anyway... i tot i'd share with u what i did last night... it's my manifesto =) (yes, those who dunno but still curious, google it..) i hand drew the whole thing... i kinda like it..=) my last submission this semester...

both sides of the paper

the instructions on how to fold the paper

the sequence of hold u read the manifesto

and it stores up in a cookie jar!! =)

and if u fold it up at an angle, it forms a house..!! cool huh..=D

what's next is the dreaded ONE and ONLY PAPER...=P

oh... and i watched the Sound of Music again today..=D Part of my 'after-a-whole-night's-work' treat...

i think the last time i watched it i was only a boy who still wets his bed..lol

watching it made me cry..awwww....dunno why....

i cried while they sang Do-A-Dear...can u believe it??? lol.... and Sixteen going on Seventeen as well... and many others... dunno la...

i am special... =P (bite me)

but seriously... it's just either the movie is really that powerful... or there's something about that show that really touched something deep within...

i cried for no good reason!!!

i mean Do-A-Dear is a happy song la for crying out loud (hey u know what, we can start a new thing..instead of lol let's have col - cry out loud ..=D...)

anyway

my love goes out for Johnson Oen and his family who lost their grandfather... so sorry i couldn't be there at the funeral.. i wanted to... but it clashed with my submission time..=S

i find myself entering into mylie cyrus mode lately... i will break into karaoke with God... i guess i just need it at this very point of time... but hey... a closing word 4 everyone..=)

if you catch hell, don't hold it..
if you're going thru hell, don't stop..!!
- Ron Kenoly -

2009-06-06T18:46:00.003+11:00

WAKE UP~!! JOY IS HERE..~~!!

this is what happens after you have a short karaoke session with God...=)

2009-06-06T13:29:00.002+11:00

i was looking thru some old documents that i wrote back in my days at taylor's... it was just assignments really... i was re-reading my work... coz i got kinda stuck at my current work...and for some strange reason... i wrote this particular sentence down... i dunno why...but i did... i guess i wasn't really focusing on my draft at that very point of time... but it's like astho i was writing it for me to read, for me right now, at 2009... when this was written, it was 2006...

There are things in life where u have to let go and trust God for the best.. But trust me.. it will NEVER turn out the way we perceive ‘best ‘ to be

indeed, what is best? i will never know... even more increasingly i feel that God is teaching me to have faith in Him and just let go... but even more increasingly i realize how much i do not have faith to let go....

Lord help me to let go, with all my heart soul and mind and not hold anything back but to just let go...

2009-06-04T22:34:00.002+11:00

take a knife
and stab it thru my side
i bleed

my beating heart
now i lay in front of you
dont let it break
the pieces hardly fit anymore

forgiveness they say takes time
but the ghost of my past
doesnt seem to know time at all

the painting on my wall
now a white washed canvas
with pencil outlines
and rubber trails at its side
the masterpiece uncertain
the tapestry undone

the walk is long and hard
cold summer sun in the light of the night
and sometimes i lose my way
fearing these all so familiar corridors

but footprints i see beside me
a presence over me
and that chill down my spine
as tears clog up my eyes
and my body start to tremble
i know You are near

and You begin to take up Your brush
and with every stroke
my life unfolds before my life
and the beautiful masterpiece
marred by life
and coloured by love
You placed it on a pedestal
displayed for all to see

but oh so not for me
but oh so for Your Glory
but the world rejoiced
and You smiled
for what the Lord gives
the world can never take away

and when all is said and done
You will bring me to that place
where no more sorrow and pain
and no more shame and sickness
where Your arms are opened wide
and a kiss on my cheek
and a ring on my finger
and a celebration You will have
all for the return of Your son
as You hold me in Your arms
and You whisper these three words
I-Love-You

i am living for the day

2009-06-04T03:35:00.003+11:00

dear you

do you see what u made me do? i tried to speak but u silenced me... i tried to show you what works but u put me aside... i tried to help but u think im too dominating... so what is a soul to do but to just stay silent?

but hey you

look around you... all the opportunities that you are missing... all the possibilities that you are passing... look around you...it's there!!! grab it!!! but no, maybe you are too comfortable... maybe you are too afraid... maybe everything has turn all too familiar....

but do u know?

i stand here among you every week... sometimes i feel i dunno wat to say... i feel afraid... afraid to say the wrong things... afraid to push you around... so i watch my words... i watch my face... sometimes i just dont bother... but i cant

i dont even know why i bother... after all it has only been 4 months... but i am now so attached to you that when part of you actually wants to leave... i feel sad... really sad... sad cos i know i am not in the position to do anything... so i just sit back and watch...

but hey you

will u let me speak? will u hear me out?

maybe it doesnt have to end this way after all.....

*** when i say you, it doesnt refer to anyone in specific... not at all.... you are me, i am u, we are the body...

Desperate Ah Sohs (Teaser)

2009-05-19T21:34:00.004+11:00

(last night.....)

Richard: (turns to Euric) What's a drag club?
Marc: (shouts from the room) What you did just now larr...!!
Richard: (fixes his eyes on Euric and paused)
Oh.... hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

***

what was that about? i dunno... lol....stay tuned to find out...=D

but be prepared...be VERY PREPARED....

2009-05-18T03:16:00.004+11:00

HELLO~! its 2.18am....wah...daddy dont kill me.... XD

lately my sense of time has all been upside down... i wake up to questioning if i had slept at all, only to find that i slept too much... or i stay up SO long... i forgot how much my body misses the touch of my bed... i rmb laying my body down on my beloved bed after 12 hours of torturous architectural brain squeezing and how heavy my head felt when i touched the pillow... it was like ...aahhhh....nice.......

anyway im not here to talk about my fraternization with my beloved...

i realize that i came to miss alot of ppl along the way as i so...blindly walked my life so far... i dunno...its.... bugging me....

of cos, to everything there is a precedent...

this morning we (cathy desmond and i ) went to church with our neighbour - aunty margerie and her youngest son daniel... dan has his own sets of problems... for his privacy i will not disclose much info on this public domain... but his mother has been praying for him... praying that he find God real once again... life gave him many reason to stop believing... i might end up abandoning my faith as well if i went thru what he went thru... u never know... im just grateful i dont have to go thru em... but he did...and in a way..he is lost...

but he is a smart kid... 5th year med student..he dances... plays the french horn and the piano... very pleasant fellow... and he plays tennis (which of cos yours truly doesnt..haha)

but i was just talking to cathy over dinner and i realize how much he needs God altho e may not realize it now... but yea...he does..so so much... and i felt grateful... grateful that the youths at Reach was there to welcome him and to take an interest in him... i was touched, altho i have only met dan twice... but i knew somehow, it was a great seed that we have planted in his heart... whether or not he comes back thats not up to us... but at least we were there for God to use us...

i sent a msg to thank everyone after that... everyone that came to talk to him...will even mentioned he'd follow up on dan... thats really good to hear =)

but dan got me thinking...or rather he reminded me of all the ppl i have come to miss... not miss as in missing em... but i missed them..gone... no more chances or rather i allowed the chances to slip by... ppl like..

cheryl see
yes, i have been thinking about her... been wondering how is she and how has she been doing... what has she become and what will she be in the future... i will never ever forget her maybe becos of the circumstances in which our lives collided... but really, hows cheryl.. i dunno... havent speak to her for ages...

amanda low
she was the gal that passed me the letter at the end of high school... the gal that i never really came to realize how much i have impacted her... and how much i actually meant to her... i still rmb the present she gave me... im stil keeping it...in my room back home... but how is she now? hows her relationship with her bf? i dunno... i havent seen her in ages...

yue seng
the fella that somehow always sat behind me for my two years at KB... that fella that was always the perceived outcast of the class... the fella that was always the center of bullies and jokes amongst classmates... that fella with the awkward behavior...and that contant figetting of his body.... i was there to stand up for him when ever i think i can... but have i done enough? the last i heard, he was at KDU...still as awkward as ever... i wonder how is he doing now... i wonder if i should have spent more time on him....

siew huey
the girl that was my best mate at primary school... the gal that stood up for me when i couldnt fend for myself... the gal that was the only real fren i had all along at primary school... the gal who tried to maintain contact with me ever since we parted ways for our seperate secondary education... how she tried... but i didnt even bother making an effort to maintain it... but till the day i was about to leave for australia, she never forgotten about me... she called... but we never met...never got around to it.... till now i have never met her... i wonder how is she doing... wonder why didnt i take effort to reach out to her....

many more... many more faces... some with names... some with names i have forgotten...

sometimes i think i move on too fast...yes i do wallow in the pain... but i move on... i will meet new ppl... warm up to them... and just move on... now i think maybe i move on way too fast....

but i guess this will make me and teach me to appreciate my friends even more...

i am so happy to see all the familiar faces at youth lately... and when one is missing... i realize i get anxious... i'd wanna know why... i'd wanna know how he or she is doing...why didnt the person come for youth... i realize i care more now...in a way...

but in all honesty...youth is all that makes melbourne interesting now... everything else is just so....boring.... if not for these people.... i guess i wouldnt mind leaving melbourne without a second thought.... but yea... this is my family now... and i think im begin to love em...=)

2009-05-11T19:38:00.003+11:00

watch this first...=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d4FFkMz978&feature=popular

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

oh my gosh... tell me i didnt wanted to cry just now after watchng he music video to this song's MV on youtube just now...

no im not being emo and no im not missing anyone for that matter.... but strangely enough... the video reminds me of how i am that boy in the video, distracted by so many things, and yet God is just standing outside my window, waiting to tell me that He loves me... and how He is always standing at the sidelines cheering me on because i placed Him there...instead, i rather have my distractions be my cheerleaders, or so to speak... and its funny how in the end the girl finally gets to show the boy the paper note that she has been keeping all along that reads ' i love u' and how the boy took out his paper that read the same thing as well... and it all ended with a kiss... i was like aaawwww...lol....

but well, as autumn falls away and winter comes crashing in, as the semester gets tough for this few last weeks, soldier on everyone..!!!! God loves you and He is just waiting at your window out in the blistering cold, waiting for you to just let Him in... =)

so rmb~! God loves you very very much..=)

2009-05-09T17:16:00.002+11:00

the word of the day is GAH... G-A-H.... GAH...!!!

the action of the day is slap... slap yourself awake

the objective of the day is focus... stop dreaming and focus...!!!

and i say again.. the word of the day is GAH... G-A-H... GAH...!!!!

