OMGOSH................... HI CHARMAINE!!!!! =DDDD MC-53 officially has a THIRD FOLLOWER...!!! =DDDD

ahem

u know what i miss?

i miss driving along the LDP Freeway at the wee hours of the day... no one on the road but me... crazy drivers speeding... but i keep my cool... and just cruise through along the tarmac.... everyone asleep in their homes.... with hints of dim lighting somewhere in that sea of slumbering darkness.... the street lights above me... the radio beside me.... and there's something magical about the dashboard... the way it lids up at night... it just cool.... driving pass 1U...empty, desolate, quiet.... i dunno... something about it makes me feel alive.... something fun about it....

yea i do drive home late alot last time... cos i had to stay back in uni for work most of the time... never thought that i will miss it... it never crossed my mind... but it's the simple things like this u just miss.... when everything comes to a halt... and u suddenly realize u do miss it after all...

i miss getting stuck in a jam... and how i force my way thru... so that i can get to uni on time... it is hilarious thinking about it now... i was SO agressive... and i am shouting in my car most of the time... astho the other drivers can hear me...haha.. JJ and Rudy on Hitz.fm..... ah... miss those jokers....

i miss annoying ppl by tailgating em ... i missed being annoyed by people tailgating me... and i miss annoying those ppl that tailgate me....lol..... how i annoy those that tailgate me? well i just wouldn't budge... and they will be forced to overtake me... i mean, i dun care.. im travelling at the maximum speed allowed... if u wanna go faster... then by all means over take me... but since im already on the fast lane... u just gota scoot over to the left then.. aint my problem... haha...but yea i know such attitude can get me bad if i bump into a road bully... thank God i have been discreet so far...XD

i miss fighting for car park space on the 4th floor of 1U... i do so often i can navigate it with my eyes closed... haha... it was fun... the anticipation of a car driving away... the watchful eyes carefully scanning the area for shoppers heading back to their cars... and the sudden jolt of my feet at the clutch, speeding towards them... and slowly inching behind em as they reached their cars... it was fierce... fierce indeed...

and as crazy as it sounds... i miss drving with my sister... we do the craziest things in the car... like seriously.... i miss teaching her how to drive... altho i would be screaming most of the time... but it was fun..=) yet nerve wrecking... cos u never when she's gonna dent the car... but hallelujah praise the Lord.. no harm is done to the car YET... haha...

i miss driving around not knowing where on earth am i going... and discovering new roads... its SO fun... especially when its late at night... why at night again? i have no idea... architects are owls... seriously....

and as much as i hated it, i miss having to constantly watch out for the heat meter at the dashboard.. cos the old Proton have a very old radiator.. and i needed to constantly moniter it... u never when it will need a refill again... so yea, gone thru a few times where i had to switch off the AC... it was just irritating... cos of the heat in Malaysia.. and ur on the road.. which makes it hotter.... and the dust and smoke from the cars... just eeww... i hated it... and have i mentioned how much i HATE bad exhaust? seriously, hate it BIG TIME.... ever since i came here, kinda miss the feeling of hating it... lol.... would like to hate it again...lol

simple things that we take for granted...oh wells.......

it is 5.14am... im crazy

this is wat i have been working on all night..
COMMENTS PPL

it's not final, of course... it's just a first attempt at giving it a fresh look, whilst still retaining the idea of a palm.... can u see it? =) it's kinda like a eye illusion... cos it is both a palm and a dove at the same time..=DD

COMMENTS PPL

gonna show pastor this friday....

I want to....

I WANT TO WATCH ICE AGE 3..!!!!!
so kill joy lar yesterday.... and now that the date is called off i wonder who will go with me.... =( since those that wanna watch are already making their own plans for the next attempt...and everyone else sure no more mood to watch it already by now.... it's either they will be lazy to go cinema to watch it, or they will be just too mature to watch a cartoon...*bluek* =(

don't care... GRACE RMB TO GET THE DVD...i'm coming home to watch...=DDDD

*mumble mumble*

i guess i'm just the kind that doesn't realy go out much.. but when i do, i wanna make sure i gett do what i set out to do, or else i'd be disgruntled... lol... it's true... even for shopping... i dun shop much... but when i do, i take it to the max.... and if i come back empty handed......well... u wouldn't wanna know... it will be raining the whole day i guess....XD (by that, i don't mean crying.. i just mean it wll be a moody day, sometimes..depending on how much i was banking on being able to watch it.haha...kidd....)

