if i can describe annabelle in one word... i'd say "olive"...

not olive the food but olive, the galfren of popeye~! lol....

cos since the day i first met her... thats who she reminds me of...lol.... i mean she's cute in an "olive" sense...lol... dun tell her...sshhhh...keke....but i tell u she is so ganas (aggressive) while playing badminton today.... lol....

talking about badminton... it has been like centuries since i last touched the racket... today was very nice... and we will do it again next week..!!! haha... u sud come join us too? hmmm but u live far away huh.... and some of u live EVEN further...lol.... oh well.... but its like SO expansive... one hour about 20 plus dollars per hour...craziness.. back home its like 4 ringgit an hour... but i ended up paying 4 dollars anyway... but thats my SHARE!! ... lol..... (andrea says i use 'lol' too much...LOL...)

and we had a very funny warm-up exercise too...we actually boarded the wrong tram... we, as in andrew, annabelle and myself. and we only knew that we were on the wrong tram when the tram took a wrong turn...

olive: arent we suposed to be going that way?
andrew: isnt this 96?
me: NO... i thought i told u this is 86??
andrew: aiya... wrong tram!!

and soon after that, three monkeys was like running frantically from one end of southern cross station to the other end.... cos we saw tram 96 on the other end.... it was so breath-taking... seriously...LOL....and your truly was the last of the three...=( i felt so lousy...in a comical way...lol.....

i mean, olive was faster than me!! lol.....how u ever feel bad when olive is faster than u?? haha...pardon me..=P

but anyway... a conversation i had with andrew got me thinking... he asked me why wouldnt i get everyone to come for this sunday.... i told him i prefer a smaller group cos it gives me a better chance at getting to know everyone? but well... i couldnt help but wonder if i am segregating and forming my own click... i shouldnt... i think... gah... i dunno..... why must be pressured to know everybody when i could hardly even really know anyone in particular?? i dunno... i guess i just prefer more intimate relationships than those of an arms length?

anyway... its back to work... with sore toes due to excessive accute action at the court and cold fingers due to the cold weather... i feel like sleeping tho...hehe



on a separate note... i have been thinking.... what does really mean to fall in love with God? have i ever fell in love with God before? how will i ever understand the real meaning of love unless i truly fall in love with Him.... rite? well but that will be a different topic for a different day....

i walked out....wait... u know... i realize that i always like to start a post with me walking out of something... getting tacky... okay change style..

ahem

i....

i.........

tsk!

i WALTZED out of ( XD ) Annemarie's office realizing how blessed i am... =) i got H1 for my draft...yay... i mean like its my first time writing a research paper... i was like so afraid i'd mess up or something or i may come across too shallow? haha... but i got H1 so i thank GOD...=) u know why i realized that i am blessed? cos apparently some students are failing and i had to get out of her office so that she will have more time with em... o_O""" hehe...

i am going for batminton with andrew and edwin later... gosh... i can imagine me panting already... but i guess i'd update u later when im home...

everyone that i invited for sunday came back asking why are anita and amelin planning my night...lol... i dunno~! lol...=D but apparently something happened? so now its only amelin? well anything la i guess... =)

but i do feel bad... i mean with amelin working and all now...u guys dont need to do all that, really, but if u insist...XD....

but anyway... i told jess last night that i have something else up my sleeves...hehe... the free hugs are just part of it..haha... u'll see...=)



this blog is starting to fall silent again... must be my boring grandmother stories... haha

toodles~!

will u please pardon my manners but..

WHY IS IT SO FREAKING COLD???????

ahem.. okay... now back to the real me

=)

I HAVE A NEW SONG...=)

yes i believe that the song-writer in me has re-emerged from the sunken depths of the old richard.... it's alive..!!

(yea i know ..." T_T"""" " rite? yea okie..)

but i need a guitar...argh.... and i cant possibly be asking for matt's all the time.... WHY DIDNT I BRING MINE HERE???

=(

yea but its like i have a song to sing everyday now... dunno why....

actually... i do know why... the songs that i write are always from a heart that is close to God... i never believe that i write songs because i dont.. i just dont... i dont have any theory knowledge neither do i really understand the mechanisms of song-writing... but all i do know is how to pick up the guitar and sing... and the songs will just come... at its own pace at its own time... and the lyrics never really needed to be pushed.. because they will just come as well...

so u can say that my songs are a relfection of my walk in God... and if i am dry... no songs will ever come.. even if i try... thats just how it works... thts why i never really wanna take credit for songs that i write... cos i know its not me.. its never me...

anyway... the title of this song is "I'll Sing.." ...=) its really fun as well.... not ur conventional praise song..hehe... cant wait to get it finished on the guitar!!

i dont realli have the lyrics yet ... i only have the melody... but i already know what its gonna say... cos it was born from a heart that just wanted to sing... in every circumstances... in every insecurity...in every confusion... sing..=) in every celebration.. in every living second... sing..just sing ... =)

i dunno why am i so happy.. but "doing the right thing isnt always easy, but it is always right.."

right? =)

PEOPLE...!!!!!!

=) i had to wait till i come back home before i can make this post... just now was too chaotic... and i had to rush so i hadnt got time to post what i wanted to...

i was kinda late for my submission today... hopefully its not too late... like bout 20 minutes?? lol...anyway...u wanna know WHY???

when i was about to leave my apartment, i got a ring on the intercom...

*buzzzzz*
MC-53: hello?
Buzz: Hi i've got a parcel for you
MC-53: may i know who is it for?
Buzz: erm.. richard lee

*eyes gleam*

MC-53: i'll be right down

i walked back into my apartment wondering what on earth it is.. altho i kinda knew what it is gonna be...lol.... but i was like this whole package from andrea???



then i noticed something....

i was like oh great what did u guys do now??? whats inside??? LOL

and mind u... i noticed one or two ants trying to get in the box...

and when i opened it...TADA~!


and the first thing i noticed was this notice


LOL... well thank God everything is still inside

so guess wat i found? =)

there was actually a green envelope but i ignored it...lol... i was too excited to see what would be inside...

and in a way, everything inside was "food"...no wonder got invaded by the mangy customs...haha




i was like OMG.....!!!! this so reminds me of aling larrrr..... we saw this on our first and last "date" before i left for aussie...

its actually an armrest...but its done so synthetically well... its smells, feels and looks like a real donut..!! =) ... yummy....=D

and then...i found something that gave those quarantine fellas even more reason to open this package....


looks wat's inside..=)




the bottle looks like it has been tempered with... and perhaps they actually took a few pills for testing...T_T""""
then i tilted the bottle to read whats underneath...


can't it be anymore obvious that this is not drugs????

haha...

anyway...the BEST PART...


HONEY STARS~!!!!!!!!
yyaaaayyyyy~~~!!!!!!!!!

hehe...

okay all my aussie frens... honey stars is something that you guys just dont have..!!! i remember walking up and down the cereal aisle of Safeway and i could find no Honey Stars... i was like sulking already...Honey Stars is like my favourite cereal kay...lol.... i mean im like the only big kid at the cereal aisle everytime my family go shopping... and without fail i would just grab Honey Stars everytime... =)

OMG guys u really didnt have to.... but still...YAY...lol




then only came the time where i opened my green envelope


and inside was this


i flipped it over and i found this


i noticed alicia's note =)


and she had to end with this...


and then i noticed andrea's note..=D


and the last one was

pie?? what pie? lol

anyway guys... just to be serious abit here... quarantine and customs here are like super duper strict okay?


so next time try not to send anything that resembles drugs or food ya?? lol...or else u and i may be called in for questioning... serious no joke... =)

but still

THANK U...!!! =) u made me SO happy today.....

u made my heart went AAAWWWW...hehe

but uh... they're all back in the box already.... i cant bare to use them... altho i do know i would have to eat the Honey Stars before it expires...hehe...

