sin by pure definition is living out of God's will.. if that is the case, i am in deep trouble ...
today we asked what is the point of suffering. why is it there? the answer is there is no point. there isnt meant to be any point.
suffering is a resultant of sin. and tht's tht.. no point to it. it just is.
therefore suffering will always be there. till the very end...it will remain till God comes back again.. (Rom 5:18-25)
an interesting point today was that we are both born in the image of God and man. (1 Cor 15:49)By that virtue we can choose between the two. to live in the flesh or to live in God...
so if sin by pure definition is living out of God's will... hmmm......
note to self: i should go back for more
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
oops i did it again
disclaimer: i predict from now on, considering the latest trends in posts, it will be a very moody ride.. so dont bother reading from now on, i will just waste your time
yeap i did it again.. i had an excuse last week.. but no excuse today... i blame the bed? ahh... stupid.. i dunno why this is happening... i think i know.. maybe i am just lazy... last night my mother asked me if i lost my zeal to go to church... she even asked me if my name is written in the book of life... i fell silent for a while, staring into space.. i didnt know what to say... cos to be frank i dont know.. am i a christian? do i believe in God? is He real to me? i just muttered back to my mum 'i hope so'...
i thank God for friends like jessica. who is dedicated and cares. she tried to wake me up to go to church. and when she was at church she texted me to asked if i am coming to church. she came home and called my apartment to ask why i didnt go to church. haha.. so cute la she... but it is nice to know that someone cares and still bothers.. but do i bother?
to think that last time i was the one that would look around the church wondering where is she and i would be the one texting her to ask if she is okay, if she will be coming.. guess the table's turned..
i think deep down this is a culmination of all that trash that has been happening in my life for the past couple of years.. maybe it started from the day i got my spm results.. maybe.. maybe i was pushing it away all the time and never really addressing it.. falling deeper and deeper each time and sugar coating it with innocence... nice job Richard... a masterpiece for a disaster...
its not like i dont wanna share.. but who can i share it with? everybody is so busy.. everybody have their own priorities.. i hope someone would notice.. because i am tired of reaching... maybe i put on a strong front too much.. ppl stop wondering if i am permeable... oops sorry you're very wrong.. im just a puppet on a string.. string's broken now.. but no one notices... nice job Richard
who am i gonna share it with? no one. cause no one will listen and not change their opinion about me.. everyone will go, uhh, so you're like that wan ah? i see...... and go into deep thought... nah, no one will listen... it has become so personal and deep with history, pain and shame, i just wonder who will listen.. its not something you can solve in a jiffy.. so i wonder who will have the time...
maybe it was a bad idea after all to have an imaginary church in your head. cause eventually you will join that church in your head and stop believing in the one on earth.
when did i become so bitter?
what am i living for? what is this life all about? my dad told me that when he was my age he didnt have the time or luxury to ask that question. cos he just has no money and he gotta do whatever it takes to survive.. but that doesnt really solve the question, does it?
but considering that my dad doesnt have the luxury to ask this question. that he had no money so he had to work his life out, and now here i am asking this question, with all the providence that he never had.. a roof over my head, money to spend, food to eat, a uni all the way down under, yet i am asking this question... makes me wonder what kind of person i am.. i must be a monster.. an ungrateful bastard...
they say your greatest enemy is yourself.. so i guess i have to kill this bastard... which another ever so popular and recurring question will present itself again - what is life about? what am i living for? what is the point? eat love pray and eat love pray again...
what am i doing?
back to the mouse wheel called circle of life... *cues Lion King Opening Sequence*
yeap i did it again.. i had an excuse last week.. but no excuse today... i blame the bed? ahh... stupid.. i dunno why this is happening... i think i know.. maybe i am just lazy... last night my mother asked me if i lost my zeal to go to church... she even asked me if my name is written in the book of life... i fell silent for a while, staring into space.. i didnt know what to say... cos to be frank i dont know.. am i a christian? do i believe in God? is He real to me? i just muttered back to my mum 'i hope so'...
i thank God for friends like jessica. who is dedicated and cares. she tried to wake me up to go to church. and when she was at church she texted me to asked if i am coming to church. she came home and called my apartment to ask why i didnt go to church. haha.. so cute la she... but it is nice to know that someone cares and still bothers.. but do i bother?