Lord help me... =(

2009-05-09T13:52:00.005+11:00

My son, do not forget my law
But let your heart keep my commands
For length of days and long life
and peace they will add to you

Let not mercy and truth forsake you
Bind them around your neck
Write them on the tablets of your heart
And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him
And He shall direct your paths

(and it goes on....)

Proverbs Chapter 3

i woke up this morning to get this done... it was easy i guess... but when i sat to write down my wishes to my mum.. it was kinda hard.... i tried not to be emotional... but how can one not be in situations such as this...

to my dear mother, this is for u.... hopefully grace doesnt mess up the printing...lol

My dear mother

The image of you reading Proverbs 3 to me the day I flew to Australia never left my mind. It is as vivid as ever because those were the words that gave life to this barren soul. Because of your love for your son, today he is growing even more in God than you can ever imagine. Because of your unceasing love for your son, today he is a better man. I’m sorry that I couldn’t spend mother’s day with you this year, and probably for the next few more years down the road. But I do promise you that one day we will celebrate mother’s day again, together as one big family. Till that day comes, always know that your son misses you and loves you very very much…

Your son, with love

Richard Lee

2009-05-09T01:52:00.004+11:00

i sat there at the corner to observe once again... i wonder if you noticed... but i did.... i sat at the corner as the youths gathered at the stage to run thru the practice together with the band... and as wil was giving out instructions, i sat there and i just thought to myself..

this is a nice group of people... i guess i wouldnt mind calling them home.. but do i love em?

i found that the honest answer is - no...not enough...not yet...

and for some reason i found myself eating myself up... i dunno why....

anita bought the cake today for all the may babies... well maybe she didnt buy but i guess she took the effort to go grab it? whatever... but thats not my point... wats my point? i dunno... im so self-conflicting....

during the cake session...i felt lonely. all of the sudden... in the crowd of ppl.... i felt lonely... i stood there in the midst of em all... and i was like hey, ur the only one here, rite now at this very moment, that doesnt have a fren to talk to... i looked around and wondered if i should be joining some of their conversations... but then i felt like i didnt wanna interrupt...so weird...its like i wnna talk to ppl but i dun wanna talk to ppl as well... wat the? @_@

but one thing tho... today when i saw anita... i was beaming.... and when i saw amelin and jess, i was beaming even more!! i practically hopped over and smiled at them... i just felt so happy to see them.... =)

i guess what i am really trying to say is tht... i need to learn to love every one of em more... and thru that a passion for them will come... i mean like, at least now im starting to notice who arent around...like giang... oh well, anyway, yea, i mean... i just need to learn to love em... i just find that there is much more meaning in tht than to just come every week and say hi and go back... i wanna be a blessing as well.... i wanna have passion for this youth as well....

so u know what i did after i felt lonely? i walked about, wondering if anyone noticed... i guess no one did... so in the end i sought out zai ming... tht poor fella was all alone as well... so i talked to him in the end...=)

i am not blaming anyone for not noticing... cos sumtimes i do go under the radar on purpose.. and i do understand that there are lines to be drawn.... i guess i wish geoff was here today... i would have gone to talk to him...

but yea i know that in the end, it all takes time... but im just wondering why is it taking so long...

yes, my impatience is talking again...

remember you're 21 now...so gotta grow up..

sigh..................

.........i know

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

2009-05-07T23:44:00.003+11:00

please indulge me

(minutes before i am writing this post)

me: helo?
sis: helo? ko?
me: helo~! =)
sis: are u sleeping?
me: *snooorrrrreeeee*
sis: *giggles* stop la
me: *snnnorreeee* *snore snore* *snnnoorrreeeee*
sis: wei, stop la
me: *snore*
sis: *giggles* are u planning to do anything for mother's day?
me: *snore snore snore* (i dont know)
sis: what? eh i dun understand la...
me and sis: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaaha

*fast forward*

sis: okay bye
me: bye~!
sis: bbyyyeeee
me: byebye!
sis: byeeeee
me: bye~!
sis: *giggles* eh this is so wrong... im not even talking to my boyfren...!!
me: yea..hahaha.... 'you put down first; no, you put down first; no, yoouuu put down first'....
sis: *giggles*
me: *giggles*
sis: bye... im realy putting down the phone wan ah
me: bye.....
sis: .......
me: hello? ......hello?
sis: ........
me: oh great, she really did hang up...hahaha

just thought i'd share with you how random both of us can be...=)

missing u my dear sister..=)

Dear You

2009-05-07T18:50:00.011+11:00

will you take my hand and scream till the night falls away?
will you dance with me, tipsy and bare footed, under the pouring rain?
will you run with me, pausing to catch a breath, only to taunt me for another round?
will you take a drive with me along hillsides and seasides, as we watch the sun take rest?
will you sit with me under candle lights and paper birds as we count the time away?
will you lie with me under the vast night sky and count the stars one by one?
will you sit next to me under the summer sun, bedazzled by the rainbow in the sky?
will you stand with me at the edges of the beach as the waves bury our feet in the sand?
will you sing with me and laugh ourselves silly at the end of the day?
will you scream and jump with me when you have finally reached the top?
will you pass me that tissue box as you pretend to be crying as well, as we watch a soapy movie?
will you wake me up in the morning with Honey Stars in your hair?
will you let me sing to you even when you know i'd mess it up anyway?
will you let me hold your hand even when all is crashing down on you?
will you let me see you even when you dont feel deserving anymore?
will you pick me up even when i have given u a reason not to?
will you pray with me, every night before we lay to rest, every morn before we rise to live?
will you wait with me, everyday till the day we meet again under that february tree?
will you know that i am here? always here...everyday here....

but unfortunately, dear you, you don't exist..........=) and i guess it doesnt matter....because perfection is not mine to deserve.... i will just settle for warm and fuzzy, i guess...=)

i still smell of hydrogen peroxide!!!!!!

2009-05-06T22:44:00.002+11:00

guess what i found this morning????

i was like OMG....my fav "RED-N-ORANGE-STRIPEY-SHIRT-FROM-HONGKONG"!!!!!!!!! wat happened????!!!!! ..... silly dye lar wat else? =( i guess i was to hyped up on saturday night that i didnt notice it....

so anyway...for those who still arent aware... the RRREEEDDDDD Surprise that was due on the 3rd of May is my hair... yes... no more virgin hair...lol.....who cares..? im 21~! lol....

this pose is for my sister... since u liked it so much...for wateva reason i shant request to know...=D no doubt i was feeling warm and fuzzy... lol.... i was camwhoring in the toilet!!!! of the architecture building!!! ....im changing... haha.... anyway... this was taken on monday night after i came from the city...*warm and fuzzy* lol =)

signing off, yours truly....

would you give me time? would you let me learn?

2009-05-06T22:10:00.004+11:00

my feet is starting to smell... eww... i can smell it from here....eeww

okay... sorry to start off with my randomness... but yea *sniff*... eeww.... LOL =)

at least im not bringing my lappie into the toilet anymore...LOL....eww! u thought i ws for real??...haha...

i know many of you have been asking how was my birthday... two words.. no, wait, three words... WARM N FUZZY..=)

but if u need more details, just make an appointment with me on msn...lol...=) just that its too long a story... better if you heard it straight off from my lips, better... =)

but ah... rmb the two promises i made? i think stumbled just now... it was SO easy to give in... sigh... yes... big boy already... gotta grow up.... =( but in any case, i thank God for pulling me back before i could have fallen... cos i know i rather wait till its safe to land, the long fall back to earth is the hardest part...

why i said my brithday was warm and fuzzy cos it was really one of a kind... it the only birthday so far where i got such a strong visitation of God... that morning at church i cried like a baby... and i kept crying.... i went on my knees and gave it all to God... all the unanswered questions... all the hidden hurts... all the avoided uncertainties... all possibilities of a future and hope.... i gave it all back..... it was difficult... but it was liberating... some of em asked me how was my bday... and i said liberating.. they gave me that weird look... lol.... but i know what i meant....

but today, just now, i fumbled... again, easily satisfied with progress... again easily put off track cos of a lil sweetness... richard....focus! i felt quite bad after that... felt that i dissappointed myself, dissappointed my friend, dissappointed God... =( but its funy how God always turns the table around everytime i do my devo....

