The best things in life arent things

so true isnt it?

and if you just turn your eyes upon the small little things that really matters, you would see that life is really so beautiful...

Like a simple wave from a child to say goodbye to you
Like a simple photograph with a friend that you cherish in black n white
Like a simple party that turned out well because of a good group of young people that is willing to go the extra mile for each other

funny how im the one that asked that we do not be bitter and move on with happy memories while turns out that i am the one that kept on the bitter train and never really got off in the first place...

Gotta stop this bitter train..

bcos life is beautiful and too short to be wasted away sulking....

yes and amen

sometimes i wish blogging is telepathic... like u just gotta think it in your head, and everything will just get recorded without u having to type it all down.. cos most of the time, when i finally come around to it, it's either i have forgotten all of em, or i just cant be bothered cos it will take up so much time and i have too much on my mind...

but anyways

alot of things happened this week... particularly the last 24 hours... alot of drama.. mostly in my head.. but it's still alot of drama...

but in the end, i know, that God is trying to tell me something...

all these weird series of events that just builds up to one story - i am made for God sized dreams.. i am made for something better than this...

1) i have to stop redigging old graves.. let bygones be bygones and dont revisit it anymore... cos there is no point... u cant change the past.. what is done is done... move on ... live on... you are made for better things than this... the past will inform your future and you will become someone better.. never say that you are a monster... becoz you are not defined by what you did, but by the very deeds that you are gonna do

2) i will never be that perfect item.. so dont even bother... and stop kiling urself over how you have been tainted by the past and how you messed up ur "perfect"ness... u will not be perfect becoz you are not... so stopit dammit..stop.... but dont voluntarily shelf yourself too... you may be imperfect, but every toy deserves a loving child.. and you know deep down inside you are made to love... so dont stop youself from that.. but embrace it whole heartedly.... but always keeping in mind that love comes with responsibility and a price to pay...

3) i do not need to have the approval of anybody... so say it with me "NOBODY"... it's not about finishing your education for the sake of it... dont ever do it because you wanna please your parents.. dont do it because it is your duty as a child to finish your studies... it is funny how marc said what he said after i complained to him how certain companies are taking so long to reply my intern applications..

"i am just saying this as a friend, but dont go into something that you will dread for life.. becoz that is exactly what our parents are doing"

i nodded..

"but they are doing it because they didnt have a choice.. but you do... they are giving you that choice..."

i pondered for a while when he said that.. altho i was super busy working towards a deadline in like 4 hours... but i pondered.. becoz it is true.. i have choice... so, do i really wanna be an architect? do i really wanna spend my whole life doing architecture? or am i just continuing this because "my parents paid great money to send me here so i should finish it off"?

i wondered... i seriously questioned myself... and again... i felt like i wasnt standing anywhere... felt so uncertain... at that point everything just seemed so uncertain....

but that night i walked to their apartment.. i havent walk in a while... so i decided to just stroll... had some me time... and i realized that i was not just trying to please my parents... subconciously i was also trying to please other ppl...

and i realized - "so what??"

so what if architects dont make much money?? so what if architects will have a hard time looking for a job?? so what if architects will graduate late?? so what if architects will likely have to end up with a wife that has already worked 3 years by the time he graduates?? so what if the wife will likely have a fatter bank account by then?? so what if i probably wont even have a car yet?? so what if she could possibly afford a car now?? so what ??? seriously... so what???

and then i realized -"why??"

why am i so worried if i will get a job?? why am i so worried if i will be able to retain the job even after my year out is over?? why am i so worried if i will like my job?? why am i so worried?? why??? seriously.. why???

and then it dawned on me - " i am made for something bigger than this.."

i was suddenly reminded of a Simpsons episode i watched during the week... it was about Bart getting an F and how he tried so hard to pass so that he will not have to stay back in 4th grade.. he finally prayed to ask for divine intervention so that he will have more time to study... it happened.. and the episode ended with the family gathering in front of the family fridge, looking at the D- history paper pinned onto the fridge door... he passed... barely... but the last line of the show was amazing... seriously.. i didnt see it coming... considering how shitty The Simpsons have become... i am only watching it cos that is my only source of meal time entertainment in this horrid stressful week...

it ended with Bart saying " A part of this D- belongs to God.."

then God brought me back...

I am made for bigger things than this...

pretty much alot of my life thus far feels like that.. a D-.... its barely there.. but still doing ok... but feels like shit too... but i just felt like at that point, that very point God was speaking right to me saying I AM MADE FOR BETTER THINGS THAN THIS

no matter how shitty i was or how i feel... no matter how many expectations are upon my life... no matter no matter, it just doesnt matter... i am better than this....

4) so you will not stop me... you will not bring me down... i have God-sized dreams... i will be an architect... and yes i damn well will... i will be the architect of my own making ... of my own goals... and i will get there.. somehow someway... u dont like it? u cant accept it? well, too bad, it's your lost... not mine... because i am going to do what i know i want to do and i will not let you hold me back...

5) and because of all these, i know God is ultimately also asking me to wait... i am not ready... rather, my life at this point is not ready... so many things are unsure... uncertain... if you take it up now, you know you will surely fall.... it's not about a matter of faith... but a matter of diligence...

you have so much more to accomplish first... go ... do those things... if you really wanna have faith.. then trust this - let God take control... if it is meant to be, then God will preserve your hearts, that whoever you become and where ever you go, God will bring both hearts back together again one day... so its never too late... but u know very well, that it is too early.... so please wait....

u cannot afford to fear... cos fear is not an option...

but right here right now, it is your moment... in your deepest darkest moment, where you feel like you have totally no more control of your life.. at the end of your rope... this is the time where God will mold you, shake you, break you, make you....

it's funny how this week as well, anita asked me, "so all these while you have been living by circumstances?"...

but no more.. no more.... ever since the day i received news that i will be staying with cathy and desmond back home in msia, things just havent been the same anymore... it changed.. God changed it.. and now i know i am not the same man anymore... but who am i exactly? i dunno... im like a butterfly in my coccoon... waiting.. waiting... waiting... but at the same time, changing...

i cant say that i dont know how the future will be... cos i do see it... i smile everyday knowing that it is there... i know in my heart it is there... but just , how exactly do i get there? this is the question that scares me the most... cos it spells uncertainty...

but i cannot fear.. cos fear is not an option...

but to top it all off.. do you know what i really wanna be??

i wanna be an architect...

but not the award winning one.. not the one that wants to set up his own firm and put his name on magazines... no tht is not me....

i am the architect who works for a mid size company... make my way up the corporate ladder as much as i can... whilst making enough time for God, family and church...

i wanna be the architect that builds communities and impact lives... i wanna be the architect that builds homes for the homeless, schools for the fatherless... i wanna be the architect that designs to bring people together... that fosters unity and harmony...

i wanna change the world, with my designs... with my work... i wanna touch lives... to see people interract with my work and take a piece of it back with em, into their hearts somehow someway.. to connect with people in a deeper heartfelt way....

