July is coming to an end already...
Time passes by so fast.. but when i come to think of it... I have learned a lot.. Grown a lot...
In a way i think life now makes a lot more sense... and my existence has got more meaning... because this time around it is up to me to make my own life...
No more living under the shadow of somebody else.. no more living on the faith of somebody else.. on the providence of somebody else... no more reaping the blessings of someone else's toil...
Time to make my own life... wear my own armour... fight my own battles....
And in a way.. life makes more sense this way... more meaning.. with a sense of purpose...=)
I feel that this year God is really teaching me faith... and it is very surprising how far i have gone in this department... to learn to let go...
Letting go... one of the hardest things i can do... i have an uncertainty avoidance personality, so what can i do? haha... i tend to wanna take control... and i guess in many ways when i am not in control... it scares me....
but it's amazing how much i have learned to let go.... and learning to have faith and not be afraid...
Staying all alone with house parents i never met before
Living by myself in a strange and foreign country
Adapting into a new school system
Writing my first research paper
Learning to control and manage my finances
Joining a church full of people i never knew
Learning to surrender my heart, my whole heart
Learning to seek God for an answer
Learning to be at peace with whatever God's answer will be, He still loves me and He's got it all planned out
and i guess in the same way
I am learning to be at peace that God will provide me with a job here
this is going to be a crazy semester...
the heat is ON..!!!!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I am falling down to reach you
Close my eyes to see you
Annihilate my body
Elevate my soul
I am coming round the corner
And looking over my shoulder
Living like its over
Cause all I want is You
All I want, all I want
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You
I am taking hold of liberty
Counting on the mystery
Jumping for the energy
And going out of my mind
Cause You are speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
And that's why You are
All I want, all I want (that's what I want)
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You
All I want, all I want (all I want)
This life is amazing the moment that I chose
All I want is You
All I want is You
All I want, All I want is You,
All I want is You, All I want is you
Speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
And that's why You are
All, All I want
All, All I want
Tonight all I want is You
All I want
All I want
This world called crazy all that's true tonight
All I want is You
All I want
All I want
This is life is amazing the moment that I choose
All I want is You
Cause You are Speaking what can not be heard
Showing up where no one is expecting You
Taking up what no one is taking to
Now all I want is You
All I Want by Jared Anderson
Sunday, July 19, 2009
it's unfair isnt it?
very
as an unborn child, lil Rick choked himself with his umbilical cord in his mother's womb... cutting the oxygen supply to his brain... making him a born vegetable.. forever paralyzed...
the doctors recommended that he put to rest.. i'm sure if he could speak, he would ask for the same thing...
but his parents chose to keep him. Dick was his father...
one day in his primary years, Rick and Dick joined a marathon together... Rick was once an athlete so he pushed his son all the way to the finish line...
after the race, Rick told his father that when he was out there running, he felt normal again.. ever since then... Dick never stopped running... just so his son will feel normal again... to be normal... to be accepted....
and as the whole church fell silent watching the father and son duo make it thru the triathlon... i cant help but smile... but at the same time, i could not hold back what i know very well is tears at my eyes...
Dick would swim and drag Rick along with him on a inflatable boat... He would run with him, pushing him along on a wheeled basket... He would sit Rick in front of his bike and cycle with him...
everything just so his son would be normal again...
........
just so unfair isnt it?
but such is the love of God for me
i do feel retarded almost all the time... unlike Rick who was borned that way... i feel retarded coz i chose to be... and it's just all a mess....
but still God died for me
so unfair...
but such is the Father's love
God is like constantly reminding me of His love for me, again and again...
No more sorrow, no more pain...
You hold me now, You hold me now...
very
as an unborn child, lil Rick choked himself with his umbilical cord in his mother's womb... cutting the oxygen supply to his brain... making him a born vegetable.. forever paralyzed...
the doctors recommended that he put to rest.. i'm sure if he could speak, he would ask for the same thing...
but his parents chose to keep him. Dick was his father...
one day in his primary years, Rick and Dick joined a marathon together... Rick was once an athlete so he pushed his son all the way to the finish line...
after the race, Rick told his father that when he was out there running, he felt normal again.. ever since then... Dick never stopped running... just so his son will feel normal again... to be normal... to be accepted....
and as the whole church fell silent watching the father and son duo make it thru the triathlon... i cant help but smile... but at the same time, i could not hold back what i know very well is tears at my eyes...
Dick would swim and drag Rick along with him on a inflatable boat... He would run with him, pushing him along on a wheeled basket... He would sit Rick in front of his bike and cycle with him...
everything just so his son would be normal again...
........
just so unfair isnt it?
but such is the love of God for me
i do feel retarded almost all the time... unlike Rick who was borned that way... i feel retarded coz i chose to be... and it's just all a mess....
but still God died for me
so unfair...
but such is the Father's love
God is like constantly reminding me of His love for me, again and again...
No more sorrow, no more pain...
You hold me now, You hold me now...
Saturday, July 18, 2009
this is going to be a long post... if you dont have the time, come back later...haha
i was talking to floflo last night on9... and the question "what do you wanna be in TEN years time" came up...in ten years time i'd be 31... wow... old man...haha
but wel for me, career wise, i wanna be in the process of getting accredited...
family wise, hopefully, seriously hopefully..lol, i'd be expecting my first child~!! =)
and i told floflo... if it is a girl i wanna name her Jubilee... if it is a boy... i will just let the mother decide..haha... but yea Jubilee..=)
she asked me why... i said it's because of what Jubilee means to me... freedom, glad tidings and celebration.... below is what Pastor Joel Osteen said about Jubilee at Hillsong Conference 2009...