SO TO ALL MY FEMALE FANS OUT THERE..

MMUUUAAAKKZZZZZZ~~~!!! =D

You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song

You Light Up My Life by Debbie Boone

for some strange reason this was the background music this time around... i mean like... HELLO???? i was like rushing up and down because the printer was giving me problem... the cycle here was brain freezing and i actually forgot that i have to submit thru the online system..!! my mind was like AAAAHHHHH...!!!

but yet at the back of my mind...

You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song

T_T"""""

and somehow... memories of my mother kept coming back... especially her words, " i married your father because he is a man of integrity.."

u know i never forgot those words.. one of those things i will never ever forget... cause sometimes i feel like i am not a man of integrity, yet...

of all the things that i picked up from my father....there are two things in my life i am yet to pick up

1) his impetuous fussiness with being tidy...XD
2) his integrity

and i asked myself... will u be a man of integrity? to keep to your word and never look back?? to mean what you say and do what u mean... to live by the principles of God... and not to ever be swayed by the temptations of the world...

this is my father

and honestly, all i really wanna do.. is to hear him say at the end of the day that he is proud of me...(gosh im tearing again.... but im in the comlab!!! richard.... !!) well... not that he never did say that... but it is my heart's desire... to make my father proud of who i am and who i will become...

i know life here has changed me so much... it has only been 2 months... but i know i have grown alot...and one of the things i know God is teaching me is to keep to my promises...

to be a man of integrity

IT'S EIGHT DEGREES NOW....

WHY IS IT SO FREAKING COLD???

*WAILS*

AND ITS GONNA BE LIKE THAT THIS WHOLE WEEK..!!!!

*WAILS*

AND FROM WHAT I HEAR, IT'S BURNING HOT IN MSIA...

...........

WAKAKAKAKKKAKAKAKAKA

but still.....

WHY IS IT SO FREAKING COLD???

*WAILS*

P.S: I NEED TO STOP USING RED FONTS ...LOL

thank you for the song
thank you for still visiting my domain
thank you for giving me the reassurance i needed
to always remind me that God is in control.. always...

for this very reason i will quote a friend who once told me that
everything will be okay even when i have no idea what is going on on the other side

because

there is a little element of faith in it! :)

=)

things that this wild mind has thought of doing but never had the chance or courage to do:

1) run and keep running and never need to stop
2) dance in the rain
3) kiss in the rain (oh cmon! a guy can dream of tht too okaYY..)
4) scream from a hilltop or at a vast field like no one is listening
5) travel the world
6) munch down wasabe
7) open my eyes underwater without goggles
8) touch snow
9) watch the sky snow
10) make lil angels on the snow
11) sing at the top of my voice with my friends (cos i would never do it unless im on stage)
12) ...... and it goes on... i guess

what's the point of this? nothing... just randomness at play...XD

i woke up this morning realizing what i had just done

i made two promises last night and it will be a real challenge to keep to

cos we all know the easy thing is to just curl up, not move, and start whining...

cos there are stil things about the problem that i still dont qite get... things that are yet to be explained.... and its so easy to get pushed off track when these questions arises again and again...



but during devo this morning i stumbled upon this

He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he. Proverbs 16:20

and somehow i knew i need not be afraid... cos if it is happiness that i seek, and stop giving myself a reason to whine, then all i need to do is trust in God... to heed His word... and to always remember His promises over my life...



my mum used to nag me about a single prayer all my life, and somehow i never really came around to it until i landed here... and i guess the time when i was most sincere in that prayer was last night.. cos for the first time, i had no idea who that girl might be anymore...

i would like to think that i know.. but nothing is ever what it seems these days...

i once thought i knew everything.. or rather.. i wanted to know everything.... but it just made things worse..so now i will just rather know nothing... i rather stand back in line and stay in line... so much more simpler... dont have to ask any more questions... just wait for my turn.. and just live my life out loud...

already i can see that God is working in me, as though tugging in my heart, saying hey I provided a way out already.. take it...=) and so yea i am taking it

i have a plan and a purpose over my life, and there is no stopping me now... =)

dear friend, i promised u last night that i will start moving... this bunny takes his first step this morning...

dear me, i promised u last night to start living... this bunny takes his first smile this morning...

dear God, into Your hands i commit my spirit once again...

images.. in my head...
like moving pictures... they display the life of a boy learning to be a man
images... called forth by songs of nostalgia...
images.. rendered by love, hate and everything in between...

today i made 2 promises...
1 to myself that i will start living
the other to a fren that i will start moving

today i made 1 discovery
that i have found my niche... or somewhat something that will be it...its a circle, consisting of amelin, jessica, andrew, david, will and myself and lastly one very special one...

why special u may ask... special because this one will take time... perhaps now all we see is a silhouette of an invisible person... but in time i know it will peal off one by one.... and all will be whole again

to that very special person, if u ever be reading this, thank you for your patience endurance and love... it has been a great inspiration.. really... u made me wanna be a much better person... not for myself...but for God... so as we take our separate journeys from now on... just always rmb that u will never be forgotten...=) and when the day comes that u need a fren, just always rmb i am always here...

to amelin, if you are reading this, only two person in the whole world ever told me that my song got stucked in their heads... a gal called charmaine back in high school... and u..=) and the fact that Chocolate Sundae could be stucked in ur head to the point where it annoys u..lol...i count it a joy and honour..=)

to miss J~!! yoyoyo... lol... u have been a great inspiration and joy... honestly... i always felt at home talking to u... ur stance and ur smile..lol.... its infectious...=) i am glad that u loved the pre-chorus that went "cause it feels like home when i'm with u..." cause it does feel that way when i am with u... so i guess that part of the song is for u then..=)

andrew brotha.... i know you wouldnt be reading this cos u have no idea this exist... but still... ur mouth, to me, is the most fascinating thing... u eat u talk and u sing... and u do all three so well its amazing..... u eat like a cow... joke like the lame and sing like a kareoke box... hehe...kidd...but true! lol.... and us forming a band? why not? but "firm foundations"? as the name? nah... too tacky

giang... if u are reading this... who would have known that we broke our ice talking about that down-tuned guitar of urs... and how we had some common ground after all as "sensitive men" eh? lol... i shall see how spontaneous you would get this sunday...=)

and lastly

will... i know you wouldnt be reading this as well cos u have no idea it exist... but still who would have known u'd turn out to be coincidental pillow buddie...lol.... for all the times we've shared, you have been very interesting... its very interesting how God has used u to teach me lessons that i believe i will rmb for the rest of my life...



today i would like to qoute a few people who got me thru the night

Dada: (paraphrased, very..)
Rmb how you always told me that u never really had frens that last cos u were always transitioning from one skul to the next and from skul to college? so this is no different. frens come and go, richard, always rmb that...

Serene:
but my principle is...no matter where I am, I'll give my all, meet ppl, form emotional connections, love ppl, dislike ppl etc, irregardless of how long/short i'm going to be there

Andrew Ng:
I always believed that birthdays are the best time to bless people


to end it all....
and I quote myself:
it will be the best time ever, this i promise myself..=)


goodnight people....