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come
(2 Corinthians 5:17)

salvaton is not to be taken for granted... freedom is not us to take for granted... as much as we are free... we have to constantly seek restoration... restoration is total healing... but healing will take some time... always be mindful of ur actions... always be mindful of who u are... always be mindful of the prize... the goal.... the end....

so i am sorry... i slipped up today... dear friend, i wonder if you'd read this at all, but thank u, u never fail to keep me in check...=)

but dont worry... richie is up and running again... somehow i guess that sunday morning when i laid it all down at His Feet... power came... and somehow its easier now...

i mean, not just in this area, but in others as well... =)

like guys, i am like SO challenged to live my life to the full now.. like, i am asking myself so many 'why not's... like, why not go play soccer?... why not go throw some hoops?.... they're all not so bad.... why not try something else other than architecture? why not just live life to the full? so what if u may not get a job yet? whats stopping u from trying something else? and seriously i asked myself (believe or not)- why not try fishing as well? it may be fun... ( OMG...what is happening to me????? ...LOL) but yea, why not? i was like so skeptical about so many things, but after that encounter with God, i just feel...different.....

and my walk with God is so much more intimate now... like how i asked if i'd know how it feels like to love God like a lover? i think i am learning that more and more each day...=) He is like so much closer now... in morning when i wake...before i sleep.. when i bath... when i cycle... when im at uni...when im eating... He is like always there...=)

so yea, let go! live life! its a ball! get bouncing!! wee~!! (okay i need my pills...lol)

Lesson one - do not hide
Lesson two - there are right ways to fight
And if you have questions
We can talk through the night

Lesson three - you're not alone
Not since I saw you start breathing on your own
You can leave, you can run, this
will still be your home

So you know who you are
And you know what you want
I've been where you're going
And it's not that far
it's too far to walk
But you don't have to run
you'll get there in time

In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to
wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling,
bad things come undone
You weather love and lose your innocence

There will be liars and
thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence
But you are not what you do
And when you need it most
I have a hundred reasons why I love you

If you weather love and lose your innocence
Just remember - lesson one

Boys (Lesson One) by Jars of Clay

2009-05-05T19:29:00.002+11:00

okay people... back to talking about warm and fuzziness... =)

i actually had a whole list of warm and fuzzy things to share with u about... but i decided i shouldnt.. cos warm and fuzzy should be left for God... cos He is just so awesome...

it is When God tells me He loves me. When all I know is that I do not deserve His love but yet He chooses to love without any reason at all.. and to just love me.. that’s what I call warm and fuzzy… it’s the best warm and fuzzy u can ever get in this whole wide world… it is a love that the world can never take away… a warm and fuzzy that cannot be replaced… *sob* =)

that's warm and fuzzy to me..=)

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us
(Romans 5:8).

that warm fuzzy feeling =)

2009-05-04T22:10:00.003+11:00

the scarf felt different today on my walk back home... it was warmer... nicer.... and it somehow still lingers on.... yea i walked home... i didnt take the tram... i walked to uni and took my bike home.... but all the way i felt this warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart... and i know it was smiling..=)

i even had the mood to camwhore after peeing...=P

so in the spirit of warm and fuzziness, i will dedicate this post to just that - warm and fuzziness...=)

warm and fuzzy is when:

***SORRY.... I WANNA SLEEP...TOO TIRED.... LOL.... BUT I PROMISE I WILL CONTINUE TMR....***

to be continued...

2009-05-02T02:09:00.003+11:00

tonight while Agnes prayed i couldn't help but smile the moment her words left her lips

"You will make all things beautiful in Your time..."

i guess it just made the night all so much easier... i didnt really bothered being bothered... it got easier, definitely... to just be myself and to just let go... to face that smile and choose to acknowledge in my heart that You are smiling back down on me...=)

i must say tho that during practice i was extraordinarily quiet... lol.... cos SOMEBODY claims that i talk too much... that respect should be given to the person in charge... in this case turned out to be wil... so i kept queit.. andrew was always on the edge tho... wih big hand gestures and escentric expressions... but somehow no one had a problem with that... which begged the question, am i doing it wrong? why doesnt he get the cold shoulder? ah i dont wanna care... as long as the arrangement is done correctly... altho i must say i kept queit for most parts and there is something missing...and true enough.... wil did pull me aside at the end of the night and asked me if i thought there was something wrong... haha... oh well....

and after that i had a LOOOOONNNGGGG chat with uncle frankie.... i thought of u know just being nice and say hi and all and u know have an inteest in his life and all... but wah... he kept on talking and talking and talking...lol.... i couldnt really stop him...lol.... he actually has facebook! and i added him already...haha

i think tmr is going to be fun... tmr is going to be very fun... =)

i actually told some of them that i have something up my sleeves this sunday... and kept them guessing... haha... im SO enjoying this...hehe.... be prepared for my total randomness...=D

***

and since im feeling a little old school... this is for you, where ever you are, no matter what you are doing... just know that i am thinking of you (and by 'you' i mean every one of u, not that it matters..)

You don't run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don't play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart
Baby, that's why you captured my heart

I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in
And this world doesn't know what you have within
When I look at you, I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere (grow anywhere)
And there's no one I know that can compare

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

You got something so real
You touched me so deep
You see material things
Don't matter to me
So come as you are
You've got nothing to prove
You've won me with all that you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

You don't know how you touched my life
Oh in so many ways I just can't describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
It's all the little things that make you beautiful to me

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Everything you do is beautiful
Love you give shines right through me
Everything you do is beautiful
Oh, you're beautiful to me

What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful To Me) by The Backstreet Boys

2009-05-01T16:04:00.005+11:00

Well you thought you let go, but you’re still hanging on
Mother earth’s slowing down, she’s still spinning around
And we-eee, are gettin dizzy

I’ll drop out of the race for more personal space
Cuz the rocket’s we're in, get’s so cold and I miss your skin
that’s just how I’m feelin.

No unreachable itch, if you hemorrhage I’ll stitch
You are tears, I’m a cheek,
I’m a pail on your boat with slow leaks
out to sea for weeks

You’re my shirt, I an arm
I’m the tick, you’re the bomb
You’re the L and the V, I’m the O and the E, and we…
Am I speaking clearly?

I don’t understand why we can’t get close enough
I want your kite strings tangled in my trees all wrapped up
I don’t understand why we can’t get close enough
I’ll be the comets that are fallin from the sky you light up

Because I don’t understand why we can’t get close enough
I’ll miss the shivers in my spine every time that we touch.

Excerpts from Closer by Jars of Clay

i guess this song reminds me of God's longing to be loved by me, but somehow i just wouldn't get closer...

Dear Lord, teach me to fall in love with You instead, like for real...
i wanna stop dreaming dreams of fantasy that may not ever come true...
i wanna wake up to realities of Your eternity...

i know i gave my first love away long time ago... but will You be my first love all over again? will You show me the secrets of Your heart..? like a lover only would?

the key between the pages is no longer there anymore... i gave it back.... but the marks left by the key is there... reminding me every time i flip the pages...

but let my heart sing of songs from you... if i am the capitals, will You be my cursive? i want to for in love with You, but i just dont know how...

but maybe like before... i am trying too hard? then help me let go....

but i think more importantly, help me understand why would You give and take away? its just no fun getting over it... i just wished You'd have a better way to teach me things...

but i know u have Your own reasons... just help me let go.... especially in times when i feel nostalgic.... @_@"" why do i have to e so sentimental?? gah..!! haha...=(

2009-04-30T23:13:00.003+11:00

if i can describe annabelle in one word... i'd say "olive"...

not olive the food but olive, the galfren of popeye~! lol....

cos since the day i first met her... thats who she reminds me of...lol.... i mean she's cute in an "olive" sense...lol... dun tell her...sshhhh...keke....but i tell u she is so ganas (aggressive) while playing badminton today.... lol....

talking about badminton... it has been like centuries since i last touched the racket... today was very nice... and we will do it again next week..!!! haha... u sud come join us too? hmmm but u live far away huh.... and some of u live EVEN further...lol.... oh well.... but its like SO expansive... one hour about 20 plus dollars per hour...craziness.. back home its like 4 ringgit an hour... but i ended up paying 4 dollars anyway... but thats my SHARE!! ... lol..... (andrea says i use 'lol' too much...LOL...)

and we had a very funny warm-up exercise too...we actually boarded the wrong tram... we, as in andrew, annabelle and myself. and we only knew that we were on the wrong tram when the tram took a wrong turn...

olive: arent we suposed to be going that way?
andrew: isnt this 96?
me: NO... i thought i told u this is 86??
andrew: aiya... wrong tram!!

and soon after that, three monkeys was like running frantically from one end of southern cross station to the other end.... cos we saw tram 96 on the other end.... it was so breath-taking... seriously...LOL....and your truly was the last of the three...=( i felt so lousy...in a comical way...lol.....

i mean, olive was faster than me!! lol.....how u ever feel bad when olive is faster than u?? haha...pardon me..=P

but anyway... a conversation i had with andrew got me thinking... he asked me why wouldnt i get everyone to come for this sunday.... i told him i prefer a smaller group cos it gives me a better chance at getting to know everyone? but well... i couldnt help but wonder if i am segregating and forming my own click... i shouldnt... i think... gah... i dunno..... why must be pressured to know everybody when i could hardly even really know anyone in particular?? i dunno... i guess i just prefer more intimate relationships than those of an arms length?

anyway... its back to work... with sore toes due to excessive accute action at the court and cold fingers due to the cold weather... i feel like sleeping tho...hehe

on a separate note... i have been thinking.... what does really mean to fall in love with God? have i ever fell in love with God before? how will i ever understand the real meaning of love unless i truly fall in love with Him.... rite? well but that will be a different topic for a different day....