yes, i will probably not make too much money.. there is always that risk....

but i will always rmb the day, when my junior came up to me on my last day of high school and said, "Richard, i wanna grow up to be just like you.." i will always rmb that... becoz that is what i wanna do...

i wanna inspire... lead lives.. directs lives... show them the right way.. and encourage them to take their own journey and discover it for themselves what life has to offer... that is me... the designer and architect in me...

it's not about the money.. it's not about the fame....

i will be an architect... but i will define my own profession... so, sorry if i am not your cup of tea... or if you thnk it is pointless... but no, i dont wanna live my life, looking back one day and think what could have... no, i wanna look back, and be able to smile... cos i know i did that.. i did what i know i wanna do....

i am made for bigger things than this

Redemption's Call

Strangely... Listening to Linkin Park playing live on their Road to Revolution album reminds me of my old band back home...

ahh... i miss you fellas........

chemistry is hard to come by... once its gone... u will wish it never did go....

i miss being able to just look at you and know you will follow my lead
i miss being able to just stomp my feet and you will know when to build
i miss those times we skipped lunch for jamming
i miss playing spontaneously with you and just singing whatever comes to mind
i miss being able to just blast the sanctuary's speakers and play like no one is annoyed
i miss writing our own songs and cracking our heads over what to do next
i miss cramming into the store room as we pray before the services
i miss scavenging thru the stockpile of songsheets minutes before the practices while hoping pastor helen will not catch me doing last minute preps.. haha
i miss jumping with u at that delirious concert
i miss the night we played church songs at prom.. that was awesome...

Redemption's Call started with a dream
now that i am gone.. i hope the dream continues
perhaps with a different name
or under a different banner
but yea.. i will never forget you...
and hopefully i can take what i learned from you
and turn it into something else even more beautiful...

Ed asked me last night..
"How do you see yourself in church in the next five years?"

I smiled...
There are certain things in life that happens, and you just can't help but smile...

Things like.. watching a person grow..
helping them every step of the way...
from strength to strength...
yes you get annoyed when they dont listen
yes you feel fustrated when you dont really know what to say or do
but oh the joy you get when you see that person rise up
deciding to take a stand
choosing to follow God
and you just see the blessings of God just pouring and pouring and pouring into their lives...
Things like these
Makes you smile

Therefore
I'm proud of you
Proud of who you have been
Proud of who you are
Proud of who you will be

How do I see myself in church in the next five years?
We'll find out
Step by step...

Cooking with MC (Season 1 Episode 0.01)

for those who arent entirely informed about my current status..



well, let's just say it has been a very very busy studio week...

and in the very colloquial malaysian term,

it is a very "CAN DIE AH" week...
so naturally u become quite... not yourself...



for example...



what do you do when u are just so tired mentally and u just cant be bothered to cook or eat cos you just dont really wanna move ur butt off the chair but u know u need to eat so u just gotta cook something but at the same time there isnt anything new in the fridge or storage and all tht is left are those dreaded dreaded dry and cold and yucky leftover sushi from Cathy's workplace??



you improvise... *grins*

so firstly... u chop em up

fry em up...

but add some eggs, processed cheese, salt pepper and some pasta sause...dont ask me why i chose them, i just. had a feeling..lol

i have no idea why this picture is portrait and not landscape

and you get...

TADA~!!!!

Fried Assorted Leftover Sushi

Copyrights Reserved @ Richard Lee 2009

didnt taste tht bad, honestly.... but dont try this at home, kids...lol.. i wont be liable for any tummy eggs..=)

toodles~

Open + Close

I am just so fascinated with Kim Walker lately..=)

anyway...

YAY~!!!!

yeap... one door closes, another opens.. and it did!!!

i got another interview...=DD

it's this friday (23rd Oct 2009) at 2pm...

more daffodils by the sidewalks again today...=)

please keep me in prayer yea....

so just as i wrote before

***

i will do my part

i will try my best

and the Lord will bless

when the time is right

You make everything beautiful in Your time

Mary + Martha

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
Yeah, He loves us

Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

How He Loves Us by Kim Walker from Jesus Culture

something about these people.. people like them and people like Hillsong... they write songs that are so relevant.. and they speak directly to my heart.. why don't we sing such songs anymore...?

but i'm not here to whine...

i teared when she spoke... about a love encounter.. like a sloppy wet kiss when heaven meets earth... that love encounter, and you will never be the same again...

martha is so tired.. in fact i feel martha lost track of time.. time is like a distant memory now.. she cant really rmb what she did neither does she really know what to do next... it scares her.. to face the future.. to face what might be, what could be... it's scary.. many a times she just wanna curl up and hide away.. but no, she cant.. the realities of life just catches hold.. and the drama begins again... like a puppet on a string... always struting on the stage of life... hopefully getting somewhere... hopefully.... going to bed everyday wishing more things has been done... waking up everyday wishing she doesnt need to face the day.... her song died... her dance ceased...

mary, oh where is mary? i miss mary... we used to sing heaven's songs... i even rmb the day we teared while cycling back home from uni... tht was just so random... or the day on our knees... just giving back our lives to God... or the day we prayed and prayed and saw God's hand moved... dearest mary, where art thou...

i've just been too busy... too too busy... and distracted.... *sigh*

i guess i did whine after all...

***TO INFINITY AND BEYOND..!!!***

-Toy Story-

***My Mumma always say, 'Life is like a box of chocolates,

you never know what you're gonna get..'***

-Forrest Gump-

AJA AJA!!!

you, white washed walls
will you speak?
of course u wont
but i realize that i sit here all day
while u stand there
in your four corners
observing from a distance

you, black topped laptop
will you speak?
of course you wont
but i realize i sit here all day
while you feed me free music
everyday fueling my crave with a new song
but somehow no new tune is ever enough

you, windows live messenger
will you speak?
of course you wont
but i realize i sit here all day
while i maintain my online status
still you remain dormant
still you remain silent

you, yes you
you dont have to speak
all i need for you to do is just listen

you, yes you
dont think too much
cos sometimes things are just not so complicated

dont try too hard
cos really, in the end
the best thing to do
is to just stay silent
because your presence alone
speaks a lot to my heart

cos i think in the end
all that really matters
is that i dont wanna be alone
no, i dont wanna be alone

P.S- Holidays, WHERE ART THOU?

