It's been a while huh....
Yeah, very long time indeed....
So, let's see.. It has been a year here in Melbourne... I started out strong and mighty, ready to face the day.. Yes it was difficult but through the storm I learned to find my way, to pace myself, and I know I found God in a whole new level... In many ways life has changed...
But like any other euphoria of first loves, the reality of life will finally sink in.. and i guess i wasn't ready to swim.. cos i started to sink... I sank very very deep... I became very self centered.. Everything was about me.. about what i wanna achieve, about what i hope to be, about my future, everything that concerns me, i was all out for it.... i gave my heart and soul into it...
and i forgot about everything else
i came to the point where i asked myself in bed, staring at the ceiling, "Please remind me what is all this for again?"
Cause it's true.. i dont rmb anymore... i lost the passion, i lost the fire... i started questioning the point of living and the point of a hope and a future... i felt like a dead man walking, living each day like a machine... i practically lost it....
but it's funny cos u can never ever go too far away from God that His grace is not sufficient for you nor a place where His mercies can never reach you...
The past two months has been a chain of outrageous events that started breaking me to the core... it broke my ego, broke my pride, and it shock the very foundations of the pillar of sand that i built over the year...
it gave me failure to understand the meaning of success; heartache, to teach me how to love selflessly; rejection, to know and appreciate the value of love; regret, to understand the extends of forgiveness; emptiness, to accept that everything is in God's Hands and the best plan is always His plan...
God's plan...
I am still trying to fully understand God's plan and the idea of God's plan.. but undoubtly, everything that has happened so far, everything that went wrong, God turned it back for good..
Just a few weeks before, i was questioning will i ever find a job, and i got a job... and i didnt even need to apply for it.. it was so effortless... and it was given to me on a platter... i tot will not be going home this year, but before i even know it, i am booking a flight ticket back home in a week's time...
Euric asked me why did I decide to work with Ian.. why dont i go for larger firms (since i am gna work in malaysia, might as well go for the big and famous ones).. i dunno how to answer his question.. all i know is that at this point of time, this is the right decision.. i have the peace in me that this is right.. whether or not am i supposed to develop a career in malaysia or not, that is a totally different story.. for much later. but for now, for this few months, i am pretty confident that working at Ian's is the right choice....
And i am suddenly reminded of a post i made earlier.. about the architect who i wanna be.. i am not the architect who works in a big and famous firms, who makes a name for himself and gets in face published on a magazine cover.. i am the architect who wanna build homes for the homeless.. that is my conviction.. and i know i will get there one day.. and somehow i know working with Ian, being thrown into the deep end, to learn how to handle projects by myself, having to run the office almost single handedly (cos Ian will be away some days, and the firm has only a staff of two to three) I know that i will learn so much more about being an architect and how i can reach that goal one day....
so here it is, here is now... just a week ago i was wondering how will my story of 2010 will unfold, cos everything was stil so blurry and uncertain.. but now it has been laid straight, never clearer than ever.. and i know it will be an exciting one....