2009-04-30T16:58:00.003+11:00

i walked out....wait... u know... i realize that i always like to start a post with me walking out of something... getting tacky... okay change style..

ahem

i....

i.........

tsk!

i WALTZED out of ( XD ) Annemarie's office realizing how blessed i am... =) i got H1 for my draft...yay... i mean like its my first time writing a research paper... i was like so afraid i'd mess up or something or i may come across too shallow? haha... but i got H1 so i thank GOD...=) u know why i realized that i am blessed? cos apparently some students are failing and i had to get out of her office so that she will have more time with em... o_O""" hehe...

i am going for batminton with andrew and edwin later... gosh... i can imagine me panting already... but i guess i'd update u later when im home...

everyone that i invited for sunday came back asking why are anita and amelin planning my night...lol... i dunno~! lol...=D but apparently something happened? so now its only amelin? well anything la i guess... =)

but i do feel bad... i mean with amelin working and all now...u guys dont need to do all that, really, but if u insist...XD....

but anyway... i told jess last night that i have something else up my sleeves...hehe... the free hugs are just part of it..haha... u'll see...=)

this blog is starting to fall silent again... must be my boring grandmother stories... haha

toodles~!

2009-04-29T19:38:00.002+11:00

will u please pardon my manners but..

WHY IS IT SO FREAKING COLD???????

ahem.. okay... now back to the real me

=)

I HAVE A NEW SONG...=)

yes i believe that the song-writer in me has re-emerged from the sunken depths of the old richard.... it's alive..!!

(yea i know ..." T_T"""" " rite? yea okie..)

but i need a guitar...argh.... and i cant possibly be asking for matt's all the time.... WHY DIDNT I BRING MINE HERE???

=(

yea but its like i have a song to sing everyday now... dunno why....

actually... i do know why... the songs that i write are always from a heart that is close to God... i never believe that i write songs because i dont.. i just dont... i dont have any theory knowledge neither do i really understand the mechanisms of song-writing... but all i do know is how to pick up the guitar and sing... and the songs will just come... at its own pace at its own time... and the lyrics never really needed to be pushed.. because they will just come as well...

so u can say that my songs are a relfection of my walk in God... and if i am dry... no songs will ever come.. even if i try... thats just how it works... thts why i never really wanna take credit for songs that i write... cos i know its not me.. its never me...

anyway... the title of this song is "I'll Sing.." ...=) its really fun as well.... not ur conventional praise song..hehe... cant wait to get it finished on the guitar!!

i dont realli have the lyrics yet ... i only have the melody... but i already know what its gonna say... cos it was born from a heart that just wanted to sing... in every circumstances... in every insecurity...in every confusion... sing..=) in every celebration.. in every living second... sing..just sing ... =)

i dunno why am i so happy.. but "doing the right thing isnt always easy, but it is always right.."

right? =)

2009-04-28T18:52:00.007+11:00

PEOPLE...!!!!!!

=) i had to wait till i come back home before i can make this post... just now was too chaotic... and i had to rush so i hadnt got time to post what i wanted to...

i was kinda late for my submission today... hopefully its not too late... like bout 20 minutes?? lol...anyway...u wanna know WHY???

when i was about to leave my apartment, i got a ring on the intercom...

*buzzzzz*
MC-53: hello?
Buzz: Hi i've got a parcel for you
MC-53: may i know who is it for?
Buzz: erm.. richard lee

*eyes gleam*

MC-53: i'll be right down

i walked back into my apartment wondering what on earth it is.. altho i kinda knew what it is gonna be...lol.... but i was like this whole package from andrea???

then i noticed something....

i was like oh great what did u guys do now??? whats inside??? LOL

and mind u... i noticed one or two ants trying to get in the box...

and when i opened it...TADA~!

and the first thing i noticed was this notice

LOL... well thank God everything is still inside

so guess wat i found? =)

there was actually a green envelope but i ignored it...lol... i was too excited to see what would be inside...

and in a way, everything inside was "food"...no wonder got invaded by the mangy customs...haha

i was like OMG.....!!!! this so reminds me of aling larrrr..... we saw this on our first and last "date" before i left for aussie...

its actually an armrest...but its done so synthetically well... its smells, feels and looks like a real donut..!! =) ... yummy....=D

and then...i found something that gave those quarantine fellas even more reason to open this package....

looks wat's inside..=)

the bottle looks like it has been tempered with... and perhaps they actually took a few pills for testing...T_T""""
then i tilted the bottle to read whats underneath...

can't it be anymore obvious that this is not drugs????

haha...

anyway...the BEST PART...

HONEY STARS~!!!!!!!!
yyaaaayyyyy~~~!!!!!!!!!

hehe...

okay all my aussie frens... honey stars is something that you guys just dont have..!!! i remember walking up and down the cereal aisle of Safeway and i could find no Honey Stars... i was like sulking already...Honey Stars is like my favourite cereal kay...lol.... i mean im like the only big kid at the cereal aisle everytime my family go shopping... and without fail i would just grab Honey Stars everytime... =)

OMG guys u really didnt have to.... but still...YAY...lol

then only came the time where i opened my green envelope

and inside was this

i flipped it over and i found this

i noticed alicia's note =)

and she had to end with this...

and then i noticed andrea's note..=D

and the last one was

pie?? what pie? lol

anyway guys... just to be serious abit here... quarantine and customs here are like super duper strict okay?

so next time try not to send anything that resembles drugs or food ya?? lol...or else u and i may be called in for questioning... serious no joke... =)

but still

THANK U...!!! =) u made me SO happy today.....

u made my heart went AAAWWWW...hehe

but uh... they're all back in the box already.... i cant bare to use them... altho i do know i would have to eat the Honey Stars before it expires...hehe...

SO TO ALL MY FEMALE FANS OUT THERE..

MMUUUAAAKKZZZZZZ~~~!!! =D

2009-04-28T16:59:00.002+11:00

You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song

You Light Up My Life by Debbie Boone

for some strange reason this was the background music this time around... i mean like... HELLO???? i was like rushing up and down because the printer was giving me problem... the cycle here was brain freezing and i actually forgot that i have to submit thru the online system..!! my mind was like AAAAHHHHH...!!!

but yet at the back of my mind...

You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song

T_T"""""

and somehow... memories of my mother kept coming back... especially her words, " i married your father because he is a man of integrity.."

u know i never forgot those words.. one of those things i will never ever forget... cause sometimes i feel like i am not a man of integrity, yet...

of all the things that i picked up from my father....there are two things in my life i am yet to pick up

1) his impetuous fussiness with being tidy...XD
2) his integrity

and i asked myself... will u be a man of integrity? to keep to your word and never look back?? to mean what you say and do what u mean... to live by the principles of God... and not to ever be swayed by the temptations of the world...

this is my father

and honestly, all i really wanna do.. is to hear him say at the end of the day that he is proud of me...(gosh im tearing again.... but im in the comlab!!! richard.... !!) well... not that he never did say that... but it is my heart's desire... to make my father proud of who i am and who i will become...

i know life here has changed me so much... it has only been 2 months... but i know i have grown alot...and one of the things i know God is teaching me is to keep to my promises...

to be a man of integrity

2009-04-28T09:07:00.002+11:00

IT'S EIGHT DEGREES NOW....

WHY IS IT SO FREAKING COLD???

*WAILS*

AND ITS GONNA BE LIKE THAT THIS WHOLE WEEK..!!!!

*WAILS*

AND FROM WHAT I HEAR, IT'S BURNING HOT IN MSIA...

...........

WAKAKAKAKKKAKAKAKAKA

but still.....

WHY IS IT SO FREAKING COLD???