to think that last time i was the one that would look around the church wondering where is she and i would be the one texting her to ask if she is okay, if she will be coming.. guess the table's turned..
i think deep down this is a culmination of all that trash that has been happening in my life for the past couple of years.. maybe it started from the day i got my spm results.. maybe.. maybe i was pushing it away all the time and never really addressing it.. falling deeper and deeper each time and sugar coating it with innocence... nice job Richard... a masterpiece for a disaster...
its not like i dont wanna share.. but who can i share it with? everybody is so busy.. everybody have their own priorities.. i hope someone would notice.. because i am tired of reaching... maybe i put on a strong front too much.. ppl stop wondering if i am permeable... oops sorry you're very wrong.. im just a puppet on a string.. string's broken now.. but no one notices... nice job Richard
who am i gonna share it with? no one. cause no one will listen and not change their opinion about me.. everyone will go, uhh, so you're like that wan ah? i see...... and go into deep thought... nah, no one will listen... it has become so personal and deep with history, pain and shame, i just wonder who will listen.. its not something you can solve in a jiffy.. so i wonder who will have the time...
maybe it was a bad idea after all to have an imaginary church in your head. cause eventually you will join that church in your head and stop believing in the one on earth.
when did i become so bitter?
what am i living for? what is this life all about? my dad told me that when he was my age he didnt have the time or luxury to ask that question. cos he just has no money and he gotta do whatever it takes to survive.. but that doesnt really solve the question, does it?
but considering that my dad doesnt have the luxury to ask this question. that he had no money so he had to work his life out, and now here i am asking this question, with all the providence that he never had.. a roof over my head, money to spend, food to eat, a uni all the way down under, yet i am asking this question... makes me wonder what kind of person i am.. i must be a monster.. an ungrateful bastard...
they say your greatest enemy is yourself.. so i guess i have to kill this bastard... which another ever so popular and recurring question will present itself again - what is life about? what am i living for? what is the point? eat love pray and eat love pray again...
what am i doing?
back to the mouse wheel called circle of life... *cues Lion King Opening Sequence*
Saturday, October 2, 2010
It is so short isnt it? This thing called life... Found out that Ng Zhi Qi is with us no more. Not like I know her or anything... I just happen to have a habit of adding random girls.. *shy...* ANYWAY... THE POINT IS.... life is so short... u never know when u will just poof~ and byebye~ *wave hands*
sigh...
it shook me a little tho'... couldnt really sleep last night.. at the back of my head i kept thinking what if like zhi qi, u die in ur sleep, and this is the last night ever.. i bet she never knew what was coming... i bet in her quiet slumber, as her soul left her body, she must have been holding on for a while... there are so many things left to achieve .. so many things yet to do... so many dreams, shattered, gone...
Makes me wonder what am I doing with my life...
Sometimes i am so bad at what i do, i really wonder am i cut out for this.. do i really wanna do architecture? one of the comments i got from my tutor is - can u critically analyse what you are doing... but that is the problem isnt it? i never critically analyse what i am doing...
sometimes its not that i dont want to, i dont really know how... but sometimes it is has become a habit.. a very bad habit...
i am a bit of a mess, arent i?
i will always rmb the time when pastor ruth shared her testimony of how she felt so small and insignificant when compared to a youth leader in her church. he was talented, did many great things... she wondered how could she compare... but God revealed to her that this boy is actually like a tin sausepan, shiny on the outside but rotten and decayed on the inside... i'm sure pastor Ruth had her good intentions of sharing such a testimony.. it's great, beautiful story... but it just reminds me of myself, a reflection of who i really am...
i have done many wrong things in the past.. most of them i keep a secret.. most of them will probably destroy the image of me in your eyes... i have done so many wrong things i dont know if i remember what it feels like to do it right anymore...
one of my fears and struggles is... i dont know if i can love someone a right way anymore... i guess it is silly for me to say so... but really... right now right here, i dont know how... to look at a person with teenage innocence... to blush when your eyes meet.. to look back again with no regrets... to hold a hand and not let go... making memories together that will last a lifetime...
sometimes i ask myself.. so what if you graduate, find a job, get paid, rise the ranks and do what? everyone working everyday, pay bills pay rent pay mortgage, becoming like a mouse on a wheel of consumerism, making the world go round n round n round... for what? what am i living for?