You make everything beautiful in Your time

I sit on the tram asking why
Is it because I asked too much?
or is it because I didnt ask enough?

i came to a conclusion

from now on i will not ask God for anything
if He wanna bless He will bless
if He wanna take away He can just take away

i dont wanna ask for anything anymore
cos in the end i am not in control
i will do my part
i will try my best
but i guess i will not ask
i will just let Him surprise me

that is so much better than asking for something
and if it doesnt happen, u get dissappointed

i dunno why...
but thru out this week i kept asking
and for some strange reason i felt tht it was wrong
i had tht uneasiness in my heart
telling me its selfish and immature
i dunno why...

so in a way, i didnt really ask for it too
cos at the back of my mind, i felt it was wrong

but is it? is it wrong to ask?
i guess not...
the Bible nevr forbids us to ask
just tht i guess i am just deciding that i will not ask
i will just do my part
i will try my best
and if it's time to bless
He will...

i guess one of the reasons why daffodils and february trees
are just so nice and warm n fuzzy
it's because i didnt ask for them
God dropped em on my doorstep
and i picked em up as i go
and i follow as He leads

yes, i think in the end i took this opportunity for granted
God made it so easy, dropped everything along my path
i took it for granted, and wanted to make it my own
i guess tht's why i felt bad
and i guess tht's why it didnt fall thru in the end

but it was a good experience..
cos it showed me i have what it takes
and i know i almost got there

so, it's decided

i will do my part
i will try my best
and the Lord will bless
when the time is right

You make everything beautiful in Your time

Waiting: Day 1

Waiting sucks...

Really... like

OH MY GGOOSSSHHHHHHH

yeap, like that....

yes i know i know, it's not yet time right? they say they'd decide today and email me tmr... but who knows? they might be super hardworking and decide to do it today...

but nope..

nothingggg.....

i woke up at 9, switch on the com, and left my inbox open and keep an eye on it till 5pm

FIVE PEE (H)AMMM

but nope, nothingggg.... *WAIL*

guess i just have to wait till tmr...

sigh

patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue
patience is a virtue... amen


***

on a lighter note....

i realized today, on the way back...
i burped.. and it tasted like marshmallows~!!!

oh it's so grossly yummy....lol

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
silver white winters that melt into springs,
these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

My Favourite Things from Sound of Music



dear Lord, please let it happen.. i really really really want it to happen....
but it's out of my hands now....
so dear Lord, if You said that no father will give his son a stone when the son asked for a bread...
then dear Lord, please, give me bread...

but still in the end, not mine, but Your will be done...

into Your Hands I commit my spirit again...

oh i am so excited.. like a little boy in a corner... waiting for the right time to leap in joy and say "YYAAAYYYYYY....."

yet at the same time i feel... weary.. kinda... a lil... haha... i'm in denial... well, yes of cos, who wont be a tad afraid if he is going for his first interview? =DD

but yes i am... tmr.... wow wee~! =DD

i am just so happy right now because the week is almost over.. and the only thing left this week is that interview.. OH DEARS....

and i guess i am tired.. cant wait to get home and crash... oh but i bought oh-so-lovely mars bars just now... just to help me feel less crappy... just so tired...

***

dear God

i know life is such that You give me sweets in times of weariness.. like Mars bars in my tiredness.. You are just so random sometimes.. or rather, lately, You have been just random.. so many surprises... so many lovely gifts You have given me...

but i am afraid.. afraid i will lose it all.. but then sometimes i think about it.. what do i have anyway.. everything and everyone i have now is from You... You own them all... i have no control..

i used to be so self driven and self assured... i never really think twice about what i do... but now things are different... i dunno why but they just are... i guess i just need to be really sure this time, before i take the plunge...

i guess its time to take my prayer to another level... to not just persevere and preserve but i guess in the end, show me, show me that this is meant to be.. i must confess i am very skeptical about how this will all work.. and really in the end, the best way i know how to test if this is real, is thru time.. is to wait... because all along i have never waited... so this time i will wait....

so just as Jacob made a list and believe for you to fulfill it.. i am now making my own list.. untill You fulfill em or prove me wrong.. then i will just wait...

and while i wait.. help me to be contented with daffodils and mars bars.. that life is such that the end will justify the pain it took to get us there...

You make all things beautiful in Your time

So i lay this interview in Your Hands.. if they are for me, i know You will see me thru..

Amen

first of all

why didnt anyone leave a comment about my last post? haha... is the mention of my father that intimadating? lol or is it not funny? =(

watever~

it's 3am... honestly i cant be bothered going thru the portfolio again.. i'm just so so tired already.. should be fine la... some pages are so boring, i must confess.. but some are just so nice..=) haha.. i guess i will just have to be quick with the boring pages when i am presenting...

OH DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET EM LIKE ME...I'M A NICE PERSON RIGHT?

okay... i am starting to whine.. not good... but I'M JUST SO TIRED...

cant wait for friday..seriously.......


oh.. i just realized... stupid blogger doesnt know how to auto update himself on daylight saving.. tsk...

OK TIME to CRASH..

*side note*

Dearly beloved reader,

i know you love me that is why you are stalking this whiny blog..=) SO.. do me a favour? please pray for me.. this Friday 4PM... is my interview... i dont wanna get my hopes up... but i really do find this company interesting.. and i really like their people... and since they called me back for an interview, i hope they will like me too...

please pray that i will have a clear mind, confident and steady. pray that they will be cheerful and open towards what i have to offer.. i guess ultimately, just help pray that God's hand will be over the entire interview..

amen? amen..=) thank u... will keep u guys informed of what happens

Mid Autumn Day

Once upon a mid autmn night, there was a young man...

He just started working not too long ago..

And is beaming with hope and a bright future...

But unfortunately, just a little naive and under exposed... (lol)

Then came a fellow colleague who had an insatiable craving for em round thingies called mooncakes...

Said that greedy fellow colleague to the beaming young man,

"Hey, Leslie, would you mind going down to the bakery across the road..

and get for me two 'ping pei (cold skin)' mooncakes please?"...

And so he did...

Moments later, the beaming young man came back disturbed..

He passed the paper bag of mooncakes to his fellow colleague ...

His colleague immeadiately digged into the bag expecting to find his 'ping pei' mooncakes..

But turned to Leslie and asked,

"Didn't I asked for 'ping pei'? You brought me the normal ones.."..

Leslie shrugged and said, "You meant the green ones in the fridge?"

"YeAH.. that's the one!"

Disgusted, Leslie bounced back, "But they 'fatt mou (fermented)' already wan wo !?"

*SWEAT DROP*

YEAP... that is my daddy~

i will never forget this story.. i rmb the first time he told us the story,

grace and i couldnt stop laughing in utter amazement..

OUR FATHER?? THAT NAIVE???? LAUGH OUT LOUD~!!!

haha.. but yes, i guess we all have our share of youthful innocence

that we just lost somewhere along the way in the name of maturity..

but that is my dad.. he can be so random and unexpected at times...

Love you Pups.. Always...