"every fiftieth year was a very significant year.. it was called the year of Jubilee..it was a time of great celebration...most ppl back then, they only experience it once every lifetime and what made this year of Jubilee so significant was because....in this year, all the debts wil be canceled...all the slaves would be set free...all the servants, they would be released to go back to their original homes, be reunited with their families...not only that, all the property would be returned back to their original owners..
"for instance, if you sold your home years back cos u needed the money..and somebody pays you rent year after year...perhaps they even paid the property off. it didnt matter..in this fiftieth year, if it had your name on it.or your families' name on it... it would be returned back to you...
"it was a year that everybody looked forward to...a year of release...release from debt.. release from captivity.. release from unfair situations.... you could be working hard night and day... struggling year after year...but you knew if you could just make it to Jubilee, everything will be okay... Jubilee is coming...
"as great as Jubilee was, the great prophet Isaiah prophesied that something that was coming that was even better... he said, "the Spirit of LORD is upon me, to announce the year of God's favour / a day where the free favour of God profusely abounds.." Isaiah was saying there was a day coming, it's not here just yet..but there will be a day where God's people dont have to wait fifty years for Jubilee... but they can live IN Jubilee...
"many years later.. Jesus quoted this same passage...but he said," I'm not here to announce like the prophet Isaiah that Jubilee is coming. I'm here to declare that Jubilee has arrived."...and because of what Jesus has done, you and i dont have to wait 20 years to be blessed...you dont have to wait ten years to be free... you dont have to wait 5 years for God's favour...no, friends, this is your year of Jubilee...
"God is saying to you, this is your year to be released from every bondage...this is your year to be released from debt..to be released from sickness... to be released from addictions... to be released from depression... to be released from anything that is holding you back.. not only that, everything that has your name on it... God is saying that this is d year that He wanna restore that back to you... He wants to restore the business... restore the property... restore the dreams.. restore the health... this is your year to see the free favour of God profusely abound in you...
So yea, Jubilee..=)
i think it's just beautiful..haha...floflo agrees too..=)
but then floflo was saying if my family name is Lee.. then won't the gal be - Jubilee Lee? LOL.... well, we'll crack that nut later...
i just know that this year is my year of Jubilee... it's like suddenly life makes so much more sense... i cant really say how but i just know it in my soul...
i just know in my soul that this time i cant go wrong because i am letting God take control... i just know in my soul that this time it will be okay.. i dont have to be afraid.. just let go... and God will show the way...
it's like this year, the past doesnt matter anymore... because i can see the future.. a future of bright glory... a future waiting for my arrival... it's not a dream... i can see it.. but i just have to work it.. and walk towards it...
and everything that the enemy stole from me, i am claiming it back..
oh i went to the enemy's camp
and i took back what he stole from me
yes i took back what he stole from me
Oh i took back what he stole from me
he's under my feet
he's under my feet
he's under my feet
satan is under my feet
Enemy's Camp
i was talking to floflo last night on9... and the question "what do you wanna be in TEN years time" came up...in ten years time i'd be 31... wow... old man...haha
but wel for me, career wise, i wanna be in the process of getting accredited...
family wise, hopefully, seriously hopefully..lol, i'd be expecting my first child~!! =)
and i told floflo... if it is a girl i wanna name her Jubilee... if it is a boy... i will just let the mother decide..haha... but yea Jubilee..=)
she asked me why... i said it's because of what Jubilee means to me... freedom, glad tidings and celebration.... below is what Pastor Joel Osteen said about Jubilee at Hillsong Conference 2009...
"every fiftieth year was a very significant year.. it was called the year of Jubilee..it was a time of great celebration...most ppl back then, they only experience it once every lifetime and what made this year of Jubilee so significant was because....in this year, all the debts wil be canceled...all the slaves would be set free...all the servants, they would be released to go back to their original homes, be reunited with their families...not only that, all the property would be returned back to their original owners..
"for instance, if you sold your home years back cos u needed the money..and somebody pays you rent year after year...perhaps they even paid the property off. it didnt matter..in this fiftieth year, if it had your name on it.or your families' name on it... it would be returned back to you...
"it was a year that everybody looked forward to...a year of release...release from debt.. release from captivity.. release from unfair situations.... you could be working hard night and day... struggling year after year...but you knew if you could just make it to Jubilee, everything will be okay... Jubilee is coming...
"as great as Jubilee was, the great prophet Isaiah prophesied that something that was coming that was even better... he said, "the Spirit of LORD is upon me, to announce the year of God's favour / a day where the free favour of God profusely abounds.." Isaiah was saying there was a day coming, it's not here just yet..but there will be a day where God's people dont have to wait fifty years for Jubilee... but they can live IN Jubilee...
"many years later.. Jesus quoted this same passage...but he said," I'm not here to announce like the prophet Isaiah that Jubilee is coming. I'm here to declare that Jubilee has arrived."...and because of what Jesus has done, you and i dont have to wait 20 years to be blessed...you dont have to wait ten years to be free... you dont have to wait 5 years for God's favour...no, friends, this is your year of Jubilee...
"God is saying to you, this is your year to be released from every bondage...this is your year to be released from debt..to be released from sickness... to be released from addictions... to be released from depression... to be released from anything that is holding you back.. not only that, everything that has your name on it... God is saying that this is d year that He wanna restore that back to you... He wants to restore the business... restore the property... restore the dreams.. restore the health... this is your year to see the free favour of God profusely abound in you...
