Desperate Ah Sohs (Teaser)

(last night.....)

Richard: (turns to Euric) What's a drag club?
Marc: (shouts from the room) What you did just now larr...!!
Richard: (fixes his eyes on Euric and paused)
Oh.... hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

***

what was that about? i dunno... lol....stay tuned to find out...=D

but be prepared...be VERY PREPARED....

HELLO~! its 2.18am....wah...daddy dont kill me.... XD

lately my sense of time has all been upside down... i wake up to questioning if i had slept at all, only to find that i slept too much... or i stay up SO long... i forgot how much my body misses the touch of my bed... i rmb laying my body down on my beloved bed after 12 hours of torturous architectural brain squeezing and how heavy my head felt when i touched the pillow... it was like ...aahhhh....nice.......

anyway im not here to talk about my fraternization with my beloved...

i realize that i came to miss alot of ppl along the way as i so...blindly walked my life so far... i dunno...its.... bugging me....

of cos, to everything there is a precedent...

this morning we (cathy desmond and i ) went to church with our neighbour - aunty margerie and her youngest son daniel... dan has his own sets of problems... for his privacy i will not disclose much info on this public domain... but his mother has been praying for him... praying that he find God real once again... life gave him many reason to stop believing... i might end up abandoning my faith as well if i went thru what he went thru... u never know... im just grateful i dont have to go thru em... but he did...and in a way..he is lost...

but he is a smart kid... 5th year med student..he dances... plays the french horn and the piano... very pleasant fellow... and he plays tennis (which of cos yours truly doesnt..haha)

but i was just talking to cathy over dinner and i realize how much he needs God altho e may not realize it now... but yea...he does..so so much... and i felt grateful... grateful that the youths at Reach was there to welcome him and to take an interest in him... i was touched, altho i have only met dan twice... but i knew somehow, it was a great seed that we have planted in his heart... whether or not he comes back thats not up to us... but at least we were there for God to use us...

i sent a msg to thank everyone after that... everyone that came to talk to him...will even mentioned he'd follow up on dan... thats really good to hear =)

but dan got me thinking...or rather he reminded me of all the ppl i have come to miss... not miss as in missing em... but i missed them..gone... no more chances or rather i allowed the chances to slip by... ppl like..

cheryl see
yes, i have been thinking about her... been wondering how is she and how has she been doing... what has she become and what will she be in the future... i will never ever forget her maybe becos of the circumstances in which our lives collided... but really, hows cheryl.. i dunno... havent speak to her for ages...

amanda low
she was the gal that passed me the letter at the end of high school... the gal that i never really came to realize how much i have impacted her... and how much i actually meant to her... i still rmb the present she gave me... im stil keeping it...in my room back home... but how is she now? hows her relationship with her bf? i dunno... i havent seen her in ages...

yue seng
the fella that somehow always sat behind me for my two years at KB... that fella that was always the perceived outcast of the class... the fella that was always the center of bullies and jokes amongst classmates... that fella with the awkward behavior...and that contant figetting of his body.... i was there to stand up for him when ever i think i can... but have i done enough? the last i heard, he was at KDU...still as awkward as ever... i wonder how is he doing now... i wonder if i should have spent more time on him....

siew huey
the girl that was my best mate at primary school... the gal that stood up for me when i couldnt fend for myself... the gal that was the only real fren i had all along at primary school... the gal who tried to maintain contact with me ever since we parted ways for our seperate secondary education... how she tried... but i didnt even bother making an effort to maintain it... but till the day i was about to leave for australia, she never forgotten about me... she called... but we never met...never got around to it.... till now i have never met her... i wonder how is she doing... wonder why didnt i take effort to reach out to her....

many more... many more faces... some with names... some with names i have forgotten...

sometimes i think i move on too fast...yes i do wallow in the pain... but i move on... i will meet new ppl... warm up to them... and just move on... now i think maybe i move on way too fast....

but i guess this will make me and teach me to appreciate my friends even more...

i am so happy to see all the familiar faces at youth lately... and when one is missing... i realize i get anxious... i'd wanna know why... i'd wanna know how he or she is doing...why didnt the person come for youth... i realize i care more now...in a way...

but in all honesty...youth is all that makes melbourne interesting now... everything else is just so....boring.... if not for these people.... i guess i wouldnt mind leaving melbourne without a second thought.... but yea... this is my family now... and i think im begin to love em...=)

watch this first...=)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d4FFkMz978&feature=popular


You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

oh my gosh... tell me i didnt wanted to cry just now after watchng he music video to this song's MV on youtube just now...