*WAILS*

P.S: I NEED TO STOP USING RED FONTS ...LOL

2009-04-27T23:54:00.003+11:00

thank you for the song
thank you for still visiting my domain
thank you for giving me the reassurance i needed
to always remind me that God is in control.. always...

for this very reason i will quote a friend who once told me that
everything will be okay even when i have no idea what is going on on the other side

because

there is a little element of faith in it! :)

=)

2009-04-27T21:03:00.003+11:00

things that this wild mind has thought of doing but never had the chance or courage to do:

1) run and keep running and never need to stop
2) dance in the rain
3) kiss in the rain (oh cmon! a guy can dream of tht too okaYY..)
4) scream from a hilltop or at a vast field like no one is listening
5) travel the world
6) munch down wasabe
7) open my eyes underwater without goggles
8) touch snow
9) watch the sky snow
10) make lil angels on the snow
11) sing at the top of my voice with my friends (cos i would never do it unless im on stage)
12) ...... and it goes on... i guess

what's the point of this? nothing... just randomness at play...XD

2009-04-27T11:39:00.004+11:00

i woke up this morning realizing what i had just done

i made two promises last night and it will be a real challenge to keep to

cos we all know the easy thing is to just curl up, not move, and start whining...

cos there are stil things about the problem that i still dont qite get... things that are yet to be explained.... and its so easy to get pushed off track when these questions arises again and again...

but during devo this morning i stumbled upon this

He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he. Proverbs 16:20

and somehow i knew i need not be afraid... cos if it is happiness that i seek, and stop giving myself a reason to whine, then all i need to do is trust in God... to heed His word... and to always remember His promises over my life...

my mum used to nag me about a single prayer all my life, and somehow i never really came around to it until i landed here... and i guess the time when i was most sincere in that prayer was last night.. cos for the first time, i had no idea who that girl might be anymore...

i would like to think that i know.. but nothing is ever what it seems these days...

i once thought i knew everything.. or rather.. i wanted to know everything.... but it just made things worse..so now i will just rather know nothing... i rather stand back in line and stay in line... so much more simpler... dont have to ask any more questions... just wait for my turn.. and just live my life out loud...

already i can see that God is working in me, as though tugging in my heart, saying hey I provided a way out already.. take it...=) and so yea i am taking it

i have a plan and a purpose over my life, and there is no stopping me now... =)

dear friend, i promised u last night that i will start moving... this bunny takes his first step this morning...

dear me, i promised u last night to start living... this bunny takes his first smile this morning...

dear God, into Your hands i commit my spirit once again...

2009-04-27T01:11:00.004+11:00

images.. in my head...
like moving pictures... they display the life of a boy learning to be a man
images... called forth by songs of nostalgia...
images.. rendered by love, hate and everything in between...

today i made 2 promises...
1 to myself that i will start living
the other to a fren that i will start moving

today i made 1 discovery
that i have found my niche... or somewhat something that will be it...its a circle, consisting of amelin, jessica, andrew, david, will and myself and lastly one very special one...

why special u may ask... special because this one will take time... perhaps now all we see is a silhouette of an invisible person... but in time i know it will peal off one by one.... and all will be whole again

to that very special person, if u ever be reading this, thank you for your patience endurance and love... it has been a great inspiration.. really... u made me wanna be a much better person... not for myself...but for God... so as we take our separate journeys from now on... just always rmb that u will never be forgotten...=) and when the day comes that u need a fren, just always rmb i am always here...

to amelin, if you are reading this, only two person in the whole world ever told me that my song got stucked in their heads... a gal called charmaine back in high school... and u..=) and the fact that Chocolate Sundae could be stucked in ur head to the point where it annoys u..lol...i count it a joy and honour..=)

to miss J~!! yoyoyo... lol... u have been a great inspiration and joy... honestly... i always felt at home talking to u... ur stance and ur smile..lol.... its infectious...=) i am glad that u loved the pre-chorus that went "cause it feels like home when i'm with u..." cause it does feel that way when i am with u... so i guess that part of the song is for u then..=)

andrew brotha.... i know you wouldnt be reading this cos u have no idea this exist... but still... ur mouth, to me, is the most fascinating thing... u eat u talk and u sing... and u do all three so well its amazing..... u eat like a cow... joke like the lame and sing like a kareoke box... hehe...kidd...but true! lol.... and us forming a band? why not? but "firm foundations"? as the name? nah... too tacky

giang... if u are reading this... who would have known that we broke our ice talking about that down-tuned guitar of urs... and how we had some common ground after all as "sensitive men" eh? lol... i shall see how spontaneous you would get this sunday...=)

and lastly

will... i know you wouldnt be reading this as well cos u have no idea it exist... but still who would have known u'd turn out to be coincidental pillow buddie...lol.... for all the times we've shared, you have been very interesting... its very interesting how God has used u to teach me lessons that i believe i will rmb for the rest of my life...

today i would like to qoute a few people who got me thru the night

Dada: (paraphrased, very..)
Rmb how you always told me that u never really had frens that last cos u were always transitioning from one skul to the next and from skul to college? so this is no different. frens come and go, richard, always rmb that...

Serene:
but my principle is...no matter where I am, I'll give my all, meet ppl, form emotional connections, love ppl, dislike ppl etc, irregardless of how long/short i'm going to be there

Andrew Ng:
I always believed that birthdays are the best time to bless people

to end it all....
and I quote myself:
it will be the best time ever, this i promise myself..=)

goodnight people....

2009-04-26T15:56:00.002+11:00

I was tired of waiting
Playing all the games and
Living in a place that was not for me
So I thought it was time
For me to get what's mine
And to do it all, everything I dreamed
What I thought was the best of me turned to be
All the worst I could find

If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore
If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore

Now I got a feeling
That I've got to leave and
Find a way back to where I came from
Though I don't deserve it
I know it's unheard but
Living here without you, my life is done
I confess that I shouldn't have run from you
Now I know I was wrong

Nowhere to run to
And no one to turn to
I'm dying out here on my own
Long before I even thought of returning
Your arms are wide open
Waiting for me to come home

If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore
If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore

Run To You by Third Day

on the walk home today
i made a promise to myself
i will stop whining

i will stop trying
i will stop running
and start living

and it begins today

i apologize for being so negative in my previous post... i FINALLY sat down with geoffrey today and i had a very honest talk with him... and let's just say the intervention that was looking for happened...=)

so i decided that i am changing my plans for this weekend..=)

so wat if ppl dun really know me... so wat if they wouldnt know how to throw a surprise party for me... so wat if they dun end up meeting wat my grand plans were last time... so wat? =)

richard has a new plan..=D

i dunno how relevant this plan will be... but it will be fun if it happens..=D

on saturday i am going to wake up with a big smile on my face... why? cos i am not going to do any homework that day..lol...

sleep in till 10ish... get up wash up hop on the train and all the way to hoppers crossing i will go...

meet shazza and start having fun with ....well lets just say it will be a surprise..=D very reddd
surprise...=D or brown red..which ever is nicer.. i think..lol

im guessing it will prolli take up the whole day.... if i get the time to kick around or bounce around a bit i guess i will? it really depends i guess...

then i will head back... and i think i wanna meet euric, marc, and muiz for hot chocolate at brunetti's ..=D

then i will call it a night...

then.... hmm...but then HOR... i have another plan... but maybe i cant do this for sunday...hmm oh well i will just tell u...

i will wake up ...with a big fat grin..=D

dress up as planned in the previous post i did before... but the difference happens in church...

i will go to EVERYBODY and offer free hugs !!! =D and shamelessly go around telling em, "its my bday today...wana a free hug??"...LOL...=) i seriously wanna do tht...=)

and then i may go for a movie.. but i wouldnt go alone.. i will bring some of my frens... stil thinking who to call tho...hehe...

erm after tht we will go to a japanese restaurant..!! why?? cos i wanna play that sushi chant song game thingie... (lat lat sau si) =D i mean like WE HAVE TO PLAY IT...lol... i am gonna go crazy that day...hehe....just have to make sure tht every one tht comes can speaking cantonese i guess..hehe....

then comes the most random part of the night. i wanna go to a park.... lay down a mat... everyone lie down on it...staring at the clear night sky.... and scream...lol like seriously SCREAM..=) like there is no tmr... like we are free.... i know i wanna shout that "I AM FREE...!!!!".....=D

go home after tht and talk my parents online... wave at max...sleep

i will stop whining and start living... =) it will be the best time ever, this i promise myself..=)

but then... who am i gonna invite? hmm..... will u come? =)

2009-04-25T11:09:00.004+11:00

Genesis 22:8
Abraham said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” So the two of them walked on together.

we all know the story. God promised abraham that he will be father of many nations yet He asked abraham to sacrifice his only son. God is weird isnt He? but we all know how the story ended... just when he was about to plunge the dagger into his son's chest, God intervened...

i just feel i need an intervention... i need a clean slate...

my dad always recognized a problem in me... that i have no staying power...

sometimes i feel that is the story of my life... i just cant stay in a thing long enough...i give up.. too easily... i cant love someone long enough... i cant commit myself to something ong enough... i cant focus on my task long enough... i cant walk this walk and talk this talk long enough... somehow someway i will just stray away... and i hate it...i seriously hate it... and i wanna change... i wanna stop this hypocrisy...

but then when i think about it... as much as i lack staying power...God always did intervene... i am where i am today... not by my own strength.. this i know very well... it has always been God at work.. never me... but i tend to take the credit in the end..."wah... richard very good ah.." , " wah, you design wan ah? so nice.." , " wah.... richard sure can wan la..." wah this wah that... and it gets to u i guess...horns grow... altho i do grind them all the time... but yea...God always made a way... and His promises never failed....