I WANT TO WATCH TRANSFORMERS...!!!
i am anyway, tonight.. so wat the heck....

I WANT TO WATCH KATY PERRY LIVE IN MELBOURNE
but no one will go with me...=( but isn't she so cool? why don't u ppl like her? =( or would i go alone...? hmmmm....... nah

I WANT TO WRITE A NEW SONG...!!!
i have so many ideas bubbling in my head right now..SO MANY..... and my hands are so itchy now... but no guitar..=( WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY GUITAR???? *wail*

I WANT TO *holds breath* STOP THINKING AND JUST START ON MY RESUME AND CV AND PORTFOLIO SO THAT I CAN FIND A EMPLOYER AND THEN GET THE VISA DONE AND THEN I CAN STOP WORRYING IF I WILL HAVE TO FLY BACK TO MSIA

there u go... i'm done whining... now, time for lunch....

oh one more thing

I WANT ALTERED FREQUENCY'S NEW ALBUM..!!!
why la they take so long to release it? now that i'm here, only they decide to happily announce the new album is in stores...

somebody please go buy and rip and send over..=DDDD

oh my gosh...i re-read my recent posts and i realize my English SUCK big time....

like how i wrote "late back" instead of "laid back" and how i wrote "taking pictures are so not my thing" instead of "IS so not my thing"....@_@

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME????????

i just finished watching Australia... after like wat... breaking it up to 3, 4 times? it was just so boring i had to stop watching it and continue another time.. and today i officially finished watching one of the most boring shows ever... but i guess i just wanted to watch cos after all i AM in Australia.. so no harm watching a show about its history (more like a super drama-fied history in the case of this movie).... and it is just SO BORING.....

but for some strange reason i teared again in this show... WHY LAAAAAA.........

i-am-ab-nor-mal...

but hey, as much as my english suck... im getting paid lately to take trial english tests.. wohoooo~!!!! FIFTY DOLLARS again tomorrow...=DDDD

the word of the day is

SERIOUS

am i too serious? will i ever learn to take it easy?

i guess it is just the way i am brought up... pa was never too laid back about anything he puts himself into... i also dunno why am i so serious... i thnk too much i know....

but i am learning

i am learning to find stability
i am learning to find a job
i am learning to control my finances
i am learning to take care of my health
i am learning to stand on my two feet
i am learning to control my emotions
i am learning to love selflessly
i am learning to surrender my heart
i am learning to be faithful in little things
i am learning to be true to myself
i am learning to be a man of integrity

i am learning...

i guess i am learning to be less serious as well.....

anyway...

YAY...annoying lil nameless squirrel.... here i come...!!!!!! i hope u really do get to eat ur nut this time... =DDD

first of all, i wanna give a shout out to Wina SW..!!!!! Hope i spelt ur username correctly...lol... i have no idea how u found my blog, and i dunno wats so good about my blog...but since u decided to follow my blog...

WELCOME~!...=DDD

Camp was fantastic.. and no... i have no pictures... i did bring my camera... and i did bring my charger too... but i just didnt take any pictures.... so weird isnt it.. i guess taking pictures are just so not me...@_@ sorry fellas... but i guess when my church members like Mat uploads the pics on FB and i get tagged thn u can view some... there is a geisha family portrait u guys gotta see...!!! =)

One thing i take away from camp

i realize that i have been having a wrong perception of my gift all along. my role is not to pray FOR anyone... but to pray WITH... so i sudnt be so concerned with what will God tell me... Cos God will in His own time... i'm just there to pray with em...

and i noticed that it's mostly simple words or sentences like 'victory', 'joy' or 'you are precious'... and i just go on from there... it's exciting i must say... =)

*****

you know, i like to think that i am emotonaly stronger now, but i realize that sometimes when u are not careful, u can mess things up pretty much again... i tok a walk with Geoff today, just to talk... i tot that it will help confirm the actions that i have taken lately. but i got even more confused towards the end of the day.... i started to stare into blankness again...@_@ so i got some of the guys to go for chocolate... heavenly chocolate...=DDD just to u know, get away.... but it didnt really help... came back home after and i had to sit on my bed... i started to talk senses back into myself... to realign myself again.. then, ah...yes... this was what i wanted to do... and this is what i am doing...

all's good now... i'm back on track.... but im just reminded of how murky it can all get sometimes....