So yea, Jubilee..=)
i think it's just beautiful..haha...floflo agrees too..=)
but then floflo was saying if my family name is Lee.. then won't the gal be - Jubilee Lee? LOL.... well, we'll crack that nut later...
i just know that this year is my year of Jubilee... it's like suddenly life makes so much more sense... i cant really say how but i just know it in my soul...
i just know in my soul that this time i cant go wrong because i am letting God take control... i just know in my soul that this time it will be okay.. i dont have to be afraid.. just let go... and God will show the way...
it's like this year, the past doesnt matter anymore... because i can see the future.. a future of bright glory... a future waiting for my arrival... it's not a dream... i can see it.. but i just have to work it.. and walk towards it...
and everything that the enemy stole from me, i am claiming it back..
oh i went to the enemy's camp
and i took back what he stole from me
yes i took back what he stole from me
Oh i took back what he stole from me
he's under my feet
he's under my feet
he's under my feet
satan is under my feet
Enemy's Camp
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Damn you bastard child
The ghost of my past
That still lurks in the corners of my mind
I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you
You came to me in the form of a secret
Disguised yourself in innocence
And took root in my mind
Inch by inch i allowed you to stay
With every thought i entertained
i allowed myself to fall captive to your chains
years! years! i have laid motionless
years! years! i have stayed complacent
but no more!
you know i have a future!
you damn well know i have a purpose!
you bloody well know that you are afraid of what i can become!
so you haunt me in my memory
steal me in my dreams
but i am done playing games!
I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you
Now i understand even more why i am given this gift
To cry along with the lost...
To show them there is still a hope...
That a God still cares
A God who loves them so much that He came to die for their sins
Sins that they thought they should be the one to die for
Sins that I thought I should be the one that should be dead for
But love unfathomable came, and gave itself for us
so that we may live
so that I may live
and yes! I WILL LIVE...
yes! be afraid! be very afraid!
cos I am coming!!
i am coming even stronger than ever!!
and you will NOT BRING ME DOWN!!
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there
Do not rejoice over me, my enemy
When I fall, I will arise
When I sit in darkness
The LORD will be a light to me
Micah 7:8
****
Close my eyes
Falling on my knees
The hope that’s inside
An overwhelming peace
As time’s slowing down
Your soft spoken words
On my heart left a stain
Though no one’s around
And everything’s broken
Your beauty remains
And I realize the reason You came
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Shedding a tear
The taste becomes stale
‘Cause this is why I’m here
The scar of a nail
Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
Angels sing welcome home
Welcome home
And this is what I’ll sing for You
And this is what I’ll sing for You
Oh
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
I realize the reason You came
Hallelujah by Krystal Meyers
*back to normal blogging*
I really like this song... kinda fell in love with it accidentally... something about girls that can rock the guitar turns me on...(omgosh... sounds so wrong..lol) but yea... like how i always fancy ppl like Katy Perry, Avril Lavigne, Michelle Branch...Krystal Meyers?....lol....
i still wanna go see Katy Perry tho... anyone? =( *sobs*
well i apologize if you were horrifically astounded by what i wrote up there... it's just one of those moments.. when you really feel like gutting the devil's belly? yea.. one of those... it was very intense... haha... i was staring at the screen most of the time... with tears clogging up my eyes... those were genuine emotions...XD
but ah well, i learned my lesson today.. dont be complacent.... the devil knows.... and he will attack in every possible direction... what pastor preached last last week was very true... the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness... i need em more....
like Jesus, getting baptised in Holy Spirit was just one part of my journey... i still need to go thru the wilderness... still need to face my demons.... and like Jesus, i should counter the attacks with the Word of God... and not just try by my own will... cos we fail all the time...
it's just that well, things are starting to look well around here... i was telling a friend last night, that everything seems to be turning out well and exciting... so exciting that i grew a tad complacent.. and he struck...ah...well... no more... i will be prepared.. i will guard my heart..=)
long holidays are bad for richard lee... im growing lazy... cant wait for uni to start again....haha...XD
The ghost of my past
That still lurks in the corners of my mind
I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you
You came to me in the form of a secret
Disguised yourself in innocence
And took root in my mind
Inch by inch i allowed you to stay
With every thought i entertained
i allowed myself to fall captive to your chains
years! years! i have laid motionless
years! years! i have stayed complacent
but no more!
you know i have a future!
you damn well know i have a purpose!
you bloody well know that you are afraid of what i can become!
so you haunt me in my memory
steal me in my dreams
but i am done playing games!
I curse the day you were born
I curse the day i gave life to you
Now i understand even more why i am given this gift
To cry along with the lost...
To show them there is still a hope...
That a God still cares
A God who loves them so much that He came to die for their sins
Sins that they thought they should be the one to die for
Sins that I thought I should be the one that should be dead for
But love unfathomable came, and gave itself for us
so that we may live
so that I may live
and yes! I WILL LIVE...
yes! be afraid! be very afraid!
cos I am coming!!
i am coming even stronger than ever!!
and you will NOT BRING ME DOWN!!