something happened last night...

it was ministry night and pastor was trying to get us to exercise our gifts in God... but i just felt so shitty that night i didnt wanna do anything... i just felt like a monster... and mind u, i dont simply use words i dont mean... i really felt like a monster.. and i kept asking God why He even bother about me... i keep running away... running away from who i know i can be... or rather i keep getting distracted...it just crazy... i wrote like so many unposted drafts here on this blog this whole week... all too negative to show anyone...

but it came to a point in the night... where we had to pair up and start praying for one another... for some strange reason i ended up with zai ming... i really didnt wanna pray for him... like i said i felt shitty so why would i wanna pray for anybody? but i did... and a word came.."what is ur heart?"... i dunno how relevant that was and so i just asked him what was his heart? he answered and i prayed... i didnt really know what i was doing... all i know is that i said to God, i said, if you can use anything u can use me, i guess... and so i prayed... i dun rmb what i said... but i guess part of me did let go... and when i was done... i looked up.. he looked at me and smiled... he said that he felt that there was power when i prayed... i was like what?? haha...he said he felt it... i dinno what to do i just sat back down.. continued to be shitty...

and then it came to a point where pastor wanted to pray for claudia... for her lady patient, the lady with cancer and her lil boy... and as the church prayed... suddenly i felt this burden... again... like the one i felt when i prayed for wil that sunday morning.... again it burned... and again i wanted to cry... astho i could feel the burden within claudia for this mother and child.... i wanted to walk over to her and ask if i can pray with her... but i didnt... and pastor went on to testimony time so i just let it slip...

and its funny how God tries to put together a story for me tht night.. claudia went out to share how she blessed this homeless man with the only 20 dollars she had left in her pocket... and i was reminded bout the 20 dollars i had gave to that homeless lady...but then i suddenly remembered that the 20 dollars wasnt mine...

during the first two weeks of my sem i actually got picked to take a trial english test.. it was a study to see how effective it was... and i was one of the "test subjects".... only those who went and take the DELA this year would be eligible to take this trial test... marc and euric was kinda laughing at me that i would waste my time on lousy pathetic english tests like DELA... but i did... and i got picked for the trial... and i got PAID to take the test... 25 dollars...

and i ws like... hey! that 20 dollars you gave her wsnt yours at all... God provided so tht u could provide... perhaps my faith rose abit there

then AJ came out and testified how his cell prayed for this new couple who came from UK and the guy was looking for a job but he couldnt... cos of the recession... and after they prayed... the guy came back to cell saying that he had THREE job offers at his doorstep... i teared... i dunno why i did but i did...

i was talking to serene last night on msn... i just told her, i said, i just dont wanna go thru the whole uprooting process again... its just...gah... no fun?? and if i am not going to be able to have some form of hope and future here, then wats the point in making grounds here anyway... when all i will be doing is uprooting myself again to go back to msia...

honestly, all i got rite now is the youth at RCC... they are my family and i think i am starting to love em... like seriously... cos they are all i got... and if i were to be uprooted again then wats the point... gah...

i guess i just need assurance of that my future is secured, no matter what happens... i think too much i know...

i gues i just hate building ties and having to break em again... i mean i already did it once... i dont wanna go thru it again...

but for now, really, all i wanna do is get thru my first semester...

but wait.. theres something else i wanna say... i think God is doing something.. whether i see it or not... i mean like... writing this post itself i already teared a few times ( and i actually teared trice watching my big fat greek wedding yesterday...lol) especially when i was talking about abraham and how God intervened... i guess i just need one...

but i do know or rather i can sense that something is happening... with each new day i am changing...something is happening... like how at the end of the service and edwin wanted us to pray as a cell... and coincidentally i got him as a partner... i reletaed to him how i had these burdens for ppl's need... and he told me how i hit the dot when i prayed for him... i was like for real/?? and he said he wans me to start going out to pray for youths next time whenever they have an alter call... at the back of my mind i was like whoah.. hold on... i'd rather sing over him than pray over him...lol....but we'll see how it goes....me? prayer guy? maybe...

but for now, i just really need to get back on track... i was looking at my barchart i made for myself early this sem... and i was like... gosh... the next 6 weeks are going to be hell... like seriously loads to do... feeling stressed already....

staying power...staying power... staying power....

i still havent got a chance to go easter chocolate eggs shopping tho...darn.... and today is anzac day... which means all marketing plans have to be cancelled cos QV market is closed... so much for shopping theraphy... lol

2009-04-22T01:36:00.002+11:00

TADA~!

YES RICHARD IS TOO FREE, INSTEAD OF RESTING HE IS MAKING NEW HEADERS FOR HIS BLOG...

AND THAT'S NOT THE ONLY NEW THING...

WHAT IS IT?

COMING TO YOUR MC-53 BLOG

3RD MAY 1988

BE PREPARED... BE VERY PREPARED...

LOL...

2009-04-20T13:42:00.002+11:00

lm says:
check AP
got news
MC-53 Rossi-nated says:
wat about
good news?
lm says:
submission extended to tmr
yea
and he will discuss in class today
MC-53 Rossi-nated says:
tmr is submission lar
lm says:
and there wont b class tomorrow
sorry
to wednesday
MC-53 Rossi-nated says:
u mean wed
lol
YAY

( are u ready? )

*sniffle sniffles*

YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY~~~!!!!!!

THANK YOU LORD~! HALLELUJAH! AMEN!

WWWEEEEEEEEEEE~~~!!!!!!

i tell u if there isnt an extension i can just dig a hole and put my head inside and die.....

SO HAPPY NOW

HEE~!

ok back to work

.......... *grumble mumble sniffle sniff* =D

2009-04-20T01:39:00.002+11:00

am i destroying more than i am building?
have i been building sand castles of imagination and fascination?
while destroying the very pillar of love that has been with me all these while?

funny how a few hours can change things for u
cos a few minutes changed things for me
it has nothing to do with you either
but everything to do with me
and for some strange reason i find myself falling into the abyss again
for some strange reason i am filled with shades of gray again...

how long more will this charade of puppet fools last?
where mindless actors strut and where heartless dancers sway
how long more will this parade of emotions march?
into every street and niche into every corner and zone

i am losing myself all over again...
i just wish my sand castle will not be this feeble...
i just wish my resolution will be stronger...

into Your hands i commit my spirit once again
and as i lay to rest
mend the broken-hearted
and comfort those who mourn

i don't wanna be a monster all over again...please

2009-04-19T14:32:00.003+11:00

i believe my life is full of background music... seriously... like there is a song for every moment and every second...

like this morning before i left for church, the background music was

The One by Planetshakers

when i arrived at church....i met that smile... that all familiar smile..=) but i guess i got distracted by the scarf...its just so pretty...lol...couldn't help but wonder how ugly mine is compared to that..haha

anyway, i walked into hall and by then the background music was

Whatever that was on the P&W songlist this morning by RCC

and when we entered free worship and the keyboardist went playing weird things that are just wrong, the background music was

Errrr.....Can U Play Properly? by Richard Lee

followed by

Cricket Sounds by My Annoyed Imagination

but of course i tried to be less bothered and focus on God...

but one thing tho during the alter call, i just felt God tugging in my heart... reminding me of the people around me... and how i should be a light around them... He reminded me of my friend back in Malaysia and how i brought him to Christ but didnt bothered to follow up enough and now he is in trouble... ahh... =(

so i wrote all of their names and went upfront to put em into the box... i just knew God will teach me what to do i guess... i was like how??? especially now im SO worked up by my research paper! .... but then... how He got me started this morning was super random...

Wil went out to pray for his family's salvation, i dunno if tht's the case but im sure... and suddenly, i just felt this big burden fall upon me to pray for his parents... and the words "dont give up" just burned so hard i wanted to cry... i knew then that i had to pray for him... again i hesistated...i kept asking if its really God or is it just me... silly ya i know...lol..... and so i went to him and asked if i could pray for him... but before i did i just told him that i felt very strogly that God is saying dont give up...and as i said it i coldnt help myself, i cried...GOSH...they were not even my own parents, why am i crying??? lol.....but this has happened before... somehow i felt, for that moment, the burden of their hearts, and in this case it was wil's heart... but i am a man u see, so i sucked it in...lol....

one thing tho... small things like these are evidence that Richard is learning to let go already... Richard is now learning to bless and be blessed in church...so, yay!!

after that came the packing of the instruments, i had to help with the arrangement of the tables and chairs for step classes too, and the background music of that time was

Heigh-Ho [from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs] by Disney

XD

then after that someone annoyed me, like really... lol.... i was like fine! dont tell me then... i don't need to know since it SO not urgent... XD and the background music then was

Mumbles and Gibberish by My Annoyed Imagination

but every story needs a happy ending doesn't it?

so the walk home was

Im walking on sunshine , wooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
and dont it feel good!!

Walking On Sunshine by Katrina and The Waves

=)

.............................. now back to work.......................