When Reality Sinks In

everything around me in still silence
as i breathe a long sigh
my eyes stares into nothingness
my mind starts to drift away

but my heart pulls me back
gives me two tight slap
like a puppet on a string
i jerk myself back to life

the celebration ended
the parade stopped
now the streets are left empty
quiet and barren, i hear the wind speak

this is reality
this is now
and it's now or never

yes, it's really simple to be happy
but i find it's even easier to just slip away
slip away into the temptation of just hiding
just plain ol cowardly hiding

is it alright to say that i am scared?
yes i am scared...
i feel so foolish..
standing here in the middle of His providence
yet i shrink away in fear and doubt
i feel so foolish..
claiming to be the son of the Almighty God
yet my eyes tremble instead of looking up
where my help comes from...

this is reality
this is now
and it's now or never

Teach me to rid myself of selfish desires
Teach me to not depend on mountain moments
Teach me to believe for greater things
Teach me to understand that even when i make my bed in the depths of hell
You are with me

Yes, this is reality
and You are with me

O-M-G

here i am sitting here in my room
still trying to digest what just happened
well.. not like the world ended
but i'm just so baffled at how many times God has proven Himself true to me
all the lil n random n often funny and unexpected ways
i just dunno what to say

when i needed an ironing board
He gave me one for plus size apparels and the board turned out SO huge..lol

when i needed a reason to smile
He gave me daffodils on the sidewalks and pretty cherry blossums to look at

when i needed proper food
He overloaded me with sushi and sushi and more sushi

when i needed a friend
He gave me the best bff ever =)

when i needed a family
He gave me everyone in RCC

and when i thought i have messed it all up because of my own procrastination and lack of wisdom in time management
He gave me a job interview

like can you believe it ??

just out of the blue..!!!!
i am just so lost for words...
this is really happening..



O-M-G....
O-M-G....
O-M-G....
O-M-G....
O-M-G....


haha.. ok i need to pee now.. bye

Dear Jubilee

Dear Jubilee

I sit here every night wondering how are you gonna be? yea, i know it's totally too early to think about it.. but sometimes i just cant help it..

will u have my eyes? no wait, no pls dont have my eyes (dear God, please take note..lol) i dont like em.. well, do me a favour, and look like ur mum! lol.. i bet she will be beautiful..=) but i hope you'd share my same sense of immature humour and laugh along with me whenever i try to cheer u up.. always dream big. because u have a God that is watching over you always, and you deserve the best...

have you seen mummy? well neither have i.. she's a mystery, that one.. never really understand or understood her till now.. quite honestly, i dont even know how she would look like... haha... you should pray along with me~ dont worry about me tho.. daddy will be fine.. just a lil confused... hopefully mummy will find her way home one day..=)

i know God is placing the lil pieces of you together right now.. deciding on which parts of me to include into your system.. haha.. but i know you will be beautiful..=) prolli God is planning out your life right now, all your hopes and dreams, all your tears and joy.. every single laughter and every single cry..hmm...

but always rmb everything happens for a reason and always know your existance will never be in vain.. always rmb your life has God sized dreams... and dont ever ever let your past dictate who you're gonna be... because you are Jubilee.. and you are special.. always will be...

Love,
Daddy

Small Gestures

Small gestures and simple pleasures
Always something we take for granted
But somehow, these few days, i get it a lot...

This week has been crazy crazy crazy
Firstly, my leg is a BIG pain in the butt
Cos for some strange a reason i cant figure out
I overworked my leg and now my thighs are so freaking weak
Cant even climb the stairs properly

And i am like trying to juggle between my portfolio and my current uni work...Felt so terrible on tuesday night cos i knew i could have come up with something way better than any of those .... well, common ideas that were being explored by the class... i just knew i can do better than that... but i spent so much time on my portfolio.. haiz... not dead yet.. still coping.. still alive! =)

but when i say simple pleasures.. well, its just the little things God would put along the way... just to make my life sweeter..

like.. somehow... as much as i was hating the fact that i have to walk to uni this week, and having my legs being such a pain... i noticed lil white daisies sprouting out all over the green strips along royal parade... i mean, they're so pretty~! haha.. small lil pretty things... quite nice to look at.. made my journey to uni that slightly better..=)

simple gestures like my lecturer postponing a lecture this week and resulting in my appointment with annemarie being postponed to next week as well... which gives me more time to work on my portfolio.. which consequently gives me more time to work on my studio idea..=)

and i guess one of the biggest example of God's faithfulness is what happened just now...

i didnt take my breakfast and had to rush to uni.. and when it was all over it was already 1.30pm... i didnt wanna spend money on lunch so i decided i should just go home and cook... and i had quite alot to carry.. and i was hungry enough to eat a cow and my legs were killing me.. and well, i was VERY TEMPTED to hitch a free ride from the trams...

and its funny how the devil likes to tempt us... cos when i walked out to the main road... the tram was already leaving the stop... so i was like .. ok whatever.. i missed it, just walk... then suddenly, i could see ANOTHER oncoming tram from the stop further down the road... and again.. VERY TEMPTED to get on it... besides.. no one checks ur ticket anyway once u left the city area... i stood at the stop and contemplated for quite a while.. haha...

but i decided i shouldn't anyway.. it's not right...=)

so i walked... with my headphones on.. i just sorta started to do some thinking... the walk didnt feel tiresome at all... and before i knew it, i was home...

but then i realized something... on my way home, i actually came up with a fantastic idea of what to do for my pop architecture project (just one of the many other things that i am trying to juggle with)...!!! and this idea actually happened ON MY WAY HOME...haha

and i realized that if i had hitched a free ride on that tram... i would mostly be SO pre-occupied with looking out for em tram officers that i would never have time to come up with this idea... !!! =)

so yea, God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him.. even in little things such as not hitching a free ride from the tram... haha.. cos i think the idea i received is way more precious..=)

WEEK 2 OF UNI (AGAIN)

and so it begins, another week in uni...

this time i started out with sore thighs, arms and a sore back.. thanks to the game of paintball last saturday... i really need to work out more.. i mean, even siting down on my chair hurts~!!! LOL... crazy i know....

but what can i say? it has been a wonderful week... God opened many doors for me... nothing really concrete now, but it's a start...=) and it's really up to me now to make the most of them...

***

now on a side note... just wanna give a shout out to all T.U.G.ians and GTSDians!!!
HAPPY 17TH ANNIVERSARY~!!!!!!
was stalking Keng's fb.. and here's a few shots i love... =)

it was nice to see the Leong Family around again.. =)

goodness Keng.... Allison is becoming more like u~!! LOL

Pastor Helen and the worship band

i can't say that i do not miss you guys...
the time we painted the youth room with that dove
the time we came together to work out our first self written song
the time when all we had was a stereo for sound effects in our sketches
the time we shared in kids church and all that screaming
the time we presented our first fully self composed Christmas presentation
the time the invited pastor prophesied over our future as a youth group
the time where we had to relocate to a new building
the time where we had our first youth rally
the time where we had our first TUG race
the time where we had to learn table manners
the time where we had to learn self control and leadership by example
the time we hit 30 strong
the time pastor clement prophesied that we will no longer be the Upcoming Generation but the Ultimate Generation

all the times spent in the bus on the way to camp
all the times spent sleeping on the bus coming home from camp
all the times where we had to send ppl away
all the times where we celebrated someone's birthday
all the times we held hands and sang and jumped in unison

all the times we thought we were going to lose it
all the times we know we are undefeated

and i am sure there are more memories... too much to list down

after 17 years of being in almost every picture of the church... now tht i am not in any... makes me happy... cos the picture i see is a picture of a youth that is growing and will continue to grow.. i hear it is now 40 strong? touching 50 already? =)

keep it going.. you are the ultimate...