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there
Do not rejoice over me, my enemy
When I fall, I will arise
When I sit in darkness
The LORD will be a light to me
Micah 7:8
****
Close my eyes
Falling on my knees
The hope that’s inside
An overwhelming peace
As time’s slowing down
Your soft spoken words
On my heart left a stain
Though no one’s around
And everything’s broken
Your beauty remains
And I realize the reason You came
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Shedding a tear
The taste becomes stale
‘Cause this is why I’m here
The scar of a nail
Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
Angels sing welcome home
Welcome home
And this is what I’ll sing for You
And this is what I’ll sing for You
Oh
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Heaven has the pleasure of having You here
Nothing can measure the love that You share
I realize the reason You came
Hallelujah by Krystal Meyers
*back to normal blogging*
I really like this song... kinda fell in love with it accidentally... something about girls that can rock the guitar turns me on...(omgosh... sounds so wrong..lol) but yea... like how i always fancy ppl like Katy Perry, Avril Lavigne, Michelle Branch...Krystal Meyers?....lol....
i still wanna go see Katy Perry tho... anyone? =( *sobs*
well i apologize if you were horrifically astounded by what i wrote up there... it's just one of those moments.. when you really feel like gutting the devil's belly? yea.. one of those... it was very intense... haha... i was staring at the screen most of the time... with tears clogging up my eyes... those were genuine emotions...XD
but ah well, i learned my lesson today.. dont be complacent.... the devil knows.... and he will attack in every possible direction... what pastor preached last last week was very true... the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness... i need em more....
like Jesus, getting baptised in Holy Spirit was just one part of my journey... i still need to go thru the wilderness... still need to face my demons.... and like Jesus, i should counter the attacks with the Word of God... and not just try by my own will... cos we fail all the time...
it's just that well, things are starting to look well around here... i was telling a friend last night, that everything seems to be turning out well and exciting... so exciting that i grew a tad complacent.. and he struck...ah...well... no more... i will be prepared.. i will guard my heart..=)
long holidays are bad for richard lee... im growing lazy... cant wait for uni to start again....haha...XD
Saturday, July 11, 2009
OMGOSH................... HI CHARMAINE!!!!! =DDDD MC-53 officially has a THIRD FOLLOWER...!!! =DDDD
ahem
u know what i miss?
i miss driving along the LDP Freeway at the wee hours of the day... no one on the road but me... crazy drivers speeding... but i keep my cool... and just cruise through along the tarmac.... everyone asleep in their homes.... with hints of dim lighting somewhere in that sea of slumbering darkness.... the street lights above me... the radio beside me.... and there's something magical about the dashboard... the way it lids up at night... it just cool.... driving pass 1U...empty, desolate, quiet.... i dunno... something about it makes me feel alive.... something fun about it....
yea i do drive home late alot last time... cos i had to stay back in uni for work most of the time... never thought that i will miss it... it never crossed my mind... but it's the simple things like this u just miss.... when everything comes to a halt... and u suddenly realize u do miss it after all...
i miss getting stuck in a jam... and how i force my way thru... so that i can get to uni on time... it is hilarious thinking about it now... i was SO agressive... and i am shouting in my car most of the time... astho the other drivers can hear me...haha.. JJ and Rudy on Hitz.fm..... ah... miss those jokers....
i miss annoying ppl by tailgating em ... i missed being annoyed by people tailgating me... and i miss annoying those ppl that tailgate me....lol..... how i annoy those that tailgate me? well i just wouldn't budge... and they will be forced to overtake me... i mean, i dun care.. im travelling at the maximum speed allowed... if u wanna go faster... then by all means over take me... but since im already on the fast lane... u just gota scoot over to the left then.. aint my problem... haha...but yea i know such attitude can get me bad if i bump into a road bully... thank God i have been discreet so far...XD
i miss fighting for car park space on the 4th floor of 1U... i do so often i can navigate it with my eyes closed... haha... it was fun... the anticipation of a car driving away... the watchful eyes carefully scanning the area for shoppers heading back to their cars... and the sudden jolt of my feet at the clutch, speeding towards them... and slowly inching behind em as they reached their cars... it was fierce... fierce indeed...
and as crazy as it sounds... i miss drving with my sister... we do the craziest things in the car... like seriously.... i miss teaching her how to drive... altho i would be screaming most of the time... but it was fun..=) yet nerve wrecking... cos u never when she's gonna dent the car... but hallelujah praise the Lord.. no harm is done to the car YET... haha...
i miss driving around not knowing where on earth am i going... and discovering new roads... its SO fun... especially when its late at night... why at night again? i have no idea... architects are owls... seriously....
and as much as i hated it, i miss having to constantly watch out for the heat meter at the dashboard.. cos the old Proton have a very old radiator.. and i needed to constantly moniter it... u never when it will need a refill again... so yea, gone thru a few times where i had to switch off the AC... it was just irritating... cos of the heat in Malaysia.. and ur on the road.. which makes it hotter.... and the dust and smoke from the cars... just eeww... i hated it... and have i mentioned how much i HATE bad exhaust? seriously, hate it BIG TIME.... ever since i came here, kinda miss the feeling of hating it... lol.... would like to hate it again...lol
simple things that we take for granted...oh wells.......
ahem
u know what i miss?
i miss driving along the LDP Freeway at the wee hours of the day... no one on the road but me... crazy drivers speeding... but i keep my cool... and just cruise through along the tarmac.... everyone asleep in their homes.... with hints of dim lighting somewhere in that sea of slumbering darkness.... the street lights above me... the radio beside me.... and there's something magical about the dashboard... the way it lids up at night... it just cool.... driving pass 1U...empty, desolate, quiet.... i dunno... something about it makes me feel alive.... something fun about it....