I was tired of waiting
Playing all the games and
Living in a place that was not for me
So I thought it was time
For me to get what's mine
And to do it all, everything I dreamed
What I thought was the best of me turned to be
All the worst I could find

If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore
If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore

Now I got a feeling
That I've got to leave and
Find a way back to where I came from
Though I don't deserve it
I know it's unheard but
Living here without you, my life is done
I confess that I shouldn't have run from you
Now I know I was wrong

Nowhere to run to
And no one to turn to
I'm dying out here on my own
Long before I even thought of returning
Your arms are wide open
Waiting for me to come home

If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore
If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore

Run To You by Third Day


on the walk home today
i made a promise to myself
i will stop whining

i will stop trying
i will stop running
and start living

and it begins today

i apologize for being so negative in my previous post... i FINALLY sat down with geoffrey today and i had a very honest talk with him... and let's just say the intervention that was looking for happened...=)

so i decided that i am changing my plans for this weekend..=)

so wat if ppl dun really know me... so wat if they wouldnt know how to throw a surprise party for me... so wat if they dun end up meeting wat my grand plans were last time... so wat? =)

richard has a new plan..=D

i dunno how relevant this plan will be... but it will be fun if it happens..=D

on saturday i am going to wake up with a big smile on my face... why? cos i am not going to do any homework that day..lol...

sleep in till 10ish... get up wash up hop on the train and all the way to hoppers crossing i will go...

meet shazza and start having fun with ....well lets just say it will be a surprise..=D very reddd
surprise...=D or brown red..which ever is nicer.. i think..lol

im guessing it will prolli take up the whole day.... if i get the time to kick around or bounce around a bit i guess i will? it really depends i guess...

then i will head back... and i think i wanna meet euric, marc, and muiz for hot chocolate at brunetti's ..=D

then i will call it a night...

then.... hmm...but then HOR... i have another plan... but maybe i cant do this for sunday...hmm oh well i will just tell u...

i will wake up ...with a big fat grin..=D

dress up as planned in the previous post i did before... but the difference happens in church...

i will go to EVERYBODY and offer free hugs !!! =D and shamelessly go around telling em, "its my bday today...wana a free hug??"...LOL...=) i seriously wanna do tht...=)

and then i may go for a movie.. but i wouldnt go alone.. i will bring some of my frens... stil thinking who to call tho...hehe...

erm after tht we will go to a japanese restaurant..!! why?? cos i wanna play that sushi chant song game thingie... (lat lat sau si) =D i mean like WE HAVE TO PLAY IT...lol... i am gonna go crazy that day...hehe....just have to make sure tht every one tht comes can speaking cantonese i guess..hehe....

then comes the most random part of the night. i wanna go to a park.... lay down a mat... everyone lie down on it...staring at the clear night sky.... and scream...lol like seriously SCREAM..=) like there is no tmr... like we are free.... i know i wanna shout that "I AM FREE...!!!!".....=D

go home after tht and talk my parents online... wave at max...sleep

i will stop whining and start living... =) it will be the best time ever, this i promise myself..=)

but then... who am i gonna invite? hmm..... will u come? =)

Genesis 22:8
Abraham said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” So the two of them walked on together.

we all know the story. God promised abraham that he will be father of many nations yet He asked abraham to sacrifice his only son. God is weird isnt He? but we all know how the story ended... just when he was about to plunge the dagger into his son's chest, God intervened...

i just feel i need an intervention... i need a clean slate...

my dad always recognized a problem in me... that i have no staying power...

sometimes i feel that is the story of my life... i just cant stay in a thing long enough...i give up.. too easily... i cant love someone long enough... i cant commit myself to something ong enough... i cant focus on my task long enough... i cant walk this walk and talk this talk long enough... somehow someway i will just stray away... and i hate it...i seriously hate it... and i wanna change... i wanna stop this hypocrisy...

but then when i think about it... as much as i lack staying power...God always did intervene... i am where i am today... not by my own strength.. this i know very well... it has always been God at work.. never me... but i tend to take the credit in the end..."wah... richard very good ah.." , " wah, you design wan ah? so nice.." , " wah.... richard sure can wan la..." wah this wah that... and it gets to u i guess...horns grow... altho i do grind them all the time... but yea...God always made a way... and His promises never failed....

something happened last night...

it was ministry night and pastor was trying to get us to exercise our gifts in God... but i just felt so shitty that night i didnt wanna do anything... i just felt like a monster... and mind u, i dont simply use words i dont mean... i really felt like a monster.. and i kept asking God why He even bother about me... i keep running away... running away from who i know i can be... or rather i keep getting distracted...it just crazy... i wrote like so many unposted drafts here on this blog this whole week... all too negative to show anyone...

but it came to a point in the night... where we had to pair up and start praying for one another... for some strange reason i ended up with zai ming... i really didnt wanna pray for him... like i said i felt shitty so why would i wanna pray for anybody? but i did... and a word came.."what is ur heart?"... i dunno how relevant that was and so i just asked him what was his heart? he answered and i prayed... i didnt really know what i was doing... all i know is that i said to God, i said, if you can use anything u can use me, i guess... and so i prayed... i dun rmb what i said... but i guess part of me did let go... and when i was done... i looked up.. he looked at me and smiled... he said that he felt that there was power when i prayed... i was like what?? haha...he said he felt it... i dinno what to do i just sat back down.. continued to be shitty...

and then it came to a point where pastor wanted to pray for claudia... for her lady patient, the lady with cancer and her lil boy... and as the church prayed... suddenly i felt this burden... again... like the one i felt when i prayed for wil that sunday morning.... again it burned... and again i wanted to cry... astho i could feel the burden within claudia for this mother and child.... i wanted to walk over to her and ask if i can pray with her... but i didnt... and pastor went on to testimony time so i just let it slip...

and its funny how God tries to put together a story for me tht night.. claudia went out to share how she blessed this homeless man with the only 20 dollars she had left in her pocket... and i was reminded bout the 20 dollars i had gave to that homeless lady...but then i suddenly remembered that the 20 dollars wasnt mine...

during the first two weeks of my sem i actually got picked to take a trial english test.. it was a study to see how effective it was... and i was one of the "test subjects".... only those who went and take the DELA this year would be eligible to take this trial test... marc and euric was kinda laughing at me that i would waste my time on lousy pathetic english tests like DELA... but i did... and i got picked for the trial... and i got PAID to take the test... 25 dollars...

and i ws like... hey! that 20 dollars you gave her wsnt yours at all... God provided so tht u could provide... perhaps my faith rose abit there

then AJ came out and testified how his cell prayed for this new couple who came from UK and the guy was looking for a job but he couldnt... cos of the recession... and after they prayed... the guy came back to cell saying that he had THREE job offers at his doorstep... i teared... i dunno why i did but i did...

i was talking to serene last night on msn... i just told her, i said, i just dont wanna go thru the whole uprooting process again... its just...gah... no fun?? and if i am not going to be able to have some form of hope and future here, then wats the point in making grounds here anyway... when all i will be doing is uprooting myself again to go back to msia...

honestly, all i got rite now is the youth at RCC... they are my family and i think i am starting to love em... like seriously... cos they are all i got... and if i were to be uprooted again then wats the point... gah...

i guess i just need assurance of that my future is secured, no matter what happens... i think too much i know...

i gues i just hate building ties and having to break em again... i mean i already did it once... i dont wanna go thru it again...

but for now, really, all i wanna do is get thru my first semester...

but wait.. theres something else i wanna say... i think God is doing something.. whether i see it or not... i mean like... writing this post itself i already teared a few times ( and i actually teared trice watching my big fat greek wedding yesterday...lol) especially when i was talking about abraham and how God intervened... i guess i just need one...

but i do know or rather i can sense that something is happening... with each new day i am changing...something is happening... like how at the end of the service and edwin wanted us to pray as a cell... and coincidentally i got him as a partner... i reletaed to him how i had these burdens for ppl's need... and he told me how i hit the dot when i prayed for him... i was like for real/?? and he said he wans me to start going out to pray for youths next time whenever they have an alter call... at the back of my mind i was like whoah.. hold on... i'd rather sing over him than pray over him...lol....but we'll see how it goes....me? prayer guy? maybe...

but for now, i just really need to get back on track... i was looking at my barchart i made for myself early this sem... and i was like... gosh... the next 6 weeks are going to be hell... like seriously loads to do... feeling stressed already....

staying power...staying power... staying power....

i still havent got a chance to go easter chocolate eggs shopping tho...darn.... and today is anzac day... which means all marketing plans have to be cancelled cos QV market is closed... so much for shopping theraphy... lol

TADA~!