FIRST DAY OF UNI (AGAIN)

July is coming to an end already...

Time passes by so fast.. but when i come to think of it... I have learned a lot.. Grown a lot...

In a way i think life now makes a lot more sense... and my existence has got more meaning... because this time around it is up to me to make my own life...

No more living under the shadow of somebody else.. no more living on the faith of somebody else.. on the providence of somebody else... no more reaping the blessings of someone else's toil...

Time to make my own life... wear my own armour... fight my own battles....

And in a way.. life makes more sense this way... more meaning.. with a sense of purpose...=)

I feel that this year God is really teaching me faith... and it is very surprising how far i have gone in this department... to learn to let go...

Letting go... one of the hardest things i can do... i have an uncertainty avoidance personality, so what can i do? haha... i tend to wanna take control... and i guess in many ways when i am not in control... it scares me....

but it's amazing how much i have learned to let go.... and learning to have faith and not be afraid...

Staying all alone with house parents i never met before
Living by myself in a strange and foreign country
Adapting into a new school system
Writing my first research paper
Learning to control and manage my finances
Joining a church full of people i never knew
Learning to surrender my heart, my whole heart
Learning to seek God for an answer
Learning to be at peace with whatever God's answer will be, He still loves me and He's got it all planned out

and i guess in the same way

I am learning to be at peace that God will provide me with a job here

this is going to be a crazy semester...

the heat is ON..!!!!

I am falling down to reach you
Close my eyes to see you
Annihilate my body
Elevate my soul

I am coming round the corner
And looking over my shoulder
Living like its over
Cause all I want is You

All I want, all I want
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You

I am taking hold of liberty
Counting on the mystery
Jumping for the energy
And going out of my mind

Cause You are speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
And that's why You are

All I want, all I want (that's what I want)
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You

All I want, all I want (all I want)
This life is amazing the moment that I chose
All I want is You

All I want is You
All I want, All I want is You,
All I want is You, All I want is you

Speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
And that's why You are

All, All I want
All, All I want
Tonight all I want is You

All I want
All I want
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You

All I want
All I want
This is life is amazing the moment that I choose
All I want is You

Cause You are Speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
Now all I want is You

All I Want by Jared Anderson

it's unfair isnt it?

very

as an unborn child, lil Rick choked himself with his umbilical cord in his mother's womb... cutting the oxygen supply to his brain... making him a born vegetable.. forever paralyzed...

the doctors recommended that he put to rest.. i'm sure if he could speak, he would ask for the same thing...

but his parents chose to keep him. Dick was his father...

one day in his primary years, Rick and Dick joined a marathon together... Rick was once an athlete so he pushed his son all the way to the finish line...

after the race, Rick told his father that when he was out there running, he felt normal again.. ever since then... Dick never stopped running... just so his son will feel normal again... to be normal... to be accepted....

and as the whole church fell silent watching the father and son duo make it thru the triathlon... i cant help but smile... but at the same time, i could not hold back what i know very well is tears at my eyes...

Dick would swim and drag Rick along with him on a inflatable boat... He would run with him, pushing him along on a wheeled basket... He would sit Rick in front of his bike and cycle with him...

everything just so his son would be normal again...


........


just so unfair isnt it?

but such is the love of God for me

i do feel retarded almost all the time... unlike Rick who was borned that way... i feel retarded coz i chose to be... and it's just all a mess....

but still God died for me

so unfair...

but such is the Father's love

God is like constantly reminding me of His love for me, again and again...

No more sorrow, no more pain...

You hold me now, You hold me now...

OMGOSH OMGOSH OMGOSH...!!!!!!!

RELIENT K IS COMING TO MELBOURNE~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is going to be a long post... if you dont have the time, come back later...haha



i was talking to floflo last night on9... and the question "what do you wanna be in TEN years time" came up...in ten years time i'd be 31... wow... old man...haha

but wel for me, career wise, i wanna be in the process of getting accredited...

family wise, hopefully, seriously hopefully..lol, i'd be expecting my first child~!! =)

and i told floflo... if it is a girl i wanna name her Jubilee... if it is a boy... i will just let the mother decide..haha... but yea Jubilee..=)

she asked me why... i said it's because of what Jubilee means to me... freedom, glad tidings and celebration.... below is what Pastor Joel Osteen said about Jubilee at Hillsong Conference 2009...

"every fiftieth year was a very significant year.. it was called the year of Jubilee..it was a time of great celebration...most ppl back then, they only experience it once every lifetime and what made this year of Jubilee so significant was because....in this year, all the debts wil be canceled...all the slaves would be set free...all the servants, they would be released to go back to their original homes, be reunited with their families...not only that, all the property would be returned back to their original owners..

"for instance, if you sold your home years back cos u needed the money..and somebody pays you rent year after year...perhaps they even paid the property off. it didnt matter..in this fiftieth year, if it had your name on it.or your families' name on it... it would be returned back to you...

"it was a year that everybody looked forward to...a year of release...release from debt.. release from captivity.. release from unfair situations.... you could be working hard night and day... struggling year after year...but you knew if you could just make it to Jubilee, everything will be okay... Jubilee is coming...

"as great as Jubilee was, the great prophet Isaiah prophesied that something that was coming that was even better... he said, "the Spirit of LORD is upon me, to announce the year of God's favour / a day where the free favour of God profusely abounds.." Isaiah was saying there was a day coming, it's not here just yet..but there will be a day where God's people dont have to wait fifty years for Jubilee... but they can live IN Jubilee...

"many years later.. Jesus quoted this same passage...but he said," I'm not here to announce like the prophet Isaiah that Jubilee is coming. I'm here to declare that Jubilee has arrived."...and because of what Jesus has done, you and i dont have to wait 20 years to be blessed...you dont have to wait ten years to be free... you dont have to wait 5 years for God's favour...no, friends, this is your year of Jubilee...

"God is saying to you, this is your year to be released from every bondage...this is your year to be released from debt..to be released from sickness... to be released from addictions... to be released from depression... to be released from anything that is holding you back.. not only that, everything that has your name on it... God is saying that this is d year that He wanna restore that back to you... He wants to restore the business... restore the property... restore the dreams.. restore the health... this is your year to see the free favour of God profusely abound in you...