yea i do drive home late alot last time... cos i had to stay back in uni for work most of the time... never thought that i will miss it... it never crossed my mind... but it's the simple things like this u just miss.... when everything comes to a halt... and u suddenly realize u do miss it after all...
i miss getting stuck in a jam... and how i force my way thru... so that i can get to uni on time... it is hilarious thinking about it now... i was SO agressive... and i am shouting in my car most of the time... astho the other drivers can hear me...haha.. JJ and Rudy on Hitz.fm..... ah... miss those jokers....
i miss annoying ppl by tailgating em ... i missed being annoyed by people tailgating me... and i miss annoying those ppl that tailgate me....lol..... how i annoy those that tailgate me? well i just wouldn't budge... and they will be forced to overtake me... i mean, i dun care.. im travelling at the maximum speed allowed... if u wanna go faster... then by all means over take me... but since im already on the fast lane... u just gota scoot over to the left then.. aint my problem... haha...but yea i know such attitude can get me bad if i bump into a road bully... thank God i have been discreet so far...XD
i miss fighting for car park space on the 4th floor of 1U... i do so often i can navigate it with my eyes closed... haha... it was fun... the anticipation of a car driving away... the watchful eyes carefully scanning the area for shoppers heading back to their cars... and the sudden jolt of my feet at the clutch, speeding towards them... and slowly inching behind em as they reached their cars... it was fierce... fierce indeed...
and as crazy as it sounds... i miss drving with my sister... we do the craziest things in the car... like seriously.... i miss teaching her how to drive... altho i would be screaming most of the time... but it was fun..=) yet nerve wrecking... cos u never when she's gonna dent the car... but hallelujah praise the Lord.. no harm is done to the car YET... haha...
i miss driving around not knowing where on earth am i going... and discovering new roads... its SO fun... especially when its late at night... why at night again? i have no idea... architects are owls... seriously....
and as much as i hated it, i miss having to constantly watch out for the heat meter at the dashboard.. cos the old Proton have a very old radiator.. and i needed to constantly moniter it... u never when it will need a refill again... so yea, gone thru a few times where i had to switch off the AC... it was just irritating... cos of the heat in Malaysia.. and ur on the road.. which makes it hotter.... and the dust and smoke from the cars... just eeww... i hated it... and have i mentioned how much i HATE bad exhaust? seriously, hate it BIG TIME.... ever since i came here, kinda miss the feeling of hating it... lol.... would like to hate it again...lol
simple things that we take for granted...oh wells.......
Thursday, July 9, 2009
it is 5.14am... im crazy
this is wat i have been working on all night..
COMMENTS PPL
it's not final, of course... it's just a first attempt at giving it a fresh look, whilst still retaining the idea of a palm.... can u see it? =) it's kinda like a eye illusion... cos it is both a palm and a dove at the same time..=DD
COMMENTS PPL
gonna show pastor this friday....
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I want to....
I WANT TO WATCH ICE AGE 3..!!!!!
so kill joy lar yesterday.... and now that the date is called off i wonder who will go with me.... =( since those that wanna watch are already making their own plans for the next attempt...and everyone else sure no more mood to watch it already by now.... it's either they will be lazy to go cinema to watch it, or they will be just too mature to watch a cartoon...*bluek* =(
don't care... GRACE RMB TO GET THE DVD...i'm coming home to watch...=DDDD
*mumble mumble*
i guess i'm just the kind that doesn't realy go out much.. but when i do, i wanna make sure i gett do what i set out to do, or else i'd be disgruntled... lol... it's true... even for shopping... i dun shop much... but when i do, i take it to the max.... and if i come back empty handed......well... u wouldn't wanna know... it will be raining the whole day i guess....XD (by that, i don't mean crying.. i just mean it wll be a moody day, sometimes..depending on how much i was banking on being able to watch it.haha...kidd....)
I WANT TO WATCH TRANSFORMERS...!!!
i am anyway, tonight.. so wat the heck....
I WANT TO WATCH KATY PERRY LIVE IN MELBOURNE
but no one will go with me...=( but isn't she so cool? why don't u ppl like her? =( or would i go alone...? hmmmm....... nah
I WANT TO WRITE A NEW SONG...!!!
i have so many ideas bubbling in my head right now..SO MANY..... and my hands are so itchy now... but no guitar..=( WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY GUITAR???? *wail*
I WANT TO *holds breath* STOP THINKING AND JUST START ON MY RESUME AND CV AND PORTFOLIO SO THAT I CAN FIND A EMPLOYER AND THEN GET THE VISA DONE AND THEN I CAN STOP WORRYING IF I WILL HAVE TO FLY BACK TO MSIA
there u go... i'm done whining... now, time for lunch....
oh one more thing
I WANT ALTERED FREQUENCY'S NEW ALBUM..!!!
why la they take so long to release it? now that i'm here, only they decide to happily announce the new album is in stores...
somebody please go buy and rip and send over..=DDDD
I WANT TO WATCH ICE AGE 3..!!!!!
so kill joy lar yesterday.... and now that the date is called off i wonder who will go with me.... =( since those that wanna watch are already making their own plans for the next attempt...and everyone else sure no more mood to watch it already by now.... it's either they will be lazy to go cinema to watch it, or they will be just too mature to watch a cartoon...*bluek* =(
don't care... GRACE RMB TO GET THE DVD...i'm coming home to watch...=DDDD
*mumble mumble*
i guess i'm just the kind that doesn't realy go out much.. but when i do, i wanna make sure i gett do what i set out to do, or else i'd be disgruntled... lol... it's true... even for shopping... i dun shop much... but when i do, i take it to the max.... and if i come back empty handed......well... u wouldn't wanna know... it will be raining the whole day i guess....XD (by that, i don't mean crying.. i just mean it wll be a moody day, sometimes..depending on how much i was banking on being able to watch it.haha...kidd....)