no im not being emo and no im not missing anyone for that matter.... but strangely enough... the video reminds me of how i am that boy in the video, distracted by so many things, and yet God is just standing outside my window, waiting to tell me that He loves me... and how He is always standing at the sidelines cheering me on because i placed Him there...instead, i rather have my distractions be my cheerleaders, or so to speak... and its funny how in the end the girl finally gets to show the boy the paper note that she has been keeping all along that reads ' i love u' and how the boy took out his paper that read the same thing as well... and it all ended with a kiss... i was like aaawwww...lol....

but well, as autumn falls away and winter comes crashing in, as the semester gets tough for this few last weeks, soldier on everyone..!!!! God loves you and He is just waiting at your window out in the blistering cold, waiting for you to just let Him in... =)

so rmb~! God loves you very very much..=)

the word of the day is GAH... G-A-H.... GAH...!!!

the action of the day is slap... slap yourself awake

the objective of the day is focus... stop dreaming and focus...!!!

and i say again.. the word of the day is GAH... G-A-H... GAH...!!!!



Lord help me... =(

My son, do not forget my law
But let your heart keep my commands
For length of days and long life
and peace they will add to you

Let not mercy and truth forsake you
Bind them around your neck
Write them on the tablets of your heart
And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him
And He shall direct your paths

(and it goes on....)

Proverbs Chapter 3

i woke up this morning to get this done... it was easy i guess... but when i sat to write down my wishes to my mum.. it was kinda hard.... i tried not to be emotional... but how can one not be in situations such as this...

to my dear mother, this is for u.... hopefully grace doesnt mess up the printing...lol

My dear mother

The image of you reading Proverbs 3 to me the day I flew to Australia never left my mind. It is as vivid as ever because those were the words that gave life to this barren soul. Because of your love for your son, today he is growing even more in God than you can ever imagine. Because of your unceasing love for your son, today he is a better man. I’m sorry that I couldn’t spend mother’s day with you this year, and probably for the next few more years down the road. But I do promise you that one day we will celebrate mother’s day again, together as one big family. Till that day comes, always know that your son misses you and loves you very very much…

Your son, with love

Richard Lee

i sat there at the corner to observe once again... i wonder if you noticed... but i did.... i sat at the corner as the youths gathered at the stage to run thru the practice together with the band... and as wil was giving out instructions, i sat there and i just thought to myself..

this is a nice group of people... i guess i wouldnt mind calling them home.. but do i love em?

i found that the honest answer is - no...not enough...not yet...

and for some reason i found myself eating myself up... i dunno why....

anita bought the cake today for all the may babies... well maybe she didnt buy but i guess she took the effort to go grab it? whatever... but thats not my point... wats my point? i dunno... im so self-conflicting....

during the cake session...i felt lonely. all of the sudden... in the crowd of ppl.... i felt lonely... i stood there in the midst of em all... and i was like hey, ur the only one here, rite now at this very moment, that doesnt have a fren to talk to... i looked around and wondered if i should be joining some of their conversations... but then i felt like i didnt wanna interrupt...so weird...its like i wnna talk to ppl but i dun wanna talk to ppl as well... wat the? @_@

but one thing tho... today when i saw anita... i was beaming.... and when i saw amelin and jess, i was beaming even more!! i practically hopped over and smiled at them... i just felt so happy to see them.... =)

i guess what i am really trying to say is tht... i need to learn to love every one of em more... and thru that a passion for them will come... i mean like, at least now im starting to notice who arent around...like giang... oh well, anyway, yea, i mean... i just need to learn to love em... i just find that there is much more meaning in tht than to just come every week and say hi and go back... i wanna be a blessing as well.... i wanna have passion for this youth as well....

so u know what i did after i felt lonely? i walked about, wondering if anyone noticed... i guess no one did... so in the end i sought out zai ming... tht poor fella was all alone as well... so i talked to him in the end...=)

i am not blaming anyone for not noticing... cos sumtimes i do go under the radar on purpose.. and i do understand that there are lines to be drawn.... i guess i wish geoff was here today... i would have gone to talk to him...

but yea i know that in the end, it all takes time... but im just wondering why is it taking so long...

yes, my impatience is talking again...

remember you're 21 now...so gotta grow up..

sigh..................

.........i know

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

please indulge me

(minutes before i am writing this post)

me: helo?
sis: helo? ko?
me: helo~! =)
sis: are u sleeping?
me: *snooorrrrreeeee*
sis: *giggles* stop la
me: *snnnorreeee* *snore snore* *snnnoorrreeeee*
sis: wei, stop la
me: *snore*
sis: *giggles* are u planning to do anything for mother's day?
me: *snore snore snore* (i dont know)
sis: what? eh i dun understand la...
me and sis: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaaha

*fast forward*

sis: okay bye
me: bye~!
sis: bbyyyeeee
me: byebye!
sis: byeeeee
me: bye~!
sis: *giggles* eh this is so wrong... im not even talking to my boyfren...!!
me: yea..hahaha.... 'you put down first; no, you put down first; no, yoouuu put down first'....
sis: *giggles*
me: *giggles*
sis: bye... im realy putting down the phone wan ah
me: bye.....
sis: .......
me: hello? ......hello?
sis: ........
me: oh great, she really did hang up...hahaha


just thought i'd share with you how random both of us can be...=)

missing u my dear sister..=)

Dear You

will you take my hand and scream till the night falls away?
will you dance with me, tipsy and bare footed, under the pouring rain?
will you run with me, pausing to catch a breath, only to taunt me for another round?
will you take a drive with me along hillsides and seasides, as we watch the sun take rest?
will you sit with me under candle lights and paper birds as we count the time away?
will you lie with me under the vast night sky and count the stars one by one?
will you sit next to me under the summer sun, bedazzled by the rainbow in the sky?
will you stand with me at the edges of the beach as the waves bury our feet in the sand?
will you sing with me and laugh ourselves silly at the end of the day?
will you scream and jump with me when you have finally reached the top?
will you pass me that tissue box as you pretend to be crying as well, as we watch a soapy movie?
will you wake me up in the morning with Honey Stars in your hair?
will you let me sing to you even when you know i'd mess it up anyway?
will you let me hold your hand even when all is crashing down on you?
will you let me see you even when you dont feel deserving anymore?
will you pick me up even when i have given u a reason not to?
will you pray with me, every night before we lay to rest, every morn before we rise to live?
will you wait with me, everyday till the day we meet again under that february tree?
will you know that i am here? always here...everyday here....

but unfortunately, dear you, you don't exist..........=) and i guess it doesnt matter....because perfection is not mine to deserve.... i will just settle for warm and fuzzy, i guess...=)

i still smell of hydrogen peroxide!!!!!!

guess what i found this morning????


i was like OMG....my fav "RED-N-ORANGE-STRIPEY-SHIRT-FROM-HONGKONG"!!!!!!!!! wat happened????!!!!! ..... silly dye lar wat else? =( i guess i was to hyped up on saturday night that i didnt notice it....

so anyway...for those who still arent aware... the RRREEEDDDDD Surprise that was due on the 3rd of May is my hair... yes... no more virgin hair...lol.....who cares..? im 21~! lol....


this pose is for my sister... since u liked it so much...for wateva reason i shant request to know...=D no doubt i was feeling warm and fuzzy... lol.... i was camwhoring in the toilet!!!! of the architecture building!!! ....im changing... haha.... anyway... this was taken on monday night after i came from the city...*warm and fuzzy* lol =)






signing off, yours truly....

would you give me time? would you let me learn?

my feet is starting to smell... eww... i can smell it from here....eeww

okay... sorry to start off with my randomness... but yea *sniff*... eeww.... LOL =)

at least im not bringing my lappie into the toilet anymore...LOL....eww! u thought i ws for real??...haha...

i know many of you have been asking how was my birthday... two words.. no, wait, three words... WARM N FUZZY..=)

but if u need more details, just make an appointment with me on msn...lol...=) just that its too long a story... better if you heard it straight off from my lips, better... =)

but ah... rmb the two promises i made? i think stumbled just now... it was SO easy to give in... sigh... yes... big boy already... gotta grow up.... =( but in any case, i thank God for pulling me back before i could have fallen... cos i know i rather wait till its safe to land, the long fall back to earth is the hardest part...

why i said my brithday was warm and fuzzy cos it was really one of a kind... it the only birthday so far where i got such a strong visitation of God... that morning at church i cried like a baby... and i kept crying.... i went on my knees and gave it all to God... all the unanswered questions... all the hidden hurts... all the avoided uncertainties... all possibilities of a future and hope.... i gave it all back..... it was difficult... but it was liberating... some of em asked me how was my bday... and i said liberating.. they gave me that weird look... lol.... but i know what i meant....

but today, just now, i fumbled... again, easily satisfied with progress... again easily put off track cos of a lil sweetness... richard....focus! i felt quite bad after that... felt that i dissappointed myself, dissappointed my friend, dissappointed God... =( but its funy how God always turns the table around everytime i do my devo....