the author apologizes for the appalling lack of proper sentence structure and amount of grammatical error in this post... sometimes we get caught in the moment..haha

today was a very very fun day... seriously...=)

but i guess there is a time and place for everything... right now... right here... i just wanna write my thoughts......

it's funny how when you think you are the strongest that's when you are the weakest... because hey, it's not by your strength... cos our flesh fails... way too many times we fail.... but it's God... and every time we forget that simple truth is when we let our own flesh overcome us... but i thank God for His mercy... that i have not allowed myself to slip away again... life gets tough i guess....

camp is tomorrow... i am very excited... because not only will i be able to see 30cm tall penguins..=DDDDDD i also know in my heart that God will be moving in this camp... that change is inevitable and a revolution is starting... be it in our hearts, our attitudes or our minds... change will come... and it will come on like a flood...

probably excited also because this is my first winter camp... went to mornington peninsula with marc and euric today and it was CRAZY.... the winds were SO strong... i lost my beanie today...it flew off from my open bag....=( *sobs* but yea, it was CRAZY.... u cannot move at all sometimes... cos its jst so strong... so i was telling myself, if this is just a cape and it's like this...imagine what will it be like tmr when u are on an island....EIK!!! haha....

but one thing i know i seriously need to let go off in this camp, is to stop regretting and move on and do something about the here and now... so many times it has happened.. every time when i am reminded of how much i allowed slip by me when i was in msia, every time without fail i get moved to tears... because i just can't forgive myself for what i have done.... i dunno why... but i just do... i beat myself up every time.... and i will cry and cry before God... but i never seem to get over it....

like last sunday... zita was so nice to be open enough to go to church with marc and euric... i was very happy that she decided to go along with them... and so i went along as well... for moral support... the service was great.. i mean hey it's PLANETSHAKERS...what do u expect? but anyway... at the end of everything, towards the alter call... i just suddenly had this familiar burden once again falling upon me...so so strong burden that i just couldn't sweep aside... and it was talking to me... it said, " Richard, u had THREE years with Zita when you were still at college back home, but u did nothing... now she's here, came alll the way here to visit u guys and shes here at church..and u're gonna do nothing?"....

it broke me... it seriously did... i kept asking God for forgiveness...and that He will have mercy on Zita... so that she may know Him... i just couldn't stop tearing... and a part of me fought back... a part of me was afraid to ask her if i can pray for her... i didnt know how she'd react... but u know what, i did it anyway...

me: can i pray for u?
zita: yea sure why not? =)
me: okay =)
zita: what do i do?
me: just close your eyes

and i prayed... the music was blaring...so i went close to her ears... and i prayed my heart out... i surrendered her life, her studies, her family, our friendship all into God's hands... after the prayer... she hugged me.. for quite a while i must say... i dunno... maybe she was touched... but i knew right there and then, i planted another seed in her life...

i had to go off early cos i was gonna meet pastor and sharon back at RCC... but u know, while i was on the tram, i was fighting to hold back the tears that are just clogging up my eyes... right there and then God was speaking to me... and i said yes Lord, i will do what you want me to do from now on...

i was worried that i'd get too emo and will need somebody to pray with me later when i reach church... i was thinking maybe Ed or Geoff... but when i entered the hall, someone called out my name... and somehow it all just dissolved away... and i didnt even notice it happening until i reflected on the day at my bed, but yea, my tears were swept away just like tht... oh well, but thats another story altogether...

but yea, having said all this, i realize that altho i have this awful burden on me, but it made me grow closer to God... like seriously... Richard Lee is entering into the prayer ministry, believe it or not? i dun... haha... but... since the time i last prayed for Wil at church, till now, many things has happened... and it made me grow... and since then i have said many more prayers... for different individuals... and for some reason sometimes i duno how and why, but they'd come to me and say tell me how i said words that they needed to hear or words that they wanted to express themselves but didnt know how to... and somehow, my prayer helped... somehow.... i honestly dun really know what i am blabbering most of the time... but recently i prayed for Wil... and after the prayer i told him i didnt know what i was blabbering about... but he said i blabbered all the right things... that, i didnt expect...

But yea, i wanna go to this camp expecting to bless someone as well.... anyone for that matter... just wanna be there to pray with somebody.... yea, i would love that... and i realize that the more i pray, the more confident i am in my prayer.. and i pray differently now... it's more forceful...somehow...

so yea... camp here i come~!!!!!!

time to shower and pack..=DDDDD