YES RICHARD IS TOO FREE, INSTEAD OF RESTING HE IS MAKING NEW HEADERS FOR HIS BLOG...

AND THAT'S NOT THE ONLY NEW THING...

WHAT IS IT?

COMING TO YOUR MC-53 BLOG

3RD MAY 1988

BE PREPARED... BE VERY PREPARED...

LOL...

lm says:
check AP
got news
MC-53 Rossi-nated says:
wat about
good news?
lm says:
submission extended to tmr
yea
and he will discuss in class today
MC-53 Rossi-nated says:
tmr is submission lar
lm says:
and there wont b class tomorrow
sorry
to wednesday
MC-53 Rossi-nated says:
u mean wed
lol
YAY


( are u ready? )

*sniffle sniffles*

YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY~~~!!!!!!

THANK YOU LORD~! HALLELUJAH! AMEN!

WWWEEEEEEEEEEE~~~!!!!!!

i tell u if there isnt an extension i can just dig a hole and put my head inside and die.....

SO HAPPY NOW

HEE~!

ok back to work

.......... *grumble mumble sniffle sniff* =D

am i destroying more than i am building?
have i been building sand castles of imagination and fascination?
while destroying the very pillar of love that has been with me all these while?

funny how a few hours can change things for u
cos a few minutes changed things for me
it has nothing to do with you either
but everything to do with me
and for some strange reason i find myself falling into the abyss again
for some strange reason i am filled with shades of gray again...

how long more will this charade of puppet fools last?
where mindless actors strut and where heartless dancers sway
how long more will this parade of emotions march?
into every street and niche into every corner and zone

i am losing myself all over again...
i just wish my sand castle will not be this feeble...
i just wish my resolution will be stronger...

into Your hands i commit my spirit once again
and as i lay to rest
mend the broken-hearted
and comfort those who mourn

i don't wanna be a monster all over again...please

i believe my life is full of background music... seriously... like there is a song for every moment and every second...

like this morning before i left for church, the background music was

The One by Planetshakers

when i arrived at church....i met that smile... that all familiar smile..=) but i guess i got distracted by the scarf...its just so pretty...lol...couldn't help but wonder how ugly mine is compared to that..haha

anyway, i walked into hall and by then the background music was

Whatever that was on the P&W songlist this morning by RCC

and when we entered free worship and the keyboardist went playing weird things that are just wrong, the background music was

Errrr.....Can U Play Properly? by Richard Lee

followed by

Cricket Sounds by My Annoyed Imagination

but of course i tried to be less bothered and focus on God...

but one thing tho during the alter call, i just felt God tugging in my heart... reminding me of the people around me... and how i should be a light around them... He reminded me of my friend back in Malaysia and how i brought him to Christ but didnt bothered to follow up enough and now he is in trouble... ahh... =(

so i wrote all of their names and went upfront to put em into the box... i just knew God will teach me what to do i guess... i was like how??? especially now im SO worked up by my research paper! .... but then... how He got me started this morning was super random...

Wil went out to pray for his family's salvation, i dunno if tht's the case but im sure... and suddenly, i just felt this big burden fall upon me to pray for his parents... and the words "dont give up" just burned so hard i wanted to cry... i knew then that i had to pray for him... again i hesistated...i kept asking if its really God or is it just me... silly ya i know...lol..... and so i went to him and asked if i could pray for him... but before i did i just told him that i felt very strogly that God is saying dont give up...and as i said it i coldnt help myself, i cried...GOSH...they were not even my own parents, why am i crying??? lol.....but this has happened before... somehow i felt, for that moment, the burden of their hearts, and in this case it was wil's heart... but i am a man u see, so i sucked it in...lol....

one thing tho... small things like these are evidence that Richard is learning to let go already... Richard is now learning to bless and be blessed in church...so, yay!!

after that came the packing of the instruments, i had to help with the arrangement of the tables and chairs for step classes too, and the background music of that time was

Heigh-Ho [from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs] by Disney

XD

then after that someone annoyed me, like really... lol.... i was like fine! dont tell me then... i don't need to know since it SO not urgent... XD and the background music then was

Mumbles and Gibberish by My Annoyed Imagination



but every story needs a happy ending doesn't it?

so the walk home was

Im walking on sunshine , wooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
Im walking on sunshine, woooah
and dont it feel good!!

Walking On Sunshine by Katrina and The Waves




=)

.............................. now back to work.......................

its 5.30am

before i slept i prayed.. i say God please help me wake up... and He did... i ended waking up scolding because i was just so mad.. i opened my eyes, looked at the time, ah....just nice... but i dont feel so good tho..nevertheless, im awake, thats all that matters...

i checked... silence... and i guess im not surprised. sometimes i wonder if i am even needed. i browsed thru jess's facebook picture and arrived at the photo album where they were at some airport farewell... and i cant help but wonder....what was life like before MC-53? before i happened... before i existed...

last night i found myself in the place of silence too. i sat there observing. i watched. i dunno why i didnt speak. but i chose to stay silent. i chose to watch. coz perhaps i just wanted some time alone. but i looked at rueben and rach and i wondered.. i looked at matt and i wondered. i looked at jess and i wondered... its just...gah... again... the same question.. what was life like before MC-53...

rmb that night when cathy was talking to me about the whole visa thing and how i might hav to go back and how i questioned if i have a hope and a future here? well i guess the question never left... i guess everyday i still wake up subconsciously asking myself tht question...

i guess i ask myself tht question even more every time i see what is in that box and what has overflowed...you know, my heart smiled... when i noticed that silver star on that lil blue notebook last night, oh yes it was there, what good timing... and i just knew that life was beaming before MC-53, surely this heart will shine on after MC-53... and when i came home, i checked, and i saw that an angel appeared and so, i smiled again, knowing that there is more grace and love in this bucket full of sunshine than any amount of tears that can ever fill. so yea, shine on, you o bucket full of sunshine...for every golden star that you choose to give away... it will not be in vain...

its a humbling experience when God puts u back in your place. i guess i am stil finding my place... but i just dunno how... and to a certain degree it scares me... yet i know i am thinking way too much... but then again, time and time again im reminded of how unready i am for all this... time and time again i am reminded to let go... and focus on the price ahead... time and time again i am reminded to appreciate beauty for beauty and smiley for smiley (whatever that meant..lol) ...and not to jump ahead of myself...and not jump ahead of God...to remember my place... and surrender the rest to God on my knees....

so yea i guess its okay...