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come
(2 Corinthians 5:17)

salvaton is not to be taken for granted... freedom is not us to take for granted... as much as we are free... we have to constantly seek restoration... restoration is total healing... but healing will take some time... always be mindful of ur actions... always be mindful of who u are... always be mindful of the prize... the goal.... the end....

so i am sorry... i slipped up today... dear friend, i wonder if you'd read this at all, but thank u, u never fail to keep me in check...=)

but dont worry... richie is up and running again... somehow i guess that sunday morning when i laid it all down at His Feet... power came... and somehow its easier now...

i mean, not just in this area, but in others as well... =)

like guys, i am like SO challenged to live my life to the full now.. like, i am asking myself so many 'why not's... like, why not go play soccer?... why not go throw some hoops?.... they're all not so bad.... why not try something else other than architecture? why not just live life to the full? so what if u may not get a job yet? whats stopping u from trying something else? and seriously i asked myself (believe or not)- why not try fishing as well? it may be fun... ( OMG...what is happening to me????? ...LOL) but yea, why not? i was like so skeptical about so many things, but after that encounter with God, i just feel...different.....

and my walk with God is so much more intimate now... like how i asked if i'd know how it feels like to love God like a lover? i think i am learning that more and more each day...=) He is like so much closer now... in morning when i wake...before i sleep.. when i bath... when i cycle... when im at uni...when im eating... He is like always there...=)

so yea, let go! live life! its a ball! get bouncing!! wee~!! (okay i need my pills...lol)



Lesson one - do not hide
Lesson two - there are right ways to fight
And if you have questions
We can talk through the night

Lesson three - you're not alone
Not since I saw you start breathing on your own
You can leave, you can run, this
will still be your home

So you know who you are
And you know what you want
I've been where you're going
And it's not that far
it's too far to walk
But you don't have to run
you'll get there in time

In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to
wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling,
bad things come undone
You weather love and lose your innocence

There will be liars and
thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence
But you are not what you do
And when you need it most
I have a hundred reasons why I love you

If you weather love and lose your innocence
Just remember - lesson one

Boys (Lesson One) by Jars of Clay

okay people... back to talking about warm and fuzziness... =)

i actually had a whole list of warm and fuzzy things to share with u about... but i decided i shouldnt.. cos warm and fuzzy should be left for God... cos He is just so awesome...

it is When God tells me He loves me. When all I know is that I do not deserve His love but yet He chooses to love without any reason at all.. and to just love me.. that’s what I call warm and fuzzy… it’s the best warm and fuzzy u can ever get in this whole wide world… it is a love that the world can never take away… a warm and fuzzy that cannot be replaced… *sob* =)

that's warm and fuzzy to me..=)

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us
(Romans 5:8).

that warm fuzzy feeling =)

the scarf felt different today on my walk back home... it was warmer... nicer.... and it somehow still lingers on.... yea i walked home... i didnt take the tram... i walked to uni and took my bike home.... but all the way i felt this warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart... and i know it was smiling..=)

i even had the mood to camwhore after peeing...=P




so in the spirit of warm and fuzziness, i will dedicate this post to just that - warm and fuzziness...=)

warm and fuzzy is when:

***SORRY.... I WANNA SLEEP...TOO TIRED.... LOL.... BUT I PROMISE I WILL CONTINUE TMR....***

to be continued...

tonight while Agnes prayed i couldn't help but smile the moment her words left her lips

"You will make all things beautiful in Your time..."

i guess it just made the night all so much easier... i didnt really bothered being bothered... it got easier, definitely... to just be myself and to just let go... to face that smile and choose to acknowledge in my heart that You are smiling back down on me...=)

i must say tho that during practice i was extraordinarily quiet... lol.... cos SOMEBODY claims that i talk too much... that respect should be given to the person in charge... in this case turned out to be wil... so i kept queit.. andrew was always on the edge tho... wih big hand gestures and escentric expressions... but somehow no one had a problem with that... which begged the question, am i doing it wrong? why doesnt he get the cold shoulder? ah i dont wanna care... as long as the arrangement is done correctly... altho i must say i kept queit for most parts and there is something missing...and true enough.... wil did pull me aside at the end of the night and asked me if i thought there was something wrong... haha... oh well....

and after that i had a LOOOOONNNGGGG chat with uncle frankie.... i thought of u know just being nice and say hi and all and u know have an inteest in his life and all... but wah... he kept on talking and talking and talking...lol.... i couldnt really stop him...lol.... he actually has facebook! and i added him already...haha

i think tmr is going to be fun... tmr is going to be very fun... =)

i actually told some of them that i have something up my sleeves this sunday... and kept them guessing... haha... im SO enjoying this...hehe.... be prepared for my total randomness...=D

***

and since im feeling a little old school... this is for you, where ever you are, no matter what you are doing... just know that i am thinking of you (and by 'you' i mean every one of u, not that it matters..)

You don't run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don't play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart
Baby, that's why you captured my heart

I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in
And this world doesn't know what you have within
When I look at you, I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere (grow anywhere)
And there's no one I know that can compare

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

You got something so real
You touched me so deep
You see material things
Don't matter to me
So come as you are
You've got nothing to prove
You've won me with all that you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

You don't know how you touched my life
Oh in so many ways I just can't describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
It's all the little things that make you beautiful to me

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Everything you do is beautiful
Love you give shines right through me
Everything you do is beautiful
Oh, you're beautiful to me

What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful To Me) by The Backstreet Boys