MC-53

i sat there at the corner to observe once again... i wonder if you noticed... but i did.... i sat at the corner as the youths gathered at the stage to run thru the practice together with the band... and as wil was giving out instructions, i sat there and i just thought to myself..

this is a nice group of people... i guess i wouldnt mind calling them home.. but do i love em?

i found that the honest answer is - no...not enough...not yet...

and for some reason i found myself eating myself up... i dunno why....

anita bought the cake today for all the may babies... well maybe she didnt buy but i guess she took the effort to go grab it? whatever... but thats not my point... wats my point? i dunno... im so self-conflicting....

during the cake session...i felt lonely. all of the sudden... in the crowd of ppl.... i felt lonely... i stood there in the midst of em all... and i was like hey, ur the only one here, rite now at this very moment, that doesnt have a fren to talk to... i looked around and wondered if i should be joining some of their conversations... but then i felt like i didnt wanna interrupt...so weird...its like i wnna talk to ppl but i dun wanna talk to ppl as well... wat the? @_@

but one thing tho... today when i saw anita... i was beaming.... and when i saw amelin and jess, i was beaming even more!! i practically hopped over and smiled at them... i just felt so happy to see them.... =)

i guess what i am really trying to say is tht... i need to learn to love every one of em more... and thru that a passion for them will come... i mean like, at least now im starting to notice who arent around...like giang... oh well, anyway, yea, i mean... i just need to learn to love em... i just find that there is much more meaning in tht than to just come every week and say hi and go back... i wanna be a blessing as well.... i wanna have passion for this youth as well....

so u know what i did after i felt lonely? i walked about, wondering if anyone noticed... i guess no one did... so in the end i sought out zai ming... tht poor fella was all alone as well... so i talked to him in the end...=)

i am not blaming anyone for not noticing... cos sumtimes i do go under the radar on purpose.. and i do understand that there are lines to be drawn.... i guess i wish geoff was here today... i would have gone to talk to him...

but yea i know that in the end, it all takes time... but im just wondering why is it taking so long...

yes, my impatience is talking again...

remember you're 21 now...so gotta grow up..

sigh..................

.........i know

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17