2009-04-19T06:32:00.006+11:00

its 5.30am

before i slept i prayed.. i say God please help me wake up... and He did... i ended waking up scolding because i was just so mad.. i opened my eyes, looked at the time, ah....just nice... but i dont feel so good tho..nevertheless, im awake, thats all that matters...

i checked... silence... and i guess im not surprised. sometimes i wonder if i am even needed. i browsed thru jess's facebook picture and arrived at the photo album where they were at some airport farewell... and i cant help but wonder....what was life like before MC-53? before i happened... before i existed...

last night i found myself in the place of silence too. i sat there observing. i watched. i dunno why i didnt speak. but i chose to stay silent. i chose to watch. coz perhaps i just wanted some time alone. but i looked at rueben and rach and i wondered.. i looked at matt and i wondered. i looked at jess and i wondered... its just...gah... again... the same question.. what was life like before MC-53...

rmb that night when cathy was talking to me about the whole visa thing and how i might hav to go back and how i questioned if i have a hope and a future here? well i guess the question never left... i guess everyday i still wake up subconsciously asking myself tht question...

i guess i ask myself tht question even more every time i see what is in that box and what has overflowed...you know, my heart smiled... when i noticed that silver star on that lil blue notebook last night, oh yes it was there, what good timing... and i just knew that life was beaming before MC-53, surely this heart will shine on after MC-53... and when i came home, i checked, and i saw that an angel appeared and so, i smiled again, knowing that there is more grace and love in this bucket full of sunshine than any amount of tears that can ever fill. so yea, shine on, you o bucket full of sunshine...for every golden star that you choose to give away... it will not be in vain...

its a humbling experience when God puts u back in your place. i guess i am stil finding my place... but i just dunno how... and to a certain degree it scares me... yet i know i am thinking way too much... but then again, time and time again im reminded of how unready i am for all this... time and time again i am reminded to let go... and focus on the price ahead... time and time again i am reminded to appreciate beauty for beauty and smiley for smiley (whatever that meant..lol) ...and not to jump ahead of myself...and not jump ahead of God...to remember my place... and surrender the rest to God on my knees....

so yea i guess its okay...

MC-53 can smile on his own, with God by my side

2009-04-19T00:14:00.004+11:00

my eyes are heavy
but my heart isnt ready

i want to speak
but the words wouldnt escape

my mind is silent
but my thoughts just wouldnt rest

i want to dream
and let it all slip away

go to a place where there is no time
a place where there is no reason

a place where i wouldnt think so much
a place where i wouldnt need to feel as much

where'd you go, you o sanity
where'd you go, you o sanity

......

but yet
in the midst of these
my heart smiles
cos i guess
i know You are smiling down on me

and perhaps somewhere out there
you are smiling with me too

so my heart will continue smiling
and maybe when tmr comes
our smiles will meet again

(oh my gosh.......what am i yepping.....?........this bunny needs sleep........lol)

=)

goodnight

2009-04-18T11:37:00.005+11:00

first thing...

noticed that if u leave a post alone long enough it will fetch more comments...somehow..lol.... er.. not tht it matters...

second thing...

I WANNA GO EASTER CHOCOLATE EGGIES SHOPPING...!!

third thing...

i was thinking.. and i realized i admitted to paranoia for no good reason... no i WASNT being paranoid... you pulled me aside and said u wanna tel me something, paused, hesitated and said u will tel me some other time...so of cos i'd be waiting for a reply... cos u wanted to tel me something.... but ah well...one word... misunderstanding..

moving on.

forth thing...

i hate you, you o procrastination.... because of you i cant go easter chocolate eggie shopping..hmph! (im being a big baby i know....) and now i have to sit here like a panic bunny on crack trying to sit still but he cant cos he has a dateline to meet but at the same time he has to go uni to meet frens for another uni work and later tonight to pastor's house for dinner and tmr for church and later for step class and...and.....AAAAHHHHHHHHH....!!!!!

i can almost predict the remake of CONFESSIONS OF A STRESSED OUT BUNNY all over again...

***

but well when all is said and done

fifth thing...

thank you for half-emptied pawns and random mining holes...
thank you for violins, guitars and dramas in the night...
thank you for enchanted picnics and melted easter eggs hunts...
thank you for seconds and thirds and maybe a forth, who knows?
thank you for patience, tolerance, and evil schemes of annoyance...
thank you for smileys, sugar, spice and everything nice...

most importantly,

"....thank you for the music,
the songs im singing.
thanks for all the joy they're bringing
who can live without it
i ask in all honesty
what would life be
without a song or a dance what are we?
so i say thank you for the music
the songs you gave to me..."

all of u made things that bit interesting... =)

last thing...

things are starting to feel normal again... last night was comfortable... i didnt have the stress to talk to anyone, neither did i had the stress if i didnt talk to anyone... but like i said, i guess its good that i broke the ice with amelin and jess... especially with jess...lol.... we click i guess.... uh... but yea i know... they're all gals....bummer..(im "SO" sincere here..XD...) .... but one thing tho... ed.... i need to crack tht nut.... cos no point being in a cell yet u dunno ur own cell leader.... ah.... but i dunno how to start... in time i guess...

anyway...

i better get back to work...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

toodles~!

Day 18 Till That Day

2009-04-15T17:51:00.007+11:00

i have to be honest

when i sat there next to Jessica and when she told me that hers is already around the corner, i had not the faintest idea or thought about mine at all..it is as though it is not important, as though i have forgotten all about it...

and when she asked me about mine.. i just blurt out mine to her without an ounce of emotion or care or anything at all... i was just oblivion to what could be coming next...

and when she drew the connection and pointed out that hers is so close to mine, then only i realized that hey! its April already... oh yea.... it ....is.... great i guess........

***

i guess ever since i came here, i tried not to think about it... i always had grand plans... yes i did... that doesnt make me girly kayy... and did i mention i thought about how and where i wan my wedding to be? lol.... yes richard is unusual...

but as i was saying... yea i did have plans... like how anita and shazza did it... i wanted the same too... only now things are different... it wouldnt happen, not at all, not anymore...

and i dont expect anything from people... although we all do, dont we? but then i choose not to or rather i convince myself not to cause i know that since i dont bother doing anything for people all along why should i expect the same from others? same same... i accepted that fact of life long ago...

so i made plans..of my own...

since no one knows, i will just keep it that way... kinda weird isnt it going around shouting the date to everyone? lol.... so yea i will just do it all in silent... the heart knows, and that's all that matters...

i guess what i can do is... hmmm....

i will wake up with a smile on my face...

breathe the air of the day...

say a lil prayer for myself...

go for a nice warm bath...

put on that deodorant...

put on that black topmen baseball T aling got me...

put on the pair of jeans i bought with grace at singapore...

that new jumper that is on the way to me now from my family...

that new pair of socks from FOS i bought with aling...

that pair of red and blue nike shoes i bought days before 15th of Feb...

grab my Creative Zen X-Fi that i bought with my love offerings i received back home...

turn to katy perry, my very first album grace bought for me while we were complaining how lousy singapore cinemas are...

slop in my wallet, my motorola v9 ( i dont hate it as much now)

and finally, i guess, would be my very first gold chain passed on from my grandfather to my dad and my dad to me... i know its out of fashion... but i know i wouldnt care...

the result of my dressing that morning would be this mismatch of different clothings... haha... but i dont care... because its what they mean to me that matters...

i will just go to church... worship God and thank Him for the day... thank Him for His faithfulness... have lunch...

and i guess if nothing crops up after that i will take the tram down to Melbourne Central and catch a show... i need at least watch A show... lol....

then maybe go down to safeway... grab a AUD1.90 chocolate muffin and grab one of those wax sticks with a string in them thingie and check out from the cashier and probably head home...

have dinner with cathy and desmond... reside to my room...watch prison break again i guess... most probably my parents would wanna video call me... probably max would be there too... i honestly dun wanna think about this part....

***

and then .... after that i will be doing something... i think... im not telling tho...keke....

***

then i guess when the night is over, i will switch off the lights, light up the room with my lil muffin and that wax stick thingie...sing a song... make a wish... blow the off the light... eat my muffin... brush my teeth... go to bed... say a lil prayer for you... sleep...

***

its not such a bad idea... please dont look at me with cute puppy dog eyes...

every bird has to learn to fly on its own... and since this year marks my transition from childhood to adulthood... i will do just that... i will learn to fly on my own... =)

and i pray God will give me the strength to fly on my own...

***

Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus

Take My Life by Third Day

2009-04-15T00:55:00.002+11:00

When you pursue Him, you are brought back to your real image in Him

i know these words didnt come out of Pastor Russell's mouth for no good reason.. because the moment it was spoken.. it pierced straight into my heart...

im not going to talk too long cos i had a LONG day and i do have ALOT to say but they can wait...

but i just know that God is out there... today, tonight, i am reminded again of His grace upon my life... and that i have no need to fear... for greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world... i can do this... i can get out of this...

i love You =)
goodnight

2009-04-14T11:36:00.006+11:00

i can hear bagpipes playing...

its probably from the nearby church...they're having something on...

its like an automatic background music that just activated

right when i noticed that bucket full of tears placed at the corner of my mind...

that bucket full of tears that i can say nothing to...

that bucket full of tears that i know im not allowed to carry...

that bucket full of tears that i know i cannot empty...