what am i living for?
i'll share with u one last story before i go off...
working at subway, u meet all sorts of 'amazing' ppl... and i mean amazing to both the extreme ends of the scale.. most times its really amazingly horrid... but sometimes, like this one time, you get a really amazing customer walk in...
she wasnt young.. probably in her 60s.. very soft spoken and gentle... came up to the counter for 4 subs... later she asked if the breads will be too hard for ppl with dentures to eat... i gave her the soft ones and the whole process and making the four subs probably took 5 minutes... and we had a lil small talk about the old folks she is buying them for. maybe they are homeless.. maybe they are from a home or shelter... we get a lot of such places here... all along while i was putting the sandwiches together, i wondered if she was a christian but i didnt want to ask, some ppl might find it offensive... and after i passed her her change, she smiled back at me and uttered a gentle ' God bless you..'...
at that point I really wanted to cry... cos i saw an image of what i was before in her eyes.. the passion for ppl.. the passion for souls.. and i know deep down inside she is fulfilled and happy.. to know that her life is a blessing... i was like that... a distant memory of who i was.. but somewhere along the way somethings happened.. and... i dont really know how to get there anymore...
sigh...
it shook me a little tho'... couldnt really sleep last night.. at the back of my head i kept thinking what if like zhi qi, u die in ur sleep, and this is the last night ever.. i bet she never knew what was coming... i bet in her quiet slumber, as her soul left her body, she must have been holding on for a while... there are so many things left to achieve .. so many things yet to do... so many dreams, shattered, gone...
Makes me wonder what am I doing with my life...
Sometimes i am so bad at what i do, i really wonder am i cut out for this.. do i really wanna do architecture? one of the comments i got from my tutor is - can u critically analyse what you are doing... but that is the problem isnt it? i never critically analyse what i am doing...
sometimes its not that i dont want to, i dont really know how... but sometimes it is has become a habit.. a very bad habit...
i am a bit of a mess, arent i?
i will always rmb the time when pastor ruth shared her testimony of how she felt so small and insignificant when compared to a youth leader in her church. he was talented, did many great things... she wondered how could she compare... but God revealed to her that this boy is actually like a tin sausepan, shiny on the outside but rotten and decayed on the inside... i'm sure pastor Ruth had her good intentions of sharing such a testimony.. it's great, beautiful story... but it just reminds me of myself, a reflection of who i really am...
i have done many wrong things in the past.. most of them i keep a secret.. most of them will probably destroy the image of me in your eyes... i have done so many wrong things i dont know if i remember what it feels like to do it right anymore...
one of my fears and struggles is... i dont know if i can love someone a right way anymore... i guess it is silly for me to say so... but really... right now right here, i dont know how... to look at a person with teenage innocence... to blush when your eyes meet.. to look back again with no regrets... to hold a hand and not let go... making memories together that will last a lifetime...
sometimes i ask myself.. so what if you graduate, find a job, get paid, rise the ranks and do what? everyone working everyday, pay bills pay rent pay mortgage, becoming like a mouse on a wheel of consumerism, making the world go round n round n round... for what? what am i living for?
what am i living for?
i'll share with u one last story before i go off...
working at subway, u meet all sorts of 'amazing' ppl... and i mean amazing to both the extreme ends of the scale.. most times its really amazingly horrid... but sometimes, like this one time, you get a really amazing customer walk in...
she wasnt young.. probably in her 60s.. very soft spoken and gentle... came up to the counter for 4 subs... later she asked if the breads will be too hard for ppl with dentures to eat... i gave her the soft ones and the whole process and making the four subs probably took 5 minutes... and we had a lil small talk about the old folks she is buying them for. maybe they are homeless.. maybe they are from a home or shelter... we get a lot of such places here... all along while i was putting the sandwiches together, i wondered if she was a christian but i didnt want to ask, some ppl might find it offensive... and after i passed her her change, she smiled back at me and uttered a gentle ' God bless you..'...
at that point I really wanted to cry... cos i saw an image of what i was before in her eyes.. the passion for ppl.. the passion for souls.. and i know deep down inside she is fulfilled and happy.. to know that her life is a blessing... i was like that... a distant memory of who i was.. but somewhere along the way somethings happened.. and... i dont really know how to get there anymore...
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