So yea, Jubilee..=)

i think it's just beautiful..haha...floflo agrees too..=)

but then floflo was saying if my family name is Lee.. then won't the gal be - Jubilee Lee? LOL.... well, we'll crack that nut later...

i just know that this year is my year of Jubilee... it's like suddenly life makes so much more sense... i cant really say how but i just know it in my soul...

i just know in my soul that this time i cant go wrong because i am letting God take control... i just know in my soul that this time it will be okay.. i dont have to be afraid.. just let go... and God will show the way...

it's like this year, the past doesnt matter anymore... because i can see the future.. a future of bright glory... a future waiting for my arrival... it's not a dream... i can see it.. but i just have to work it.. and walk towards it...

and everything that the enemy stole from me, i am claiming it back..


oh i went to the enemy's camp
and i took back what he stole from me
yes i took back what he stole from me
Oh i took back what he stole from me

he's under my feet
he's under my feet
he's under my feet
satan is under my feet

Enemy's Camp

Damn you bastard child
The ghost of my past
That still lurks in the corners of my mind

I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you

You came to me in the form of a secret
Disguised yourself in innocence
And took root in my mind

Inch by inch i allowed you to stay
With every thought i entertained
i allowed myself to fall captive to your chains

years! years! i have laid motionless
years! years! i have stayed complacent
but no more!

you know i have a future!
you damn well know i have a purpose!
you bloody well know that you are afraid of what i can become!

so you haunt me in my memory
steal me in my dreams
but i am done playing games!

I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you

Now i understand even more why i am given this gift
To cry along with the lost...
To show them there is still a hope...
That a God still cares
A God who loves them so much that He came to die for their sins
Sins that they thought they should be the one to die for
Sins that I thought I should be the one that should be dead for
But love unfathomable came, and gave itself for us
so that we may live
so that I may live
and yes! I WILL LIVE...

yes! be afraid! be very afraid!
cos I am coming!!
i am coming even stronger than ever!!
and you will NOT BRING ME DOWN!!

The end will justify the pain it took to get us there


Do not rejoice over me, my enemy
When I fall, I will arise
When I sit in darkness
The LORD will be a light to me
Micah 7:8

****

Close my eyes
Falling on my knees
The hope that’s inside
An overwhelming peace

As time’s slowing down
Your soft spoken words
On my heart left a stain
Though no one’s around
And everything’s broken
Your beauty remains
And I realize the reason You came

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Shedding a tear
The taste becomes stale
‘Cause this is why I’m here
The scar of a nail

Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
Angels sing welcome home
Welcome home

And this is what I’ll sing for You
And this is what I’ll sing for You
Oh

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
I realize the reason You came

Hallelujah by Krystal Meyers


*back to normal blogging*


I really like this song... kinda fell in love with it accidentally... something about girls that can rock the guitar turns me on...(omgosh... sounds so wrong..lol) but yea... like how i always fancy ppl like Katy Perry, Avril Lavigne, Michelle Branch...Krystal Meyers?....lol....

i still wanna go see Katy Perry tho... anyone? =( *sobs*


well i apologize if you were horrifically astounded by what i wrote up there... it's just one of those moments.. when you really feel like gutting the devil's belly? yea.. one of those... it was very intense... haha... i was staring at the screen most of the time... with tears clogging up my eyes... those were genuine emotions...XD


but ah well, i learned my lesson today.. dont be complacent.... the devil knows.... and he will attack in every possible direction... what pastor preached last last week was very true... the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness... i need em more....


like Jesus, getting baptised in Holy Spirit was just one part of my journey... i still need to go thru the wilderness... still need to face my demons.... and like Jesus, i should counter the attacks with the Word of God... and not just try by my own will... cos we fail all the time...


it's just that well, things are starting to look well around here... i was telling a friend last night, that everything seems to be turning out well and exciting... so exciting that i grew a tad complacent.. and he struck...ah...well... no more... i will be prepared.. i will guard my heart..=)


long holidays are bad for richard lee... im growing lazy... cant wait for uni to start again....haha...XD

OMGOSH................... HI CHARMAINE!!!!! =DDDD MC-53 officially has a THIRD FOLLOWER...!!! =DDDD

ahem

u know what i miss?

i miss driving along the LDP Freeway at the wee hours of the day... no one on the road but me... crazy drivers speeding... but i keep my cool... and just cruise through along the tarmac.... everyone asleep in their homes.... with hints of dim lighting somewhere in that sea of slumbering darkness.... the street lights above me... the radio beside me.... and there's something magical about the dashboard... the way it lids up at night... it just cool.... driving pass 1U...empty, desolate, quiet.... i dunno... something about it makes me feel alive.... something fun about it....

yea i do drive home late alot last time... cos i had to stay back in uni for work most of the time... never thought that i will miss it... it never crossed my mind... but it's the simple things like this u just miss.... when everything comes to a halt... and u suddenly realize u do miss it after all...

i miss getting stuck in a jam... and how i force my way thru... so that i can get to uni on time... it is hilarious thinking about it now... i was SO agressive... and i am shouting in my car most of the time... astho the other drivers can hear me...haha.. JJ and Rudy on Hitz.fm..... ah... miss those jokers....

i miss annoying ppl by tailgating em ... i missed being annoyed by people tailgating me... and i miss annoying those ppl that tailgate me....lol..... how i annoy those that tailgate me? well i just wouldn't budge... and they will be forced to overtake me... i mean, i dun care.. im travelling at the maximum speed allowed... if u wanna go faster... then by all means over take me... but since im already on the fast lane... u just gota scoot over to the left then.. aint my problem... haha...but yea i know such attitude can get me bad if i bump into a road bully... thank God i have been discreet so far...XD

i miss fighting for car park space on the 4th floor of 1U... i do so often i can navigate it with my eyes closed... haha... it was fun... the anticipation of a car driving away... the watchful eyes carefully scanning the area for shoppers heading back to their cars... and the sudden jolt of my feet at the clutch, speeding towards them... and slowly inching behind em as they reached their cars... it was fierce... fierce indeed...

and as crazy as it sounds... i miss drving with my sister... we do the craziest things in the car... like seriously.... i miss teaching her how to drive... altho i would be screaming most of the time... but it was fun..=) yet nerve wrecking... cos u never when she's gonna dent the car... but hallelujah praise the Lord.. no harm is done to the car YET... haha...

i miss driving around not knowing where on earth am i going... and discovering new roads... its SO fun... especially when its late at night... why at night again? i have no idea... architects are owls... seriously....

and as much as i hated it, i miss having to constantly watch out for the heat meter at the dashboard.. cos the old Proton have a very old radiator.. and i needed to constantly moniter it... u never when it will need a refill again... so yea, gone thru a few times where i had to switch off the AC... it was just irritating... cos of the heat in Malaysia.. and ur on the road.. which makes it hotter.... and the dust and smoke from the cars... just eeww... i hated it... and have i mentioned how much i HATE bad exhaust? seriously, hate it BIG TIME.... ever since i came here, kinda miss the feeling of hating it... lol.... would like to hate it again...lol

simple things that we take for granted...oh wells.......

it is 5.14am... im crazy

this is wat i have been working on all night..
COMMENTS PPL

it's not final, of course... it's just a first attempt at giving it a fresh look, whilst still retaining the idea of a palm.... can u see it? =) it's kinda like a eye illusion... cos it is both a palm and a dove at the same time..=DD

COMMENTS PPL

gonna show pastor this friday....