MC-53 can smile on his own, with God by my side

my eyes are heavy
but my heart isnt ready

i want to speak
but the words wouldnt escape

my mind is silent
but my thoughts just wouldnt rest

i want to dream
and let it all slip away

go to a place where there is no time
a place where there is no reason

a place where i wouldnt think so much
a place where i wouldnt need to feel as much

where'd you go, you o sanity
where'd you go, you o sanity

......


but yet
in the midst of these
my heart smiles
cos i guess
i know You are smiling down on me

and perhaps somewhere out there
you are smiling with me too

so my heart will continue smiling
and maybe when tmr comes
our smiles will meet again


(oh my gosh.......what am i yepping.....?........this bunny needs sleep........lol)

=)

goodnight

first thing...

noticed that if u leave a post alone long enough it will fetch more comments...somehow..lol.... er.. not tht it matters...

second thing...

I WANNA GO EASTER CHOCOLATE EGGIES SHOPPING...!!

third thing...

i was thinking.. and i realized i admitted to paranoia for no good reason... no i WASNT being paranoid... you pulled me aside and said u wanna tel me something, paused, hesitated and said u will tel me some other time...so of cos i'd be waiting for a reply... cos u wanted to tel me something.... but ah well...one word... misunderstanding..

moving on.

forth thing...

i hate you, you o procrastination.... because of you i cant go easter chocolate eggie shopping..hmph! (im being a big baby i know....) and now i have to sit here like a panic bunny on crack trying to sit still but he cant cos he has a dateline to meet but at the same time he has to go uni to meet frens for another uni work and later tonight to pastor's house for dinner and tmr for church and later for step class and...and.....AAAAHHHHHHHHH....!!!!!

i can almost predict the remake of CONFESSIONS OF A STRESSED OUT BUNNY all over again...


***


but well when all is said and done

fifth thing...

thank you for half-emptied pawns and random mining holes...
thank you for violins, guitars and dramas in the night...
thank you for enchanted picnics and melted easter eggs hunts...
thank you for seconds and thirds and maybe a forth, who knows?
thank you for patience, tolerance, and evil schemes of annoyance...
thank you for smileys, sugar, spice and everything nice...

most importantly,

"....thank you for the music,
the songs im singing.
thanks for all the joy they're bringing
who can live without it
i ask in all honesty
what would life be
without a song or a dance what are we?
so i say thank you for the music
the songs you gave to me..."

all of u made things that bit interesting... =)

last thing...

things are starting to feel normal again... last night was comfortable... i didnt have the stress to talk to anyone, neither did i had the stress if i didnt talk to anyone... but like i said, i guess its good that i broke the ice with amelin and jess... especially with jess...lol.... we click i guess.... uh... but yea i know... they're all gals....bummer..(im "SO" sincere here..XD...) .... but one thing tho... ed.... i need to crack tht nut.... cos no point being in a cell yet u dunno ur own cell leader.... ah.... but i dunno how to start... in time i guess...

anyway...

i better get back to work...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

toodles~!

Day 18 Till That Day

i have to be honest

when i sat there next to Jessica and when she told me that hers is already around the corner, i had not the faintest idea or thought about mine at all..it is as though it is not important, as though i have forgotten all about it...

and when she asked me about mine.. i just blurt out mine to her without an ounce of emotion or care or anything at all... i was just oblivion to what could be coming next...

and when she drew the connection and pointed out that hers is so close to mine, then only i realized that hey! its April already... oh yea.... it ....is.... great i guess........

***

i guess ever since i came here, i tried not to think about it... i always had grand plans... yes i did... that doesnt make me girly kayy... and did i mention i thought about how and where i wan my wedding to be? lol.... yes richard is unusual...

but as i was saying... yea i did have plans... like how anita and shazza did it... i wanted the same too... only now things are different... it wouldnt happen, not at all, not anymore...

and i dont expect anything from people... although we all do, dont we? but then i choose not to or rather i convince myself not to cause i know that since i dont bother doing anything for people all along why should i expect the same from others? same same... i accepted that fact of life long ago...

so i made plans..of my own...

since no one knows, i will just keep it that way... kinda weird isnt it going around shouting the date to everyone? lol.... so yea i will just do it all in silent... the heart knows, and that's all that matters...

i guess what i can do is... hmmm....

i will wake up with a smile on my face...

breathe the air of the day...

say a lil prayer for myself...

go for a nice warm bath...

put on that deodorant...

put on that black topmen baseball T aling got me...

put on the pair of jeans i bought with grace at singapore...

that new jumper that is on the way to me now from my family...

that new pair of socks from FOS i bought with aling...

that pair of red and blue nike shoes i bought days before 15th of Feb...

grab my Creative Zen X-Fi that i bought with my love offerings i received back home...

turn to katy perry, my very first album grace bought for me while we were complaining how lousy singapore cinemas are...

slop in my wallet, my motorola v9 ( i dont hate it as much now)

and finally, i guess, would be my very first gold chain passed on from my grandfather to my dad and my dad to me... i know its out of fashion... but i know i wouldnt care...

the result of my dressing that morning would be this mismatch of different clothings... haha... but i dont care... because its what they mean to me that matters...

i will just go to church... worship God and thank Him for the day... thank Him for His faithfulness... have lunch...

and i guess if nothing crops up after that i will take the tram down to Melbourne Central and catch a show... i need at least watch A show... lol....

then maybe go down to safeway... grab a AUD1.90 chocolate muffin and grab one of those wax sticks with a string in them thingie and check out from the cashier and probably head home...

have dinner with cathy and desmond... reside to my room...watch prison break again i guess... most probably my parents would wanna video call me... probably max would be there too... i honestly dun wanna think about this part....

***

and then .... after that i will be doing something... i think... im not telling tho...keke....

***

then i guess when the night is over, i will switch off the lights, light up the room with my lil muffin and that wax stick thingie...sing a song... make a wish... blow the off the light... eat my muffin... brush my teeth... go to bed... say a lil prayer for you... sleep...

***

its not such a bad idea... please dont look at me with cute puppy dog eyes...

every bird has to learn to fly on its own... and since this year marks my transition from childhood to adulthood... i will do just that... i will learn to fly on my own... =)


and i pray God will give me the strength to fly on my own...

***

Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus

Take My Life by Third Day

When you pursue Him, you are brought back to your real image in Him

i know these words didnt come out of Pastor Russell's mouth for no good reason.. because the moment it was spoken.. it pierced straight into my heart...

im not going to talk too long cos i had a LONG day and i do have ALOT to say but they can wait...

but i just know that God is out there... today, tonight, i am reminded again of His grace upon my life... and that i have no need to fear... for greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world... i can do this... i can get out of this...

i love You =)
goodnight

i can hear bagpipes playing...

its probably from the nearby church...they're having something on...

its like an automatic background music that just activated

right when i noticed that bucket full of tears placed at the corner of my mind...

that bucket full of tears that i can say nothing to...

that bucket full of tears that i know im not allowed to carry...

that bucket full of tears that i know i cannot empty...