I WANT TO WATCH TRANSFORMERS...!!!
i am anyway, tonight.. so wat the heck....
I WANT TO WATCH KATY PERRY LIVE IN MELBOURNE
but no one will go with me...=( but isn't she so cool? why don't u ppl like her? =( or would i go alone...? hmmmm....... nah
I WANT TO WRITE A NEW SONG...!!!
i have so many ideas bubbling in my head right now..SO MANY..... and my hands are so itchy now... but no guitar..=( WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY GUITAR???? *wail*
I WANT TO *holds breath* STOP THINKING AND JUST START ON MY RESUME AND CV AND PORTFOLIO SO THAT I CAN FIND A EMPLOYER AND THEN GET THE VISA DONE AND THEN I CAN STOP WORRYING IF I WILL HAVE TO FLY BACK TO MSIA
there u go... i'm done whining... now, time for lunch....
oh one more thing
I WANT ALTERED FREQUENCY'S NEW ALBUM..!!!
why la they take so long to release it? now that i'm here, only they decide to happily announce the new album is in stores...
somebody please go buy and rip and send over..=DDDD
Monday, July 6, 2009
oh my gosh...i re-read my recent posts and i realize my English SUCK big time....
like how i wrote "late back" instead of "laid back" and how i wrote "taking pictures are so not my thing" instead of "IS so not my thing"....@_@
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME????????
i just finished watching Australia... after like wat... breaking it up to 3, 4 times? it was just so boring i had to stop watching it and continue another time.. and today i officially finished watching one of the most boring shows ever... but i guess i just wanted to watch cos after all i AM in Australia.. so no harm watching a show about its history (more like a super drama-fied history in the case of this movie).... and it is just SO BORING.....
but for some strange reason i teared again in this show... WHY LAAAAAA.........
i-am-ab-nor-mal...
but hey, as much as my english suck... im getting paid lately to take trial english tests.. wohoooo~!!!! FIFTY DOLLARS again tomorrow...=DDDD
like how i wrote "late back" instead of "laid back" and how i wrote "taking pictures are so not my thing" instead of "IS so not my thing"....@_@
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME????????
i just finished watching Australia... after like wat... breaking it up to 3, 4 times? it was just so boring i had to stop watching it and continue another time.. and today i officially finished watching one of the most boring shows ever... but i guess i just wanted to watch cos after all i AM in Australia.. so no harm watching a show about its history (more like a super drama-fied history in the case of this movie).... and it is just SO BORING.....
but for some strange reason i teared again in this show... WHY LAAAAAA.........
i-am-ab-nor-mal...
but hey, as much as my english suck... im getting paid lately to take trial english tests.. wohoooo~!!!! FIFTY DOLLARS again tomorrow...=DDDD
the word of the day is
SERIOUS
am i too serious? will i ever learn to take it easy?
i guess it is just the way i am brought up... pa was never too laid back about anything he puts himself into... i also dunno why am i so serious... i thnk too much i know....
but i am learning
i am learning to find stability
i am learning to find a job
i am learning to control my finances
i am learning to take care of my health
i am learning to stand on my two feet
i am learning to control my emotions
i am learning to love selflessly
i am learning to surrender my heart
i am learning to be faithful in little things
i am learning to be true to myself
i am learning to be a man of integrity
i am learning...
i guess i am learning to be less serious as well.....
anyway...
YAY...annoying lil nameless squirrel.... here i come...!!!!!! i hope u really do get to eat ur nut this time... =DDD
SERIOUS
am i too serious? will i ever learn to take it easy?
i guess it is just the way i am brought up... pa was never too laid back about anything he puts himself into... i also dunno why am i so serious... i thnk too much i know....
but i am learning
i am learning to find stability
i am learning to find a job
i am learning to control my finances
i am learning to take care of my health
i am learning to stand on my two feet
i am learning to control my emotions
i am learning to love selflessly
i am learning to surrender my heart
i am learning to be faithful in little things
i am learning to be true to myself
i am learning to be a man of integrity
i am learning...
i guess i am learning to be less serious as well.....
anyway...
YAY...annoying lil nameless squirrel.... here i come...!!!!!! i hope u really do get to eat ur nut this time... =DDD
Sunday, July 5, 2009
first of all, i wanna give a shout out to Wina SW..!!!!! Hope i spelt ur username correctly...lol... i have no idea how u found my blog, and i dunno wats so good about my blog...but since u decided to follow my blog...