I want to....

I WANT TO WATCH ICE AGE 3..!!!!!
so kill joy lar yesterday.... and now that the date is called off i wonder who will go with me.... =( since those that wanna watch are already making their own plans for the next attempt...and everyone else sure no more mood to watch it already by now.... it's either they will be lazy to go cinema to watch it, or they will be just too mature to watch a cartoon...*bluek* =(

don't care... GRACE RMB TO GET THE DVD...i'm coming home to watch...=DDDD

*mumble mumble*

i guess i'm just the kind that doesn't realy go out much.. but when i do, i wanna make sure i gett do what i set out to do, or else i'd be disgruntled... lol... it's true... even for shopping... i dun shop much... but when i do, i take it to the max.... and if i come back empty handed......well... u wouldn't wanna know... it will be raining the whole day i guess....XD (by that, i don't mean crying.. i just mean it wll be a moody day, sometimes..depending on how much i was banking on being able to watch it.haha...kidd....)

I WANT TO WATCH TRANSFORMERS...!!!
i am anyway, tonight.. so wat the heck....

I WANT TO WATCH KATY PERRY LIVE IN MELBOURNE
but no one will go with me...=( but isn't she so cool? why don't u ppl like her? =( or would i go alone...? hmmmm....... nah

I WANT TO WRITE A NEW SONG...!!!
i have so many ideas bubbling in my head right now..SO MANY..... and my hands are so itchy now... but no guitar..=( WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY GUITAR???? *wail*

I WANT TO *holds breath* STOP THINKING AND JUST START ON MY RESUME AND CV AND PORTFOLIO SO THAT I CAN FIND A EMPLOYER AND THEN GET THE VISA DONE AND THEN I CAN STOP WORRYING IF I WILL HAVE TO FLY BACK TO MSIA

there u go... i'm done whining... now, time for lunch....

oh one more thing

I WANT ALTERED FREQUENCY'S NEW ALBUM..!!!
why la they take so long to release it? now that i'm here, only they decide to happily announce the new album is in stores...

somebody please go buy and rip and send over..=DDDD

oh my gosh...i re-read my recent posts and i realize my English SUCK big time....

like how i wrote "late back" instead of "laid back" and how i wrote "taking pictures are so not my thing" instead of "IS so not my thing"....@_@

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME????????

i just finished watching Australia... after like wat... breaking it up to 3, 4 times? it was just so boring i had to stop watching it and continue another time.. and today i officially finished watching one of the most boring shows ever... but i guess i just wanted to watch cos after all i AM in Australia.. so no harm watching a show about its history (more like a super drama-fied history in the case of this movie).... and it is just SO BORING.....

but for some strange reason i teared again in this show... WHY LAAAAAA.........

i-am-ab-nor-mal...

but hey, as much as my english suck... im getting paid lately to take trial english tests.. wohoooo~!!!! FIFTY DOLLARS again tomorrow...=DDDD

the word of the day is

SERIOUS

am i too serious? will i ever learn to take it easy?

i guess it is just the way i am brought up... pa was never too laid back about anything he puts himself into... i also dunno why am i so serious... i thnk too much i know....

but i am learning

i am learning to find stability
i am learning to find a job
i am learning to control my finances
i am learning to take care of my health
i am learning to stand on my two feet
i am learning to control my emotions
i am learning to love selflessly
i am learning to surrender my heart
i am learning to be faithful in little things
i am learning to be true to myself
i am learning to be a man of integrity

i am learning...

i guess i am learning to be less serious as well.....

anyway...

YAY...annoying lil nameless squirrel.... here i come...!!!!!! i hope u really do get to eat ur nut this time... =DDD

first of all, i wanna give a shout out to Wina SW..!!!!! Hope i spelt ur username correctly...lol... i have no idea how u found my blog, and i dunno wats so good about my blog...but since u decided to follow my blog...

WELCOME~!...=DDD

Camp was fantastic.. and no... i have no pictures... i did bring my camera... and i did bring my charger too... but i just didnt take any pictures.... so weird isnt it.. i guess taking pictures are just so not me...@_@ sorry fellas... but i guess when my church members like Mat uploads the pics on FB and i get tagged thn u can view some... there is a geisha family portrait u guys gotta see...!!! =)

One thing i take away from camp

i realize that i have been having a wrong perception of my gift all along. my role is not to pray FOR anyone... but to pray WITH... so i sudnt be so concerned with what will God tell me... Cos God will in His own time... i'm just there to pray with em...

and i noticed that it's mostly simple words or sentences like 'victory', 'joy' or 'you are precious'... and i just go on from there... it's exciting i must say... =)

*****

you know, i like to think that i am emotonaly stronger now, but i realize that sometimes when u are not careful, u can mess things up pretty much again... i tok a walk with Geoff today, just to talk... i tot that it will help confirm the actions that i have taken lately. but i got even more confused towards the end of the day.... i started to stare into blankness again...@_@ so i got some of the guys to go for chocolate... heavenly chocolate...=DDD just to u know, get away.... but it didnt really help... came back home after and i had to sit on my bed... i started to talk senses back into myself... to realign myself again.. then, ah...yes... this was what i wanted to do... and this is what i am doing...

all's good now... i'm back on track.... but im just reminded of how murky it can all get sometimes....

the author apologizes for the appalling lack of proper sentence structure and amount of grammatical error in this post... sometimes we get caught in the moment..haha

today was a very very fun day... seriously...=)

but i guess there is a time and place for everything... right now... right here... i just wanna write my thoughts......

it's funny how when you think you are the strongest that's when you are the weakest... because hey, it's not by your strength... cos our flesh fails... way too many times we fail.... but it's God... and every time we forget that simple truth is when we let our own flesh overcome us... but i thank God for His mercy... that i have not allowed myself to slip away again... life gets tough i guess....

camp is tomorrow... i am very excited... because not only will i be able to see 30cm tall penguins..=DDDDDD i also know in my heart that God will be moving in this camp... that change is inevitable and a revolution is starting... be it in our hearts, our attitudes or our minds... change will come... and it will come on like a flood...

probably excited also because this is my first winter camp... went to mornington peninsula with marc and euric today and it was CRAZY.... the winds were SO strong... i lost my beanie today...it flew off from my open bag....=( *sobs* but yea, it was CRAZY.... u cannot move at all sometimes... cos its jst so strong... so i was telling myself, if this is just a cape and it's like this...imagine what will it be like tmr when u are on an island....EIK!!! haha....

but one thing i know i seriously need to let go off in this camp, is to stop regretting and move on and do something about the here and now... so many times it has happened.. every time when i am reminded of how much i allowed slip by me when i was in msia, every time without fail i get moved to tears... because i just can't forgive myself for what i have done.... i dunno why... but i just do... i beat myself up every time.... and i will cry and cry before God... but i never seem to get over it....