....

because, just as the bagpipe has stopped playing...

so has my words, sealed from speaking...

so has my heart, refrained from beating...

and my mind, silenced from screaming...

but i know somehow it is for the better...

somehow i know we will be stronger...

so hang on, bucket full of tears... God hears and i know He will not allow you to mess up...

rmb God is in the details... even to the very detail of your emotion and fear and every uncertainty... we are all under the palm of His hands, arent we? =)

and if it means anything at all...
just rmb that somewhere out there...

someone is praying with u too...

silently, patiently, faithfully...

and i know one day you will stand before all man

no longer a bucket full of tears

but a bucket full of sunshine... =)

2009-04-13T16:47:00.008+11:00

You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol

this is an excerpt from the lyrics:

You could be happy
I hope you are
You made me happier
Than I'd been by far

Somehow everything
I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment
It's all not true

Do the things
That you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back
Don't think, just do

More than anything
I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite
Out of the whole world

****

this is for you

you know who you are
and i know who am i

as i take my bow, i leave this stage
you must stay on and you must shine

always rmb you are beautiful the way you are
and as i let go i will be praying with u from afar
with every silent whisper we'll make it thru the night
coz i know one day broken pieces will be whole again
coz i know one day everything will be alright

till that day comes, i will be holding on
to love, faith, hope and redemption's song
for no greater love can amend what has been wronged
but the love of Jesus Christ, that's where we belong

the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

P.S. -
If you think this is for you,
It's probably not..
If you know this is for you,
It very well is..

"I Not Stupid"

2009-04-12T19:13:00.003+11:00

i am tired

very tired

both mentally and physically tired

but i am pretty sure i am not spiritualy tired..at least not now..=)

physically..coz i didnt get much sleep last night and i had to endure what feels like a really long journey from creswick all the way back here.. it makes your body feel nausious..and i really need to sleep

mentally.. coz... well lets just say i had to face a lot of my demons these few days.. and it sorta built to a climax last night.. it is exhausting i tell u

fear of rejection is the biggest demon ever right now.. it makes me doubt myself.. doubt whether i am being myself..doubt whether i will find myself in this place...doubts and more doubts... fears and more fears...

its really stupid to come to think of it

very

and yes i do feel stupid...

i dunno... this never happened before back home... "fear of rejection" never ever crossed my mind before..but now, suddenly, it blows up at my face..what do u expect me to do? face it ... yes i face it everyday...

last night when i was all alone in my room, i sat there on my bed and i just started to talk to myself.. i do that alot..haha... i will speak out loud..astho ther is really someone there.. but erm... why am i talking about this? haha

but one thing i know for sure... i am an uncertainty avoidance person.. i avoid uncertainties... in everything that i do if i know i am not in control i go really jumpy... i lose all sense of reason... and its in such cases where i really need to chill... thats why i hate last minute work.. my mind just go blank every time i do

and last night during the jam with the guys... my mind just went blank... i lost all mood to play.. i just knew that i had to go somewhere to be alone... and so i walked out... i felt stupid... but i didnt know how to deal with my stupidness.. so i had to walk away...

i dont understand why am i so weak here all of the sudden

maybe all along i have been putting on a mask

but i know i cannot hold it up for long

i am not that strong

but in any case i am letting go.. i am.. but i just have my weak moments.. thats all...

but i tell you one thing..=) God doesnt allow me to be down for too long..haha..somehow someway He will show me truths and remind me again and again that we are in the palm of His hands.. and most oftenly He does it in very subtle and very playful ways too sometimes...like now

cos u know what happened? i sorta just decided to go check out my regular devo website. and the devo topic for the day was

Jesus Saves The Stupid

how random is that?

=) i love You

2009-04-09T23:55:00.004+11:00

everyday i sit around waiting
but waiting for what
for change?
but change will not happen unless you move
and you know that
but you choose to sit around instead
and as the chair rocks back and forth
swinging away all the precious bit call time
when the beat stops
and colours fade
only the bare naked view
as the veil is torn down
and the scales removed
the bare naked view remain
a skeleton of the truth
an artifact of unfinished memories
a place where flesh and bones dissolves
a moment where
everythng within you screams
and the resonance so resounds
within the corners of ourselves
this is where you break
this is where you break into pieces

so You can make us whole once again
for we were all saved to save
we were all filled to fill
we were all emptied to be emptied again
because of what You have done on the cross
today
we can say
Father, into Your hands, i commit my spirit, once again

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

You'll Come, Hillsong Australia

2009-04-09T12:52:00.004+11:00

i have been thinking about that song matt songled on on sunday morning... the shout hallelujah song...=)

coz i wanna do the same thing now..LOL =DD

it was a blissful tuesday afternoon when lil richard has handed in his only submission of the week at the student centre. he was already dreaming and wondering what to expect out of MSO.. and he sat there in the middle of the lecture hall, waiting eagerly for marc to step thru the doors, cause richard really wanted to tease him with the complimentary ticket he got in his hands... XD

but then it had to turn sour..annemarie came waltzing in and almost immediately said, "it came to our attention that some of us were caught plagiarizing.."

it wasnt much of a concern of course... but then as she went on elaborating what is CONSIDERED plagiarism and how 15 students actually got a ZERO for the whole outline... lil richard's heart dropped, rolled down and over the stairs, and as annemarie took a step front, her inzy bitzy feet squashed it...*SPLAATT*

you see, the week before lil richard submitted his outline for his theories research paper. it was really just a list of questions that needed answers.. and it was really what we were told to do... answer the questions... simple... so i did.. .and i AM VERY SURE ALOT MORE OF THE STUDENTS DID THE SAME TOO..HMPH..!!

and because the impression given was it was such an informal paper, i put no reference at all.. it was just words with zero foot note zero reference... so i just sat there and listened to her blabber and how APPARENTLY the uni has this machine that can scan your paper and automatically detect piagarism thru this mega database in its system... i was like DIE LOH....

but really it isnt much to be worried about... after all the outline only amounts to like 3.2% of my 100% in the end.. but still... i SPENT SO MUCH ENERGY ON IT..REMEMBERRR??? THE TORTUROUS WEEK U PUT ME THRU AND NOW U GIVING ME A ZEROOO??

=( big time =((

and whats worst is that annemarie is incharge of my research topic.. theres a few tutors and each one will take up a few topics to mark.. and annemarie is marking mine... i was like... im so dead... since she is so particular and vigilant and strict ...i-am-so-dead...

so i came to tutorial today expecting a zero already... see how fast i gave up? LOL i told myself if it wasnt a zero it will probably be very miserably low... after all i got a H2B for my annotated bibliography... (highest is H1 then H2A then H2B...then wateva that comes next i dont care coz im not going to get them...XD) since she was so fussy with just my bibliography i was very sure she wouldnt be too impressed with my outline...

guess what? =)

H1~!!!!

***jumps around like a lil bunny on glucose overdosed due to excessive intake of chocolate easter eggs ***

my first reaction was like... " oh thank GOD.."

=DDDD

but seriously... I-HATE-REFERENCING..UR-A-PAIN..

but for now

***continues to jump around like a lil bunny on glucose overdosed due to excessive intake of chocolate easter eggs ***

The Road Called Swanston and the Little Portion of St Kilda

2009-04-07T23:43:00.004+11:00

The Road Called Swanston and the Little Portion of St Kilda is what basically defines my evening today...

why?

cause i walked... from uni all the way to MSO...it was like a horror story building to a climax and finally leading to the orchestrated resolution Like literally.

how?

.....i.....really need to pee... brb...

*ssshhhhhhhh* *shh* *shh* *sh*
.........*zzziippp*
(grossed out? well, no one told u to imagine it..XD..)

how u say?

well its simple... cause i was just exaggerating... but let just say i had a better look at melbourne...

why was it building to a climax? well it was something like watching a society turn bad and complex and weird and all of the sudden they're civilized again...i will elaborate more next time when im more inspired...

but first... MSO~!!

Melbourne Symphony Orchestra... i walked all the way down to see them... it wasn't a big thing going on... just some small show featuring this guy Richard Gill who is really like that nutty professor from Back to the Future and how this other fella Dvorak composed his musical masterpiece...

one word stood out tonight.. tooty...or something like that... i cant rmb wat is it about but Gill sure used it alot... i was honestly more intrigued by the architecture of the hall...XD

but the music was done very well... i could just appreciate it for the fact of it having so many layers of overlapping melodies and rhythm that the collision is so seamless and ...perfect? it was so good it will put u to sleep..in a good sense.. lol....

and i met nicole.. deb deb's sister... and i was abit startled to find that she is so young.. haha... maybe i always had this impression that deb is older than how she looks.. i told her its gotta be the local food..lol... and it sorta became an inside joke..

anyway.. the theory does not work, im sure, cos look at ppl like nita and shazza..*gasps* XD

2009-04-05T23:31:00.002+11:00

okay people

DAYLIGHT SAVING ALREADY STARTED

so meaning... i am now TWO HOURS ahead of u... no more three hours... bare that in mind..hehe

and oh... this week is waiting-for-easter-to-happen week..=))

so im pretty excited..

GOD IS GOOD

goodnight