....

because, just as the bagpipe has stopped playing...

so has my words, sealed from speaking...

so has my heart, refrained from beating...

and my mind, silenced from screaming...

but i know somehow it is for the better...

somehow i know we will be stronger...

so hang on, bucket full of tears... God hears and i know He will not allow you to mess up...

rmb God is in the details... even to the very detail of your emotion and fear and every uncertainty... we are all under the palm of His hands, arent we? =)


and if it means anything at all...
just rmb that somewhere out there...



someone is praying with u too...



silently, patiently, faithfully...

and i know one day you will stand before all man

no longer a bucket full of tears


but a bucket full of sunshine... =)

You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol

this is an excerpt from the lyrics:

You could be happy
I hope you are
You made me happier
Than I'd been by far

Somehow everything
I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment
It's all not true

Do the things
That you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back
Don't think, just do

More than anything
I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite
Out of the whole world

****

this is for you

you know who you are
and i know who am i

as i take my bow, i leave this stage
you must stay on and you must shine

always rmb you are beautiful the way you are
and as i let go i will be praying with u from afar
with every silent whisper we'll make it thru the night
coz i know one day broken pieces will be whole again
coz i know one day everything will be alright

till that day comes, i will be holding on
to love, faith, hope and redemption's song
for no greater love can amend what has been wronged
but the love of Jesus Christ, that's where we belong

the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

P.S. -
If you think this is for you,
It's probably not..
If you know this is for you,
It very well is..

"I Not Stupid"

i am tired

very tired

both mentally and physically tired

but i am pretty sure i am not spiritualy tired..at least not now..=)

physically..coz i didnt get much sleep last night and i had to endure what feels like a really long journey from creswick all the way back here.. it makes your body feel nausious..and i really need to sleep

mentally.. coz... well lets just say i had to face a lot of my demons these few days.. and it sorta built to a climax last night.. it is exhausting i tell u

fear of rejection is the biggest demon ever right now.. it makes me doubt myself.. doubt whether i am being myself..doubt whether i will find myself in this place...doubts and more doubts... fears and more fears...

its really stupid to come to think of it

very

and yes i do feel stupid...

i dunno... this never happened before back home... "fear of rejection" never ever crossed my mind before..but now, suddenly, it blows up at my face..what do u expect me to do? face it ... yes i face it everyday...

last night when i was all alone in my room, i sat there on my bed and i just started to talk to myself.. i do that alot..haha... i will speak out loud..astho ther is really someone there.. but erm... why am i talking about this? haha

but one thing i know for sure... i am an uncertainty avoidance person.. i avoid uncertainties... in everything that i do if i know i am not in control i go really jumpy... i lose all sense of reason... and its in such cases where i really need to chill... thats why i hate last minute work.. my mind just go blank every time i do

and last night during the jam with the guys... my mind just went blank... i lost all mood to play.. i just knew that i had to go somewhere to be alone... and so i walked out... i felt stupid... but i didnt know how to deal with my stupidness.. so i had to walk away...

i dont understand why am i so weak here all of the sudden

maybe all along i have been putting on a mask

but i know i cannot hold it up for long

i am not that strong

but in any case i am letting go.. i am.. but i just have my weak moments.. thats all...

but i tell you one thing..=) God doesnt allow me to be down for too long..haha..somehow someway He will show me truths and remind me again and again that we are in the palm of His hands.. and most oftenly He does it in very subtle and very playful ways too sometimes...like now

cos u know what happened? i sorta just decided to go check out my regular devo website. and the devo topic for the day was

Jesus Saves The Stupid

how random is that?

=) i love You

everyday i sit around waiting
but waiting for what
for change?
but change will not happen unless you move
and you know that
but you choose to sit around instead
and as the chair rocks back and forth
swinging away all the precious bit call time
when the beat stops
and colours fade
only the bare naked view
as the veil is torn down
and the scales removed
the bare naked view remain
a skeleton of the truth
an artifact of unfinished memories
a place where flesh and bones dissolves
a moment where
everythng within you screams
and the resonance so resounds
within the corners of ourselves
this is where you break
this is where you break into pieces


so You can make us whole once again
for we were all saved to save
we were all filled to fill
we were all emptied to be emptied again
because of what You have done on the cross
today
we can say
Father, into Your hands, i commit my spirit, once again

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

You'll Come, Hillsong Australia

i have been thinking about that song matt songled on on sunday morning... the shout hallelujah song...=)

coz i wanna do the same thing now..LOL =DD

it was a blissful tuesday afternoon when lil richard has handed in his only submission of the week at the student centre. he was already dreaming and wondering what to expect out of MSO.. and he sat there in the middle of the lecture hall, waiting eagerly for marc to step thru the doors, cause richard really wanted to tease him with the complimentary ticket he got in his hands... XD

but then it had to turn sour..annemarie came waltzing in and almost immediately said, "it came to our attention that some of us were caught plagiarizing.."

it wasnt much of a concern of course... but then as she went on elaborating what is CONSIDERED plagiarism and how 15 students actually got a ZERO for the whole outline... lil richard's heart dropped, rolled down and over the stairs, and as annemarie took a step front, her inzy bitzy feet squashed it...*SPLAATT*

you see, the week before lil richard submitted his outline for his theories research paper. it was really just a list of questions that needed answers.. and it was really what we were told to do... answer the questions... simple... so i did.. .and i AM VERY SURE ALOT MORE OF THE STUDENTS DID THE SAME TOO..HMPH..!!

and because the impression given was it was such an informal paper, i put no reference at all.. it was just words with zero foot note zero reference... so i just sat there and listened to her blabber and how APPARENTLY the uni has this machine that can scan your paper and automatically detect piagarism thru this mega database in its system... i was like DIE LOH....

but really it isnt much to be worried about... after all the outline only amounts to like 3.2% of my 100% in the end.. but still... i SPENT SO MUCH ENERGY ON IT..REMEMBERRR??? THE TORTUROUS WEEK U PUT ME THRU AND NOW U GIVING ME A ZEROOO??

=( big time =((

and whats worst is that annemarie is incharge of my research topic.. theres a few tutors and each one will take up a few topics to mark.. and annemarie is marking mine... i was like... im so dead... since she is so particular and vigilant and strict ...i-am-so-dead...

so i came to tutorial today expecting a zero already... see how fast i gave up? LOL i told myself if it wasnt a zero it will probably be very miserably low... after all i got a H2B for my annotated bibliography... (highest is H1 then H2A then H2B...then wateva that comes next i dont care coz im not going to get them...XD) since she was so fussy with just my bibliography i was very sure she wouldnt be too impressed with my outline...

guess what? =)

H1~!!!!

***jumps around like a lil bunny on glucose overdosed due to excessive intake of chocolate easter eggs ***

my first reaction was like... " oh thank GOD.."

=DDDD

but seriously... I-HATE-REFERENCING..UR-A-PAIN..

but for now

***continues to jump around like a lil bunny on glucose overdosed due to excessive intake of chocolate easter eggs ***

The Road Called Swanston and the Little Portion of St Kilda

The Road Called Swanston and the Little Portion of St Kilda is what basically defines my evening today...

why?

cause i walked... from uni all the way to MSO...it was like a horror story building to a climax and finally leading to the orchestrated resolution Like literally.

how?

.....i.....really need to pee... brb...

*ssshhhhhhhh* *shh* *shh* *sh*
.........*zzziippp*
(grossed out? well, no one told u to imagine it..XD..)

how u say?

well its simple... cause i was just exaggerating... but let just say i had a better look at melbourne...

why was it building to a climax? well it was something like watching a society turn bad and complex and weird and all of the sudden they're civilized again...i will elaborate more next time when im more inspired...

but first... MSO~!!