WELCOME~!...=DDD
Camp was fantastic.. and no... i have no pictures... i did bring my camera... and i did bring my charger too... but i just didnt take any pictures.... so weird isnt it.. i guess taking pictures are just so not me...@_@ sorry fellas... but i guess when my church members like Mat uploads the pics on FB and i get tagged thn u can view some... there is a geisha family portrait u guys gotta see...!!! =)
One thing i take away from camp
i realize that i have been having a wrong perception of my gift all along. my role is not to pray FOR anyone... but to pray WITH... so i sudnt be so concerned with what will God tell me... Cos God will in His own time... i'm just there to pray with em...
and i noticed that it's mostly simple words or sentences like 'victory', 'joy' or 'you are precious'... and i just go on from there... it's exciting i must say... =)
*****
you know, i like to think that i am emotonaly stronger now, but i realize that sometimes when u are not careful, u can mess things up pretty much again... i tok a walk with Geoff today, just to talk... i tot that it will help confirm the actions that i have taken lately. but i got even more confused towards the end of the day.... i started to stare into blankness again...@_@ so i got some of the guys to go for chocolate... heavenly chocolate...=DDD just to u know, get away.... but it didnt really help... came back home after and i had to sit on my bed... i started to talk senses back into myself... to realign myself again.. then, ah...yes... this was what i wanted to do... and this is what i am doing...
all's good now... i'm back on track.... but im just reminded of how murky it can all get sometimes....
WELCOME~!...=DDD
Camp was fantastic.. and no... i have no pictures... i did bring my camera... and i did bring my charger too... but i just didnt take any pictures.... so weird isnt it.. i guess taking pictures are just so not me...@_@ sorry fellas... but i guess when my church members like Mat uploads the pics on FB and i get tagged thn u can view some... there is a geisha family portrait u guys gotta see...!!! =)
One thing i take away from camp
i realize that i have been having a wrong perception of my gift all along. my role is not to pray FOR anyone... but to pray WITH... so i sudnt be so concerned with what will God tell me... Cos God will in His own time... i'm just there to pray with em...
and i noticed that it's mostly simple words or sentences like 'victory', 'joy' or 'you are precious'... and i just go on from there... it's exciting i must say... =)
*****
you know, i like to think that i am emotonaly stronger now, but i realize that sometimes when u are not careful, u can mess things up pretty much again... i tok a walk with Geoff today, just to talk... i tot that it will help confirm the actions that i have taken lately. but i got even more confused towards the end of the day.... i started to stare into blankness again...@_@ so i got some of the guys to go for chocolate... heavenly chocolate...=DDD just to u know, get away.... but it didnt really help... came back home after and i had to sit on my bed... i started to talk senses back into myself... to realign myself again.. then, ah...yes... this was what i wanted to do... and this is what i am doing...
all's good now... i'm back on track.... but im just reminded of how murky it can all get sometimes....
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
the author apologizes for the appalling lack of proper sentence structure and amount of grammatical error in this post... sometimes we get caught in the moment..haha
today was a very very fun day... seriously...=)
but i guess there is a time and place for everything... right now... right here... i just wanna write my thoughts......
it's funny how when you think you are the strongest that's when you are the weakest... because hey, it's not by your strength... cos our flesh fails... way too many times we fail.... but it's God... and every time we forget that simple truth is when we let our own flesh overcome us... but i thank God for His mercy... that i have not allowed myself to slip away again... life gets tough i guess....
camp is tomorrow... i am very excited... because not only will i be able to see 30cm tall penguins..=DDDDDD i also know in my heart that God will be moving in this camp... that change is inevitable and a revolution is starting... be it in our hearts, our attitudes or our minds... change will come... and it will come on like a flood...
probably excited also because this is my first winter camp... went to mornington peninsula with marc and euric today and it was CRAZY.... the winds were SO strong... i lost my beanie today...it flew off from my open bag....=( *sobs* but yea, it was CRAZY.... u cannot move at all sometimes... cos its jst so strong... so i was telling myself, if this is just a cape and it's like this...imagine what will it be like tmr when u are on an island....EIK!!! haha....
but one thing i know i seriously need to let go off in this camp, is to stop regretting and move on and do something about the here and now... so many times it has happened.. every time when i am reminded of how much i allowed slip by me when i was in msia, every time without fail i get moved to tears... because i just can't forgive myself for what i have done.... i dunno why... but i just do... i beat myself up every time.... and i will cry and cry before God... but i never seem to get over it....
like last sunday... zita was so nice to be open enough to go to church with marc and euric... i was very happy that she decided to go along with them... and so i went along as well... for moral support... the service was great.. i mean hey it's PLANETSHAKERS...what do u expect? but anyway... at the end of everything, towards the alter call... i just suddenly had this familiar burden once again falling upon me...so so strong burden that i just couldn't sweep aside... and it was talking to me... it said, " Richard, u had THREE years with Zita when you were still at college back home, but u did nothing... now she's here, came alll the way here to visit u guys and shes here at church..and u're gonna do nothing?"....
it broke me... it seriously did... i kept asking God for forgiveness...and that He will have mercy on Zita... so that she may know Him... i just couldn't stop tearing... and a part of me fought back... a part of me was afraid to ask her if i can pray for her... i didnt know how she'd react... but u know what, i did it anyway...
me: can i pray for u?
zita: yea sure why not? =)
me: okay =)
zita: what do i do?
me: just close your eyes
and i prayed... the music was blaring...so i went close to her ears... and i prayed my heart out... i surrendered her life, her studies, her family, our friendship all into God's hands... after the prayer... she hugged me.. for quite a while i must say... i dunno... maybe she was touched... but i knew right there and then, i planted another seed in her life...
i had to go off early cos i was gonna meet pastor and sharon back at RCC... but u know, while i was on the tram, i was fighting to hold back the tears that are just clogging up my eyes... right there and then God was speaking to me... and i said yes Lord, i will do what you want me to do from now on...
i was worried that i'd get too emo and will need somebody to pray with me later when i reach church... i was thinking maybe Ed or Geoff... but when i entered the hall, someone called out my name... and somehow it all just dissolved away... and i didnt even notice it happening until i reflected on the day at my bed, but yea, my tears were swept away just like tht... oh well, but thats another story altogether...