like last sunday... zita was so nice to be open enough to go to church with marc and euric... i was very happy that she decided to go along with them... and so i went along as well... for moral support... the service was great.. i mean hey it's PLANETSHAKERS...what do u expect? but anyway... at the end of everything, towards the alter call... i just suddenly had this familiar burden once again falling upon me...so so strong burden that i just couldn't sweep aside... and it was talking to me... it said, " Richard, u had THREE years with Zita when you were still at college back home, but u did nothing... now she's here, came alll the way here to visit u guys and shes here at church..and u're gonna do nothing?"....

it broke me... it seriously did... i kept asking God for forgiveness...and that He will have mercy on Zita... so that she may know Him... i just couldn't stop tearing... and a part of me fought back... a part of me was afraid to ask her if i can pray for her... i didnt know how she'd react... but u know what, i did it anyway...

me: can i pray for u?
zita: yea sure why not? =)
me: okay =)
zita: what do i do?
me: just close your eyes

and i prayed... the music was blaring...so i went close to her ears... and i prayed my heart out... i surrendered her life, her studies, her family, our friendship all into God's hands... after the prayer... she hugged me.. for quite a while i must say... i dunno... maybe she was touched... but i knew right there and then, i planted another seed in her life...

i had to go off early cos i was gonna meet pastor and sharon back at RCC... but u know, while i was on the tram, i was fighting to hold back the tears that are just clogging up my eyes... right there and then God was speaking to me... and i said yes Lord, i will do what you want me to do from now on...

i was worried that i'd get too emo and will need somebody to pray with me later when i reach church... i was thinking maybe Ed or Geoff... but when i entered the hall, someone called out my name... and somehow it all just dissolved away... and i didnt even notice it happening until i reflected on the day at my bed, but yea, my tears were swept away just like tht... oh well, but thats another story altogether...

but yea, having said all this, i realize that altho i have this awful burden on me, but it made me grow closer to God... like seriously... Richard Lee is entering into the prayer ministry, believe it or not? i dun... haha... but... since the time i last prayed for Wil at church, till now, many things has happened... and it made me grow... and since then i have said many more prayers... for different individuals... and for some reason sometimes i duno how and why, but they'd come to me and say tell me how i said words that they needed to hear or words that they wanted to express themselves but didnt know how to... and somehow, my prayer helped... somehow.... i honestly dun really know what i am blabbering most of the time... but recently i prayed for Wil... and after the prayer i told him i didnt know what i was blabbering about... but he said i blabbered all the right things... that, i didnt expect...

But yea, i wanna go to this camp expecting to bless someone as well.... anyone for that matter... just wanna be there to pray with somebody.... yea, i would love that... and i realize that the more i pray, the more confident i am in my prayer.. and i pray differently now... it's more forceful...somehow...

so yea... camp here i come~!!!!!!

time to shower and pack..=DDDDD

"Well, i have a wide range or music preferences..From Vivaldi to Metallica..From Charlotte Church to Linkin Park..."
-
"You like Charlotte Church too?"
-
"Yea, I do, I have one of her albums"
-
"I LOVE Charlotte Church..How random.."


*****

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe

The Prayer by Charlotte Church



Running made me stronger
Knowing made me wiser
Loving will only make me more like You

i decided to make this the very last of the Running Series... I have no need for them anymore...

i stopped running

by the river bank, i sat
and watched lil paper boats pass me by
capitals and cursive words, its pages filled
I watched em all sail away, one by one
Beside me was a book, its pages torn
But it still smelled of chocolate sundaes
Its edges still kept a hint of its past

I got up

I dug a hole with my hands
Cold dark earth numbed my fingers
But i kept digging
I folded what's left of the book
and buried you under that February tree

I got up

I reached into myself
Cold hard hands against a warm feeble heart
Yes, it's still there
I turned to look at the distant night sky
Do i miss the moon?
I do
All the stars above?
I do... I do...

But over across the far edge
Suddenly a bucket full of sunshine I see
It tumbled and fumbled
And made a mess of the valley

I chuckled

The bucket shouted at me
"I'm sorry I made a mess
But i guess sometimes u just can't go back no more..."

I turned

Around me the river I see
As clear as ever my reflection is
And next to me stood the tree
It's branches high as its roots are deep

i guess i will never forget this place
because this is where it all started
Standing under that February tree
and as i looked around
i realized, suddenly
there are no more walls
there are no more windows
just the river, tree, and me
and that silly bucket down the valley

I have arrived

here again at the beginning
but things are not the same
as i watch the the paper boats sail away
as i feel the edges of the book under my feet
i know in my heart i am not the same anymore
running made me stronger
knowing made me wiser

so i shouted back at the bucket
"welcome back! we missed you!
but u gotta put ur heart to it
if u wanna make it up here with us.."

"we can talk all night if you want
but hey i hope u dont mind
i am bringing a friend this time
dont worry tho', She doesn't bite..."

I smiled and I looked away
coz I dont think there is ever getting over you

She looked at me and said
"Do not fret
Running made you stronger
Knowing made you wiser
Loving will make u human"

I looked up to gaze upon Her face
and I said, "It's okay....
You can have the bucket
And everything within it
Just remind that silly bucket once in a while
That You love it very much..

"Cos You changed my heart
Made me see this world thru Your eyes
You made me stronger
You made me wiser
Loving will only make me more like You..."

The End

it was so hard to sleep last night... probably cos of the exam this afternoon.. but my gosh... it's the exam already, and when the clock strikes 4.15pm... tht's the end of semester one of my first year at Melbourne University...WOW

i woke up to this song.....

Chorus
(Then we'll go) sweepin' through the city,
(where my) captain has gone before
(and we're gonna) sit down by the banks of the rivier;
I won't be back,
I won't be back,
I won't be back no more, no more.

Verse
Blessed are the pure in heart for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).
Blessed are the poor in spirit for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).
Blessed are they that mourn for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).
Blessed are the children of Israel for they'll go,
(sweepin' through the city).

Sweepin' Thru The City by Ron Kenoly



It will be a smashing day..=)

RICHARD LEE PLEASE DONT FALL SICK..!!!!!!

no appetite lar...how? =(

i was running
but something caught my eye
is that indifference i see staring back at me?
i was shocked
i paused and wondered
i looked down and saw my shoes
i fell silent to hear my heart beating
yeah, it's still there

i pulled out a map
made sure i knew where i was going
but i had no idea
am i heading for certain indifference?

so i fell silent again
and i heard my heart beckoning
i reached out to touch it
and realized it's hardly breathing

so i realize i cannot care anymore
i need to brave the valley
i need to fight the demons
and i am going to go to that place
where indifference is a risk i have to take

maybe you're already there
feeling indifferent in your own way
we all feel the pain
we just speak it differently
but i guess, in the end
it's a mystery

i can only pray that you'll find your way
and that indifference will never find you

but for now
i am going to that place
a place where there are no walls
a place where there are no windows
a place where i can stop running
and who knows?
maybe my feeble heart will beat again
and these shoes will dance in the rain again