Melbourne Symphony Orchestra... i walked all the way down to see them... it wasn't a big thing going on... just some small show featuring this guy Richard Gill who is really like that nutty professor from Back to the Future and how this other fella Dvorak composed his musical masterpiece...

one word stood out tonight.. tooty...or something like that... i cant rmb wat is it about but Gill sure used it alot... i was honestly more intrigued by the architecture of the hall...XD

but the music was done very well... i could just appreciate it for the fact of it having so many layers of overlapping melodies and rhythm that the collision is so seamless and ...perfect? it was so good it will put u to sleep..in a good sense.. lol....

and i met nicole.. deb deb's sister... and i was abit startled to find that she is so young.. haha... maybe i always had this impression that deb is older than how she looks.. i told her its gotta be the local food..lol... and it sorta became an inside joke..

anyway.. the theory does not work, im sure, cos look at ppl like nita and shazza..*gasps* XD

okay people

DAYLIGHT SAVING ALREADY STARTED

so meaning... i am now TWO HOURS ahead of u... no more three hours... bare that in mind..hehe

and oh... this week is waiting-for-easter-to-happen week..=))

so im pretty excited..

GOD IS GOOD

goodnight

I don't wanna be afraid,
I don't wanna run away
I don't wanna be evaded
It's more than I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading!!!
Just Let go!
Let go! Just Let go! (I don't wanna be afraid)
Let go! (I don't wanna be afraid)
Just let go!

Let Go by Red

Father,

into Your Hands i commit my spirit
let me focus on what really matters
i came here for a reason and a purpose
and perhaps i missed the mark
but today You set it straight again
today my line of sight is clear

yes it was all foolishness
from the very word that i spoke
till the very last step that i took
pure foolishness

but here i am letting go
reaching as i fall
i have nothing left to lose
loving You again
cause its already over now

but let each day be a new life in You
let each moment a blessing from You
and as i am filled
You will empty me again

Into Your Hands i commit my spirit

today turned out interesting

very

i went out to Queen Victoria Market for the first time today with Marc.. he has been there a thousand times more than i so he was a natural guide...

and i found myself another person.... it was like SO cheap.. cos today is like to closing day for the wek. QV market doesnt open again till tuesdays.... so everything must go... they were even selling boxes of vege for ONE DOLLAR.... my eyes was like gleamering already.. first time i find myself so excited over what? grocery shopping... *do the penguin clap* hehe...

there were like so many cute-sy stuff to buy... like...baby cabbage..baby potato ... baby tomatoes..=DD....!!!

in the end i bought gourmet sausages for 4 dollars and 1kg baby potato for 1 dollar...WAH...lol...hehehehe...so happy..=)

then i decided i still had time.. so Marc and i parted ways and i went back to my usual shopping place which is at Coles ...wait....was it Safeway? erm...dont care.. just "this" place.. either one the two...at Barkley Square..which is like under 5 minute cycle from my home...

on the way there i saw everything as it was... it was very normal... people were walking cycling playing running doing their aussie thing.. walking their useless dogs...walking back with their shopping carts....one old lady was lying down on the grass sleeping....its all very normal...

or so i thought

so i arrived at the supermarket.. parked and locked my bike.. and went shopping~!! again...lol

i bought many things... or i try to control myself... bought bean sprouts for as supplements for the potatoes salad.. erm... tomatoes... and baby tomatoes... (which were of course more expansive but i decided to indulge myself..ehehe..) i remembered that im almost out of milk...but i hardly ever do touch it...but what the heck, i just bagged it... i bought more cheese...bread...hmm should i get two loafs? ah what the heck i should bag it coz after all i am shopping for two weeks.. and the breads should last me till then if i have two loafs.. i bought..juice..and also i decided to pamper my taste buds with some lemonade...

oh oh !!! deodorant .... jeng jeng jeng ~! LOL

and i noticed how ambiguious their marketing tactics are.. like rexona power..rexona sport...rexona extreme..all a bunch of nonsense... when i read the label.. the descriptions is always the same, but according to the "name" the last sentence varies like " the extra edge you need for SPORTS.." or like "because MEN sweat more than women, this is for EXTREME conditions.." bla bla bla...

so i happily pushed my cart to the counter, checked out my stuff and headed for the bike..hopped on and cycled back...

everything was the same... natural... people staring at me and wondering why am i cycling on a non-cycling path... people navigating thru the roads under one of the most ridiculous road systems i have ever seen in the world ( but that is a whole other topic on its own )... people in trams people getting off trams people waving down trams...

but something was awfully the same.. the old lady

and i realized when i cycled pass that she was one of the homeless... she wasnt relaxing... she simply had no other reason to stand .. so might as well sleep.... her dressing was well enough..with proper clothes and shoes.. but it was dirty and crumbled... her hair was messy.. and she curled up lying there in the coldness of the day.. trust me, if ur not used to it.. it can be cold..

and then i cycled on.. thinking should i stop? and pass her something? ah..if only i kept her in mind i could have bought the chicken!! i did wanna buy a chicken after all... roasted chicken... for chicken sandwich but decided not to..ah! if only i did, i thought... so i sorta cycled back but she was on my mind the whole time...

during the journey i was like gee richard... all of the sudden u are so aware of these people...this is after all australia.. i remember during my first few visits to RCC and they were under the pressure of the bush fire and the songleader, Edwin, asked the church to pray for the country... the great southern land..yada yada yada.. i just stood there.. i felt so cold.. cos maybe this is not my country? i dont feel anything for them? mean, i know but thats the truth.. i felt nothing... i hardly really did pray that morning for the country...

but things changed

suddenly at the traffic junction before my apartment i remembered last night anita announcing to the youths that we are going to do something exciting pretty soon to put our faith to exercise.. Ed then elaborated in our cell saying that the youth committee is planning to get us to go out to the community and share God with them.. like soup kitchens or anything like that... i was like.. really? would i be able to do it? seriously...

and there at the junction i was like...yeah... i can... and i should... i mean how rare is this? i get the opportunity to do something for God and its staring at me right at the face and i missed it cause i have nothing in my cart that i can give...

funny how i arrived at the front doors of the lobby of my apartement that when i got down and turned to look at my bike basket and i found the answers staring at me...

the extra bread and milk!!

then the questions came... should i should i?? i just kept on asking myself should i? but i pushed the bike out onto the road again and started the cycle back towards her.. i kept asking should i...

this isnt the first time i am giving food to the homeless.. i have done this before back home and i never regret passing the simple pau to the begger... the gratitude in his eyes was all the confirmation i needed to know that i did the right thing.. bt this time i questioned myself

at the same traffic junction somehow God answered again...

remember The Dessert Song? i quoted from it last night.. well the song ends with a verse that goes:

this is my prayer in the harvest
when favour and providence flow
i know im filled to be emptied again
the seed i have received i will sow

and there and then i got so filled i almost cried.. again..gosh! i have been experiencing this this whole week... haha... but yea.. at that point of time i suddenly remembered that this whole week God has helped me... i could have just let go and stop believing in myself but He sustained me and thats why my week is so nice now... cause i have His favour and His providence.. and like the song says... i am filled to be emptied again, the seed i received i will sow...and so why not? =)

and so i prayed all the way.. i prayed that God will show her that people in this world still cares.. and that God loves her very much.. but honestly i was afraid that she will shoo me away cos i may be demeaning her by giving her food.. i dunno... so i just prayed.. when i reached her she was pretty awake but she kept her eyes closed.. i got down.. took out hte bread and the milk and put em into a plastic bag.. i slid it 20 dollars.. and left it beside her... i didnt really know what to do.. should i wake her up or just leave it there...

i just left it there..

i got up turned around and noticed a cyclist passed by... he saw what happened and looked at me and smiled..and it was that smile that gave me the confirmation i needed... i did the right thing..and so i got on my bike and cycled away

and at that point i knew that i am ready... bring it on... =) i feel like the richard that i once knew is coming back to life again... and im excited to see what else God will pour my way... =)

i decided to be funny today

so.........



thats my morning face... wait... its NOT exactly morning... its like 12.12pm already... so i have slept for 12 hours..wow... lol

notice the pimple on my face??? =( yea, big time =( ...haha...

lemme tell u guy what i found out this whole week...hehe

DISCOVERY #1 : THE BUNNY SURVIVED
yeah, AMAZING aint it? so many times i thought i can just lie down and die..LOL....okay... over-exaggerating there but still.. it is true... this week was SO SO tough...i had major submission for every single one of my subject....and all of them was like so complicated...

