the author apologizes for the appalling lack of proper sentence structure and amount of grammatical error in this post... sometimes we get caught in the moment..haha
today was a very very fun day... seriously...=)
but i guess there is a time and place for everything... right now... right here... i just wanna write my thoughts......
it's funny how when you think you are the strongest that's when you are the weakest... because hey, it's not by your strength... cos our flesh fails... way too many times we fail.... but it's God... and every time we forget that simple truth is when we let our own flesh overcome us... but i thank God for His mercy... that i have not allowed myself to slip away again... life gets tough i guess....
camp is tomorrow... i am very excited... because not only will i be able to see 30cm tall penguins..=DDDDDD i also know in my heart that God will be moving in this camp... that change is inevitable and a revolution is starting... be it in our hearts, our attitudes or our minds... change will come... and it will come on like a flood...
probably excited also because this is my first winter camp... went to mornington peninsula with marc and euric today and it was CRAZY.... the winds were SO strong... i lost my beanie today...it flew off from my open bag....=( *sobs* but yea, it was CRAZY.... u cannot move at all sometimes... cos its jst so strong... so i was telling myself, if this is just a cape and it's like this...imagine what will it be like tmr when u are on an island....EIK!!! haha....
but one thing i know i seriously need to let go off in this camp, is to stop regretting and move on and do something about the here and now... so many times it has happened.. every time when i am reminded of how much i allowed slip by me when i was in msia, every time without fail i get moved to tears... because i just can't forgive myself for what i have done.... i dunno why... but i just do... i beat myself up every time.... and i will cry and cry before God... but i never seem to get over it....
like last sunday... zita was so nice to be open enough to go to church with marc and euric... i was very happy that she decided to go along with them... and so i went along as well... for moral support... the service was great.. i mean hey it's PLANETSHAKERS...what do u expect? but anyway... at the end of everything, towards the alter call... i just suddenly had this familiar burden once again falling upon me...so so strong burden that i just couldn't sweep aside... and it was talking to me... it said, " Richard, u had THREE years with Zita when you were still at college back home, but u did nothing... now she's here, came alll the way here to visit u guys and shes here at church..and u're gonna do nothing?"....
it broke me... it seriously did... i kept asking God for forgiveness...and that He will have mercy on Zita... so that she may know Him... i just couldn't stop tearing... and a part of me fought back... a part of me was afraid to ask her if i can pray for her... i didnt know how she'd react... but u know what, i did it anyway...
me: can i pray for u?
zita: yea sure why not? =)
me: okay =)
zita: what do i do?
me: just close your eyes
and i prayed... the music was blaring...so i went close to her ears... and i prayed my heart out... i surrendered her life, her studies, her family, our friendship all into God's hands... after the prayer... she hugged me.. for quite a while i must say... i dunno... maybe she was touched... but i knew right there and then, i planted another seed in her life...
i had to go off early cos i was gonna meet pastor and sharon back at RCC... but u know, while i was on the tram, i was fighting to hold back the tears that are just clogging up my eyes... right there and then God was speaking to me... and i said yes Lord, i will do what you want me to do from now on...
i was worried that i'd get too emo and will need somebody to pray with me later when i reach church... i was thinking maybe Ed or Geoff... but when i entered the hall, someone called out my name... and somehow it all just dissolved away... and i didnt even notice it happening until i reflected on the day at my bed, but yea, my tears were swept away just like tht... oh well, but thats another story altogether...
but yea, having said all this, i realize that altho i have this awful burden on me, but it made me grow closer to God... like seriously... Richard Lee is entering into the prayer ministry, believe it or not? i dun... haha... but... since the time i last prayed for Wil at church, till now, many things has happened... and it made me grow... and since then i have said many more prayers... for different individuals... and for some reason sometimes i duno how and why, but they'd come to me and say tell me how i said words that they needed to hear or words that they wanted to express themselves but didnt know how to... and somehow, my prayer helped... somehow.... i honestly dun really know what i am blabbering most of the time... but recently i prayed for Wil... and after the prayer i told him i didnt know what i was blabbering about... but he said i blabbered all the right things... that, i didnt expect...
But yea, i wanna go to this camp expecting to bless someone as well.... anyone for that matter... just wanna be there to pray with somebody.... yea, i would love that... and i realize that the more i pray, the more confident i am in my prayer.. and i pray differently now... it's more forceful...somehow...
so yea... camp here i come~!!!!!!
time to shower and pack..=DDDDD
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