but yea, having said all this, i realize that altho i have this awful burden on me, but it made me grow closer to God... like seriously... Richard Lee is entering into the prayer ministry, believe it or not? i dun... haha... but... since the time i last prayed for Wil at church, till now, many things has happened... and it made me grow... and since then i have said many more prayers... for different individuals... and for some reason sometimes i duno how and why, but they'd come to me and say tell me how i said words that they needed to hear or words that they wanted to express themselves but didnt know how to... and somehow, my prayer helped... somehow.... i honestly dun really know what i am blabbering most of the time... but recently i prayed for Wil... and after the prayer i told him i didnt know what i was blabbering about... but he said i blabbered all the right things... that, i didnt expect...
But yea, i wanna go to this camp expecting to bless someone as well.... anyone for that matter... just wanna be there to pray with somebody.... yea, i would love that... and i realize that the more i pray, the more confident i am in my prayer.. and i pray differently now... it's more forceful...somehow...
so yea... camp here i come~!!!!!!
time to shower and pack..=DDDDD
today was a very very fun day... seriously...=)
but i guess there is a time and place for everything... right now... right here... i just wanna write my thoughts......
it's funny how when you think you are the strongest that's when you are the weakest... because hey, it's not by your strength... cos our flesh fails... way too many times we fail.... but it's God... and every time we forget that simple truth is when we let our own flesh overcome us... but i thank God for His mercy... that i have not allowed myself to slip away again... life gets tough i guess....
camp is tomorrow... i am very excited... because not only will i be able to see 30cm tall penguins..=DDDDDD i also know in my heart that God will be moving in this camp... that change is inevitable and a revolution is starting... be it in our hearts, our attitudes or our minds... change will come... and it will come on like a flood...
probably excited also because this is my first winter camp... went to mornington peninsula with marc and euric today and it was CRAZY.... the winds were SO strong... i lost my beanie today...it flew off from my open bag....=( *sobs* but yea, it was CRAZY.... u cannot move at all sometimes... cos its jst so strong... so i was telling myself, if this is just a cape and it's like this...imagine what will it be like tmr when u are on an island....EIK!!! haha....
but one thing i know i seriously need to let go off in this camp, is to stop regretting and move on and do something about the here and now... so many times it has happened.. every time when i am reminded of how much i allowed slip by me when i was in msia, every time without fail i get moved to tears... because i just can't forgive myself for what i have done.... i dunno why... but i just do... i beat myself up every time.... and i will cry and cry before God... but i never seem to get over it....
like last sunday... zita was so nice to be open enough to go to church with marc and euric... i was very happy that she decided to go along with them... and so i went along as well... for moral support... the service was great.. i mean hey it's PLANETSHAKERS...what do u expect? but anyway... at the end of everything, towards the alter call... i just suddenly had this familiar burden once again falling upon me...so so strong burden that i just couldn't sweep aside... and it was talking to me... it said, " Richard, u had THREE years with Zita when you were still at college back home, but u did nothing... now she's here, came alll the way here to visit u guys and shes here at church..and u're gonna do nothing?"....
it broke me... it seriously did... i kept asking God for forgiveness...and that He will have mercy on Zita... so that she may know Him... i just couldn't stop tearing... and a part of me fought back... a part of me was afraid to ask her if i can pray for her... i didnt know how she'd react... but u know what, i did it anyway...
me: can i pray for u?
zita: yea sure why not? =)
me: okay =)
zita: what do i do?
me: just close your eyes
and i prayed... the music was blaring...so i went close to her ears... and i prayed my heart out... i surrendered her life, her studies, her family, our friendship all into God's hands... after the prayer... she hugged me.. for quite a while i must say... i dunno... maybe she was touched... but i knew right there and then, i planted another seed in her life...
i had to go off early cos i was gonna meet pastor and sharon back at RCC... but u know, while i was on the tram, i was fighting to hold back the tears that are just clogging up my eyes... right there and then God was speaking to me... and i said yes Lord, i will do what you want me to do from now on...
i was worried that i'd get too emo and will need somebody to pray with me later when i reach church... i was thinking maybe Ed or Geoff... but when i entered the hall, someone called out my name... and somehow it all just dissolved away... and i didnt even notice it happening until i reflected on the day at my bed, but yea, my tears were swept away just like tht... oh well, but thats another story altogether...
but yea, having said all this, i realize that altho i have this awful burden on me, but it made me grow closer to God... like seriously... Richard Lee is entering into the prayer ministry, believe it or not? i dun... haha... but... since the time i last prayed for Wil at church, till now, many things has happened... and it made me grow... and since then i have said many more prayers... for different individuals... and for some reason sometimes i duno how and why, but they'd come to me and say tell me how i said words that they needed to hear or words that they wanted to express themselves but didnt know how to... and somehow, my prayer helped... somehow.... i honestly dun really know what i am blabbering most of the time... but recently i prayed for Wil... and after the prayer i told him i didnt know what i was blabbering about... but he said i blabbered all the right things... that, i didnt expect...
But yea, i wanna go to this camp expecting to bless someone as well.... anyone for that matter... just wanna be there to pray with somebody.... yea, i would love that... and i realize that the more i pray, the more confident i am in my prayer.. and i pray differently now... it's more forceful...somehow...
so yea... camp here i come~!!!!!!
time to shower and pack..=DDDDD
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