ANYWAY

DISCOVERY #2 : CONFESSION OF A STRESSED OUT BUNNY
i realized that this would make a great movie~! LOL....seriously... starring Richard Lee Mun Chun..wow....and FAST AND FURIOUS IS COMING TO TOWN~!!!!! *gleaming eyeballs* wanna watch...but SO EXPANSIVE... i miss Golden Screen Cinemas and REASONABLE student rates...

DISCOVERY #3 : THAT WEIRD FELLA AT UNI
during my last day and night at uni... i was at my comlab all along... AND u know the freakiest thing?? theres this dude that w...(wait, did i just say dude? anita!! what u doin to me?.. and ...OH OH... change topic...i have a better discovery to tell u first..!)

REVISED DISCOVERY #3 : THAT WEIRD AUSSIE THING
i realized that there are alot of weird aussie stuff that we dont do back home... like...

DUDE...anita u use this way too much... but the thing is its so normal to u... to the point it kind of nullifies the feling that its inauthentic... cos back home, the usage of DUDE... is like... pretentious... u only use it if ur being funny or if u reall have an identity crisis and wanna be one of those american rap stars..LOL

BOOYA... this is from shazza.. erm guys , shazza means sharon.. its kinda like a nickname these aussie ppl made for her..notice how i say 'aussie ppl'? LOL ANYWAY... its just something else we wouldnt use...not ever

HIGH FIVE....like what? i remember being in church for the first time and the MC went ike lets goaround and say hi to everyone ad give the a high five... for a moment i was like what?? erm... u sure?? LOL...cos its just SO awkward.. but we had it again last night.. i just tagged along... it rubs onto u i guess after a while... but THEN i found out that joanna and joshua (a msian and indon) both fond it weird too.. so i sorta tot..instead of going around high five-ing... we could just stop, stand, stare, smile, walk away..LOL..

SPORK.....yes it EXIST... its smart combination of the spoon and the fork, hence the spork..i remember in one of my farewell dinners at The Garden, 1U ... and i accidentally said spork instead of fork.. all of u fella were having a jolly good time laughing at me...WELL i was RIGHT. it does exist.. i was just having a pre-aussie moment!! haha.. so to all those who laughed, in the words of shazza, BOO-YA..XD

okay thats all for now... i will tell u more if i ever come across sumthing

DISCOVERY #4 : THAT WEIRD FELLA AT UNI
during my last day and night at uni... i was at my comlab all along... AND u know the freakiest thing?? theres this dude that was there since like 5pm thursday... he stayed there ALL night even till the morning.. doing what? watching youtube... all night. i mean like what?? and he wasnt exactly the most perfect looking guy... imagine this, fat, round, obnoxious, certainly smelly, geeky, china man face. (oh gosh im being so mean..) but yea... he is just weird.. whole night he was just laughing and sometimes he even talks... like astho he is talking to somebody... i cant be certain cos it all just mumbles.. but imagine in a room alone with this fella..*awkward moment* exactly...

ANYWAY

DISCOVERY #5 : DEODORANTS
i realized that if im gonna continue all this all nighter thingie at uni... i could seriously use some deodorant.. imagine having spent the whole day in a stuff comlab and you need to stuff urself into a crowded lift with a fairly beautiful girl next to u..and suddenly u realize u smell...why? cos u havent been bathing the whole day and prolly the day before too...( i know Keng, go ahead and say eewww)

yes, first thing on my shopping list this week... deodorant! so that i dont have to bath! =D (kidd...)

DISCOVERY #6 : REASON WHY UNION HOUSE FOOD IS CHEAP
why?...
CAUSE THEY'RE ALL YUCKY SUCKY HORRIBLLE TERRIBLE VEGGITABLE FOOD

DISCOVERY #7 : GETTING OBVIOUS THAT IM RUNNING OUT OF DISCOVERIES

but one thing i found out last night... about myself..

somehow when im here... things changed.. i changed...

i started to have this impetuous desire to just express myself to somebody...i dunno..its weird... i just have this desire to have someone to just be able to pour out everything to..every hurt pain joy victory inspiration desire problem and answer. at first i thought i found someone but now im not too sure if i did or was i just just so desperate trying to feed my need that i lied to myself..

ok this is where my tots go wild and im just gonna ramble

i dunno... its never really happned before.. but then again... maybe it has all along but i never became aware of it till now.. cos perhaps back home i had ppl like aling, keng, andrea, and sister (notice how they'r all gals???) to just share my joys and pains and so i neverfelt that need..or perhaps i became so oblivion to that side of me i took all of em for granted by telling myself richard can live alone...maybe it has been a lie all along....

cos for some weird reason i feel like i need such a person now...but the thing is i have no one.. or rather no one can fill that shoes... i thought i found somebody.. but it became SO awkward for her that i start to feel maybe she is avoiding me now to prevent certain things from happening.. i dunno...

sometimes i ask myself why must it be a she why cant it be a he.. i have no answers.. i just know that i can express myself better with a she.. and when ever i do i somehow always expects that the she will be transparent to me too and also perhaps share her problems and joy with me...

but now things have gone rather awkward between me and her i also dunno what to do.. maybe its just me.. maybe im just thinking too much and she isnt avoiding me... but i dunno.. im gonna talk to her this sunday anyway so i will find out i guess..

but then i realize that the problem isnt with her... its with me... how can i impose on someone a frenship that i have shared with someone else for so long and now just expect her to respond that same way... its just absurd...but yet i need that person.. a person to just talk to...without having to fear whether the person will be awkward towards me or not...

yesterday night i prayed.. i said God if this is not the one then bring me someone else cos i look around and i dun see anyone else better than she cos we are like so similar in so many ways its scary.. but thats whats interesting and she felt that bond too...but probably because of this very bond.. now shes backing out in fear that it may turn into something else.. im perfectly fine with that... but not till u avoid me...but then again... maybe its just me...maybe im making things up...

so i dunno.. i prayed that God will teach me to share it with Him instead and dont have the need to share it with anyone else..but its hard..its just not that simple...

AND WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A GAL????? WHY CANT IT BE A GUY??????

LOL

i mean its so weird... i mean, i try to be ur fren but i have the risk of falling for u? so paradoxical...

i mean i cant possibly always be blogging.. its just too public.. i need some privacy too rite?

oh well... so yeah... why i do even need such an outlet anyway.. and the funny thing is i expect that outlet to treat me the same way too... its just this reliance we share, me and aling, that i guess im carrying the after effect of it right now.... and i cant possibly impose in on someone who just only know me for a month...its just a total nonsense...and whats more shes a gal, for crying out loud...gosh...

IM CRAZY

anyway... this is to my lil sista...get well soon kay...why are u having a fever now anyway? i should be the one thats sick not u...haha..

miss u guys loads, really..