from the first day i touched down at melbourne airport, i have made this silent prayer and have always been saying this same prayer.
i prayed, "God, will ever find my place here? God, will i ever call this home? God, will i ever have a hope and a future here?"
and somehow God did show me that i have somewhere where i belong. a place that i can call home. and maybe somewhere in the near future when all is done i have a hope and a future.
but now i fear. i fear that i am going to lose it all over again.
i have already lost my home back in malaysia. all the friends and family that i have taken for granted. all of them that i only came to miss when i am here. all alone in my own lil cubicle. behind closed doors where no one hears me.
but the Lord brought me His friend. A friend who knows my name. A friend who hears. and somehow i know i am safe.
but its all just crashing down now. all over again.
i was just talking to Cathy over dinner just now. and i asked out of concern for her if she is affected by the government's decision to cut down migrants. she say she is praying not, after al she came before the verdict. but she turned to me. and she asked if i am. i said i shouldnt be i am a student after all. but she pointed out that if i want to work, the situation will be different.
i was stunnned for a moment.
my lips just utter the naked truth after that, "if i cant find work i will have to go back......."
......
i dont know... its just crazy....
one time is enough. i dont wana go thru it all over again. not when i have found a place where i belong. a plce where my heart is found. not when a piece of my heart is missing already....
its just unfair
......
and somehow i know that this tme i am genuine. you cant go wrong when tears clog up your eyes talking about this...
how do i write memories into blank pages when the pen is empty? i may never get to write anything at all.....
......
its just typical of the devil you know. to write me off just like that.. but no, i will not be moved. like what Jessica said, there is power in prayer..=)
God is good. He has been very good. from the clothes that i wear to the food that i ate. He is good. and He will never let me go.
i know you wouldn't...=) would you?
and perhaps together we can write the pages after all... mine in capitals and yours in cursive...and together, the story may never end....
Romans 12:21
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
..."REMEMBER"...
1 comment:
She did pray.
"and perhaps together we can write the pages after all... mine in capitals and yours in cursive...and together, the story may never end...."
She broke down and cried, tears have never flow so much before in a prayer such as this one.
She asked God for direction, for time, because she trusted Him. She cried asking God that if the one was in front of her eyes, that things would work out. That if he wasn't the one, there'd better be one that was 100x, no 1000x better than the one in front of her. Then she realised that she didn't want that, she wanted the one in front, but then she realied that she needed to put God first.
and today, she realised that to focus on God she needed to give everything to Him. Her thoughts, her desires, her future, her eyes, her mind and most important of all.
her heart.
her whole heart.
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